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Second Weddings

Etiquette questions

Hi ladies,
I'm new to TK, (former Bumpie), recently engaged.

A little back groud: FI and I both are both divorced. I married WAY too young to an abusive man. FI also married too young to a woman with serious mental disorders. We both came from bad situations, found a great friendship with eachother. Friendship blossomed into a realationship, and now we're going to walk down the aisle again.

I looked back a few pages and couldn't find this, but sorry if it's a repeat.
Is it OK to do father/daughter dance? I feel like my Dad already gave me away once, I'm already living with FI, so there isn't the symbolic daughter leaving the nest thing.

What other things should be skipped the second time around?
craftyWImama.blogspot.com
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Re: Etiquette questions

  • We are getting married in a very informal ceremony in the beginning of our regular church service. Just standing up and saying our "I do's" , with no reception.

     We will have an open house BBQ reception later tihis summer after we have settled in and can showhow we have settled in.
    I've never even heard of a wedding like ours I guess it's like eloping with evites.
    It will be announced at church the week in advance.  I'm getting some push back about gifts. One of the ladies from church called and said I couldn't expect gifts because there would be no celebration and was "encouraging" me to have a cake and coffee time after the service, so I can get gifts. I really dont care about gifts, I mean we are combining 2 households, sure towels would be nice but....

    Am I totally ungrateful? I feel a bit bridezilla ish.
  • AliW - If you want to do the Father/Daughter dance then do it, if not skip it.  This is your day and you can celebrate how it best represents you and your FI. 
  • Lisa50Lisa50 member
    2500 Comments 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    In Response to Etiquette questions:
    Hi ladies, I'm new to TK, (former Bumpie), recently engaged. A little back groud: FI and I both are both divorced. I married WAY too young to an abusive man. FI also married too young to a woman with serious mental disorders. We both came from bad situations, found a great friendship with eachother. Friendship blossomed into a realationship, and now we're going to walk down the aisle again. I looked back a few pages and couldn't find this, but sorry if it's a repeat. Is it OK to do father/daughter dance? I feel like my Dad already gave me away once, I'm already living with FI, so there isn't the symbolic daughter leaving the nest thing. What other things should be skipped the second time around?
    Posted by AliW220
    Congratulations on your engagement!

    I don't think anything should be skipped, simply because it's the second time around.  I think it would be important for you and your FI to discuss what you want to do, how you want to celebrate (if at all) and with whom you want to share that moment.

    I didn't wear a white dress or veil when I married in July, but that had nothing to do with the fact that it was a second wedding. I didn't wear a white dress the first time I married. I didn't have a garter toss in July; I didn't have one the first time. So, you get my drift ... make your ceremony and celebration a reflection of what you and your groom want it to be.

    Best of luck with your planning!
  • AliW - I agree with Lisa, there's nothing that has to be skipped just by the fact that its a second wedding.  For us, since my mom was the only living parent, we skipped parent dances and danced with our teens.  If dancing with your dad is a sentimental moment you'd like, go ahead.  Maybe choose a song that doesn't give the feeling you feel is inappropriate.  For me- the who giveth this woman question is odd for a second wedding, one of the other SW brides joked that if she did that, she should have her xH answer!  But for example, that question can be reworked to ask for a family's love & support & blessing.  If the garter toss seems like fun to you, there's no reason to skip it, I just wouldn't try to pull off the blushing virgin who's never had a hand up her skirt, IYKWIM? 

    riverpaddler-- if you have a question that you want answered, your best bet is to start a new post.  Otherwise, you will get overlooked -best case or accused of post-jacking -- worst case.  Undecided~Donna
  • In Response to Re: Etiquette questions:
    AliW - I agree with Lisa, there's nothing that has to be skipped just by the fact that its a second wedding.  For us, since my mom was the only living parent, we skipped parent dances and danced with our teens.  If dancing with your dad is a sentimental moment you'd like, go ahead.  Maybe choose a song that doesn't give the feeling you feel is inappropriate.  For me- the who giveth this woman question is odd for a second wedding, one of the other SW brides joked that if she did that, she should have her xH answer!  But for example, that question can be reworked to ask for a family's love & support & blessing.  If the garter toss seems like fun to you, there's no reason to skip it, I just wouldn't try to pull off the blushing virgin who's never had a hand up her skirt, IYKWIM?  riverpaddler-- if you have a question that you want answered, your best bet is to start a new post.  Otherwise, you will get overlooked -best case or accused of post-jacking -- worst case.  ~Donna
    Posted by right1thistime
    Lol! No kidding, especially when we have a baby!
    Thanks for the input ladies. I've never been to anyone's second/third/etc wedding, so I didn't know if there were certain conventions to abide by.
    craftyWImama.blogspot.com
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  • Things I did my first wedding:
    Non-white dress
    Mom walked me down the aisle
    garter and bouquet toss
    dollar dance
    no alcohol
    no honeymoon
    artifical flowers
    informal backyard wedding
    Things I am doing this time:
    Non-white dress
    walking myself down the aisle
    no gater and bouquet toss
    no dollar dance
    alcohal
    fresh flowers
    mini-moon
    formal evening event wedding

    I am not the same person I was 15 years ago at my first wedding. That wedding reflected me then, this wedding reflects me now. Some things are the same, some things are different.
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  • When I planned my first wedding, I was overwhelmed by all the "shoulds.". You should do this, you should invite so and so, you should wear that, etc. We planned our whole wedding around all those shoulds. After all, I didn't want to be a bridezilla or offend anyone and I wanted everyone to feel included. I'm a bit older now and I've come to realize a lot of other people's "shoulds" just aren't who I am. My fiance is also older and has lived his life on his own terms. Our wedding is a reflection of that. We tossed out every should and just asked ourselves what we wanted. Heck, even the few things we did to try to include others didn't end up working out, not because of how we planned our wedding, but because we were unwilling to compromise on how we live our lives. Our wedding is, start to finish, planned to be unique to us and the family we have created. I find myself thinking that this is how I "should" have planned my first, too. :
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