My second, His first, LOTS of concerns...

Marinefinacee2012

This is my second marriage and his first.  FI is so excited to have a big wedding and I had a small wedding the first time and am not opposed to having a bigger wedding.
First, no one in my family feels this is appropriate even though it is his first wedding and seem to care less about this wedding at all.
Second, my FMIL keeps pressuring us to elope so my FILs can have a vacation (her words, not mine)  FI does not want to and refuses to even talk about eloping.
Third, my FSIL is getting married 5 months before ours and I feel like my FMIL is trying to turn both weddings into a real life "Bride Wars".  This is not what either of us want but neither of us know what to say to make her stop.  Every time I try to discuss my FI and I's wedding it gets turned into my FSIL's wedding and how they could use what I suggested or talked about.  They booked the venue we chose for my FSIL's reception even though they knew we were just waiting for the calendar to become available for our date.
Fourth- My MOH (my sister) is throwing a fit about the bridesmaids dress that everyone has picked.  We want everyone in long dresses and she wants one that is above the knee.
Fifth and Finally- My FI is a veteran of the USMC and has decided to wear his blues for the ceremony and a Tux for the reception.  I feel like the dress I picked wont even compare to the formality of the new venues and his uniform because its much more casual and now am debating on getting another one that is more formal.

Any advise?

TIA!

kimp67

wow, so sorry you're going through all this.  First of all, as far as being "inappropriate", some people are always going to feel that way, try to just ignore them.  You & your FI deserve to have the wedding that the two of you want, no matter if it's your 1rst or 5th!  As far as the FILs are concerned, I would stop talking about your plans.  If they ask a specific question you can answer it & leave it at that.  When you start hearing "why don't you do this or you shouldn't do that" answer like I've had to a few times...."we're doing it this way because that is what we both want". 
As for your MOH, could she wear a shorter dress?  Are all the others the exact same?  Could she wear a shorter version of what the others are wearing?  Or, if it's that important to you, put your foot down & tell her this is what you want her to wear if she wants to be in the wedding (although I wouldn't go that route).
If your dress is REALLY that casual to the point where you wouldn't feel comfortable, then I would say yeah get a new one. 
Good luck to you & take a deep breath & try to enjoy at least some of this!!

MikesAngie

Breathe! 

Next ditch the drama by not sharing with your FMIL she's the MOG and unless she wants to positively assist in the wedding you can plan it without her help.  Easy way to change the subject, "Gosh, FMIL we'll definitely take that into consideration, by the way have you tried the bean dip? It's really good, made it today."

Next let your MOH wear a silghtly different dress, she doesn't have to match your bridesmaids. My ladies are all wearing a gown of their choosing in a specific navy blue.

With regard to your gown if you feel it is too causal then get yourself a more formal gown. 

There aren't any rules for what a bride can and cannot do on her day!  This is a FIRST marriage for you both (it's the first time you are marrying him!).  Celebrate your love, your day  - your way!!

Marinefinacee2012

Thank you ladies for the encouraging thoughts and suggestions!

Sue-n-Kevin

Welcome Marine fiance! I'm marrying an Air Force vet.........booyaaa! My future son-in-law is stationed in Hawaai with the Marines right now!

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. The advice you have received is good. The ladies here have seen EVERYTHING under the sun as far as family reactions, feeling guilt, wanting to have the "right" wedding for themselves and their fiances.

One of the rules of this board is there are no rules for weddings: whether it's your first, his first, or a subseqent marriage (FYI, it's my first, his third), plan the wedding you want to share with your fiance.

It's my experience that some people just have to be ornery, usually for no reason other than they are born that way. I've read there is a "happy gene", and believe I have it, because I always wake up in a good mood, and go about my day iwith a happy frame of mind. You should know by now you cannot change people, so accept them as they are, take the high road (my Mom's best advice ever), and my personal best advice: Is this going to matter when you are on your death bed?

Let the crap roll downhill away from you and stay focused on YOUR wedding to YOUR fiance, and be happy!

Good luck.

TheEncoreBride

Agree with PP, if you guys are paying for the wedding then all I would give them is an invitation. Realize that your wedding is the most important thing to YOU right now and no one will be supportive/helpful/happy/involved as you and your FI are. It's about you, not them, ignore the negativity...  

mybooboos

You've gotten some really good advise so far. 

* Don't share your wedding details with your FMIL, if all she's going to do is provide them to your FSIL.  Keep secrets, so your guests will have surprises...and it will lessen the drama.

* Ignore the zingers and jabs that your FMIL and others may throw your way. People have all sorts of reasons to give unsupportive "advise". Just smile and nod, then move on.

* Decide what's the priority - having a happy MOH or having a MOH that wears a long dress.  The dress does not have to match the other BM dresses exactly.

* His dress blues go with EVERYTHING.  Whether you are wearing a sundress or a full on formal frock.  Not every military wedding is a formal wedding.

Lastly, enjoy your planning!  If this is the first big wedding for either of you, enjoy the process and focus on what makes you happy.  Everything else will just fall in line.

thealphabride

Great Advice Given here, welcome to the board and congrats on your engagement.
1. DO NOT share any more info with FMIL
2. It doesn't matter if your family feels it is appropriate, it is your first to him and needs to be celebrated!!! Do what you want and don't listen to the nay sayers.
If they continue to be negative stop sharing information with them and just give them the date and send an invite.
3. Have your MOH cut her same long dress to knee length and let the others wear long.
4. Get the gown you love and enjoy!

kchacana7

I completely agree that you should ignore all the "fuzz" you're geting from others and focus on celebrating the love that you two have found for each other!  Being in the same situation - my 2nd, his 1st - for me is still feels totally brand-new, and I wouldn't miss this experience for the world!  I am fortunate in that my family is VERY supportive and welcoming my fiance into the family....I am so sorry that your family is having a difficult time accepting that you deserve to celebrate this very special moment regardless of your past!