Second Weddings

Who pays for what

This is both of our second weddings. My first was pretty expensive the whole huge reception etc. this time we want something very small maybe a destination only imediate family and a few very close friiends.

Here's the ? Since my parents forked up a decent amount of money on the first wedding is it wrong to have them pay for any of this one? Aka they will travel no matter what should I cover their tickets and hotel. If I have a prenup dinner should they pay for that.... I guess I just dont know if my mother will feel left out if I don't ask, but not too sure how to go about asking

Since its a second wedding are we supposed to pay for everything ourselves?

Re: Who pays for what

  • Welcome to the board.

    Not sure how the etiquette works for destination weddings as far as travel. I have a feeling that most guests pay their own way, but since it's your parents, not sure. I'm assuming you are not asking whether they should pay for any part of the reception or other wedding paraphernalia, just their own travel. When we married last August it was my first wedding, hubby's third, and we planned the wedding we could afford. My parents did make an offer to pay the rental fee for the banquet facility, but that was all.

    I think you and your fiance should decide upon what you want between the 2 of you, with a side discussion of how to address with this your families. Then approach the families and explain your plans and see what they say. They may be fine with paying their own way there and back, and the hotel.

    Good luck.

  • I do think the couple should plan an pay for the wedding that they only can afford - whether it's the 1st, 2nd, or whatever wedding.  If someone steps in, like a parent, and offers to help pay, then that is great, but until someone speaks up, I'd assume it's all you.  It's generally frowned upon to ask others to pay for your wedding if they don't bring it up first.

    If it's a DW, then guests usually pay for their own tickets and hotels, you'd host the reception.
  • Your mother will feel relieved that you don't ask her to pay for anything.  I think it would be a wonderfully kind gesture for you to pay for your parents travel & lodging, but not a requirement. 

    We got married an hour from home, where DH's family has a vacation home.  Easy travelling for a one day trip for a daytime wedding, so not exactly a DW.  However, the family members who were attending the RD had to do it twice, and we paid for many of their lodging to reduce their travel.  The family that travelled from further away stayed at the house.  Not a requirement, just a kindness. ~Donna
  • First, second or third (or 10th), you should pay for your own wedding. 
  • I agree with Lisa - plus when you pay it gives you the authority to veto those things that your don't want. 
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