Second Weddings

Private wedding?

This is both of our second marriages and we were wanting to have a ceremony with just our 5 girls. Originally we planned to have it on a beach in June, but my ex managed to sabatoge that (he heard what I was doing and now he is gettting married around the same time on the beach with the colors I chose, my oldest snitched). So now we have decided to have it in May at his mom's ranch. I am not sure where to begin with planning. My other issue is that our friends are wanting to come and I don't know what to say to them? Does anyone have any suggestions and ideas for an outdoor private ceremony? Do you typically have music, or not? Help!!!!

Re: Private wedding?

  • As far as your friends go, if you want the wedding to be private, youi can just say so.  It's actually easier to tell people that you decided to make the wedding private than to say that you invited 300 people, but that they still didn't make the cut.

    What you "typically" have is not really an issue.  In all weddings, it is important to concentrate on what is important to you.  And that is doubly true for private weddings.  With so few people there, you can leave out anything that isn't important to at least one of the people attending.  So if you like music, have it, and if you don't, skip it.
  • Exactly what 2dBride said.

    If you're worried about leaving friends out, then maybe you can think about hosting a casual cookout or BBQ at your house a few weeks after the wedding so friends can celebrate with you (this is not a reception, merely a non-wedding-related party).   If you're okay with them coming to see you say your vows, then maybe you could host a BBQ-type-reception at his Mom's ranch immediately following the vows?   

    But if you want to keep it private, then keep it private.  Tell people that it will be a private ceremony with just you and your children and leave it at that.

    Have music if you want music.  Skip it if it's not important to you.  
  • I don't understand why you changed your plans just because your ex wanted to do something similar.  Your oldest told him what you were doing, but why would his FIE choose to do the same thing you were doing?  That whole situation is pretty curious to me.  Either way, you do what you want to do on your day and don't let anyone else's actions dictate yours, that's letting them control you and that's way too much power for one jerk to have.
  • has lovely photos with all sorts of ideas from real weddings. 
  • Thank you all for your advice. I appreciate it! And you are all right. It's my wedding and I should do it the way I want and not worry about all of the other stuff. @ mdeidre- Yes, it made me curious too. The only thing I can think of is he is a control freak and has always tried to one up me, or continue to try and hurt me. This is all from a man that feels he shouldn't pay child support for his children because they live in a different city than him (he thinks its benefiting me) and a woman that has stolen things from my daughters. They're ridiculous.
  • My fiance & I are considering a private wedding too--it's his 2nd and my 1st. We are thinking only immediate family, around 14 people, including his 2 children & my 2 nieces. We both grew up in the same town, where we currently live and operate his business, so we have a lot of friends and business associates who know us and we want to include them in our celebration somehow. We are thinking of inviting everyone to a much larger engagement party. It would be between 150-200 people with a casual atmosphere (not banquet), but only about 8 of these people would actually be invited to our wedding (our family).

    Wondering if anyone has any advice regarding the following:

    How far in advance before our wedding should we plan to have this big party? We've actually been engaged for a year and we don't plan on getting married until Spring 2014.

    How do we handle the idea of gifts--should we indicate on the invitation that gifts are not required, or optional?

    We want the engagement party to be by invitation only, not word of mouth. So there are a few things about it that would resemble a reception but we definitely want a small, private wedding. Is it rude not to invite more people to our wedding?
  • Not to ignore your original post, @beckyd73--your questions made me think your situation is somewhat similar to mine. His ex & his daughter both create a lot of problems, which we are seeking to avoid on our special day!

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