Second Weddings

I'm a little bit nervous...

Re: I'm a little bit nervous...

  • edited December 2011

    Usually people answer posts pretty quickly and I could not think why this one didn't get a response right away, except that it is almost painful to read.


    There are so many red flags here. When pretty much everyone objects to your relationship you need to listen. If you didn't have concerns, you wouldn't have written the post. Keep dating. There is no right time, it's an individual thing. That being said, in my opinion, which you are free to ignore, it is too soon for you. I'm sure that's not what you want to hear but take your time and build a solid relationship that will stand up to the scrutiny of family and whoever else might come along.

  • mmccrmmccr member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    5 months is not a lot of time to know somebody. I think you and this guy need to date some more. Why the rush? I would freak out if a guy is talking about marriage within 5 months of dating. Slow down!!!!. A least give it a year.
  • edited December 2011
    Wow, so I reread my posts and realize that they sound a lot whinier than I intend.  I think that the anonymity of the boards gives me a sense that I can vent all the stuff that is really quite minimal, but just stress can cause it to build.

    I'm not getting that much negative feedback from people. Most people that have met him love him and think he's amazing.  IT is only my mom and 1 sister who are ULTRA religious and don't like the idea of me marrying out of the religion I was raised in (but no longer practice/believe in).

    We also are not pushing for this to happen "now".  In fact, it'll likely be a couple of years or so... But we talk about it now because we both know that if there wasn't the chance of that, if we didn't see that as where this was going, we would not be continuing/pursuing it. 

    Thank you for input, because I know it is well-meant.  I will think about things, and it's nice sometimes to get an outside perspective.. 

    I know that since I'm about to edit, it could be referred to as dirty-deleting, but that's not the intent.  I'm just realizing that I'd be wise not to post as much identifying info as I've done, and that really, I'd be wiser to quit looking for external validation of it .. either it's fine or it's not, whether someone outside of it agrees or not.  :P    Mostly i just know that since we're NOT moving this completely forward yet, it would be smart not to have this circulating around the internet.  :)
  • edited December 2011
    I read it earlier, but didn't have time to reply. 

    Walk slowly.  Neither of you have dated anyone else since you got unmarried.  The impetus is strong to get right back into another committed relationship.  You BOTH deserve to see what's out there.  I KNOW it feels like you have found "the perfect match" and your soulmate.  But reflect on your marriage and think about where you were 5 months into THAT relationship. 

    A couple of years is a great idea.  I would not even get engaged.  You are old enough to be able to trust each other and acknowledge a commitment without having to be engaged.  Keep it simple. 

    And frankly - your family's reservations could be as much about moving too quickly to commitment as they are about religion.  ~Donna
  • edited December 2011
    Thanks for the feedback Donna--  I've read your replies on a few threads, and generally like your input.  :)

    I actually have dated a bit since my divorce, though he's done less.  In fact, at the beginning, I was on board with it, and he kind of forced himself to date other people as well, just so that he would have a basis for comparison, and also force himself to take it slower.

    I met him at the perfect time for me, right when I'd finished "enough" dating-- felt like I was ready to quit dating until I found someone who was really worth my time, and a real possibility.  For him it was definitely earlier, and he's said many times that he feels like he wishes he could have met me a year later than he did, but it has worked out, against what many people would have considered "the odds".

    So, I get the idea of "rushing in on excitedment"..  but I can say that that's not where i'm at.  My divorce was quite harrowing, and has made me very introspective, and I am being very logical -- almost TOO logical about some of this. This is really extremely different from both of our first marriages, in a lot of really really good ways.  We cut out a lot of the BS in the beginning of the dating, have had extremely open communication which is why a lot of things have moved faster than they would for some people: we didn't have to wait 6 months to start being this honest with each other-- we just started out that way.
     
    We definitely aren't rushing to it yet-- we both know we'll probably not get engaged for another year or so, and that after that, it'll probably be at least a year or two before actually getting married.

    The family thing though--  on my side, it's religious.  If I had decided to become an actively participating, temple-attending  mormon again, and had gotten engaged and decided to have a temple wedding 6 months ago, I would have had a ton of family support.  Because mormons don't have sex before marriage, once you decide to marry someone, quick marriage is encouraged so you don't slip up and have sex.  My parents would probably prefer that I marry a nice mormon  boy 6 months after my divorce--not having sex before marriage-- rather than be in a relationship for years before marriage if it meant having sex before marrying.

    When we marry, Catholic ceremony, even if it's 3-4 years from now, my mom will be crying.. and not tears of joy.
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