Thoughts on "We got married at the courthouse and now we want a big reception"

Scarlet Starlet 31

I'm curious how other people on here feel about people who get married at a courthouse and then a few years down the line decide they want to have a reception because they never got one originally.

Scarlet Starlet 31

This post isn't meant to offend anyone who intends on doing this.  I have my own opinion on the topic and just wanted to see what others think about it. 
(I'm not doing this, I just posted out of curiosity)

JostMarried

I actually think a combination of 2 and 3. If this is what you wanted than why not do it right after the wedding?

It would be no different if a couple eloped and then had a reception later - but not years later. That's just sort of weird.

right1thistime

NO one is entitled to a big fancy wedding celebration.  Every action has consequences.  The consequence of OMG we have to be married this very second and we can't possibly wait and save and plan and do all that because we are soooooo in love---- is that you don't get the big fancy wedding celebration.   The consequences of I don't have health insurance coverage and I need it now therefore I will marry you immediately and get the coverage I need rather than waiting until we can save & plan--is that you don't get a big fancy wedding celebration.  The consequences of I am being deployed and if we don't get married right away you will not receive my military benefits, you will not have any status with the military and I might die before we can actually get married, therefore I want to cement this deal right now--- is that you don't get the big fancy wedding celebration. 

A family member just held a vow renewal with all the fixins (poufy dress, attendants, etc) in July, after the #3 scenario I listed above.  Everyone knew they got married before he deployed 2 years ago.  Her parents were heartbroken that they not only didn't get to give her the wedding of her dreams, but that they were not there.  In addition, the quickie ceremony 2 years ago was not religious, and this couple and her parents (not sure about his) were pretty strong in their desire to have a religious ceremony.   They kept it very small, and it was absolutely lovely.  In my humble opinion, military deployment gets a pass.  The consequences are so much more dire. 

Honestly, I am not sure I can debate this issue one more time.  The folks lining up to say, "you go girl, do what you want, you deserve the wedding of your dreams" just exhausts me.  There is no clause in the Bill of Rights that makes a pretty pretty princess day an inalienable right.  People just want to have their cake (getting married right away) and eat it too (the planned, expensive PPD)  <flops onto couch, wrist to brow, with a huge sigh>  ~drama queen

JostMarried

Donna, If you are not a "writer" you should be! This is the second time today I have read your post and thought - Wow, I couldn't have said it better.

2dBride

I went for number 2, but only on the assumption that:

1.  It is only a reception, not a whole new ceremony.
2.  They are honest about the fact they are already married.
3.  They don't get offended at people who don't want to bother to attend, because the couple is already married.

In that case, the desire for a reception years after the wedding would mystify me, but wouldn't offend me.

Then again, I'm always mystified by the concept of a vow renewal.  Last I heard, the vows we already made don't have an expiration date.

Mrs0toBe

I don't like it.  Makes me feel like they are more concerned with getting to have their "wedding" than being married.

handfast4me

I voted on the last option, but I think it's even beyond that.  Somehow, the wedding industry, and I do mean INDUSTRY, has managed to get people to think that unless they have a big ole throw down that  includes a sit down meal, favors, big white dress, flowers, etc., that they didn't "have a wedding."   

I also think that people have somehow come to think that wedding=reception.  Uh, no.  A wedding is the ceremony, no matter who is there or who isn't, and the reception is the party afterwards.  The reception can consist of cake and punch, or a 7 course meal with an open bar and an after party at 12 midnght. 

Donna's right--people choose to do certain things, and sometimes they regret it afterwards. 

shytownkelly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_thoughts-got-married-courthouse-now-want-big-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:35Discussion:9e8a5407-164e-4ef8-9a07-8d4a5ba19383Post:98c545b3-48c1-4c4b-b629-1aade44f79c2">Re: Thoughts on "We got married at the courthouse and now we want a big reception"</a>:
[QUOTE]Donna, If you are not a "writer" you should be! This is the second time today I have read your post and thought - Wow, I couldn't have said it better.
Posted by JostMarried[/QUOTE]

It's public knowledge that Donna seems to be in my head on a regular basis. 

Dude it is getting way crowded in here!

shytownkelly

andplusalso -

If you do a small wedding for whatever reason - why oh why does it have to be a vow renewal/reception?  Why not just have a PARTY for your anniversary?  I don't think I'd begrudge anyone who had the small wedding thing - and then at 5years said "hey let's party!"

But the whole trying to recreate something that didn't happen is just plain odd.

2dBride

Miss Manners' take on the subject.

ichellemay1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_thoughts-got-married-courthouse-now-want-big-reception?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:9e8a5407-164e-4ef8-9a07-8d4a5ba19383Post:1d240e5e-b8cf-4d43-b6fa-53a0b5298e8a">Re: Thoughts on "We got married at the courthouse and now we want a big reception"</a>:
[QUOTE]I actually think a combination of 2 and 3. If this is what you wanted than why not do it right after the wedding? It would be no different if a couple eloped and then had a reception later - but not years later. That's just sort of weird.
Posted by JostMarried[/QUOTE]

Yea, 2 & 3 is probably a more accurate choice.  As far as gifts go, they could let it be known through the grapevine, of course, that they don't need gifts.  On the other hand, if they wants gifts, then the party looks like a gift grab.

jblswedding

wow, what a bunch of negative, opinionated closed-minded individuals.

1- I am having a "belated reception" in a few months - my husband and I were married at the courthouse 3 years ago.  The "MARRIAGE" was much more important to me than the "WEDDING".  I am reminded everyday of how lucky I am to have him.  What gives ANYONE the right to question why we choose to celebrate OUR union in this manner?

2- There are SEVERAL factors that went into making both decisions.  EVERY bride deserves to have her day, whether or not it is on the day you first say "I DO" is a matter of personal choice.

3- Our invited guests are being given the option to make a donation to charity in lieu of giving us a gift.  Why do you assume it is all about the money?

4- Wedding vow renewals are becoming more and more popular these days.  Why?  I'm not exactly sure, but don't be alarmed if you receive an invitation in your mailbox.  Then again, since most of you come off as superficial and narcisstic, maybe not.

tktranch

I was married in NC where my then soon to be husband and I were stationed with the Marines.  My parents, one brother and his GF came as well as my FI's parents, brother and 2 aunts and an uncle and some friends from the Marines.  That was in October of 98. In April of 99 my parents threw me and the hubby a reception in MN (my home state) when we came home to visit.  Was I to expect the entire extended family to fly from MN and CA to the uncle's back yard (where we had the ceremony) and house?  Sorry, my family isn't rich, neither was my hubby's and he and I were popper poor being low ranked enlisted.

My 2nd time around (which I am currently planning) is going to be in 2 years.  When people ask why my FI and I both respond that we want to pay for it ourselves and save money.   As you all know, the reception is the most expenive part (well for me it is) from the reception hall rental to the decor not to forget the food and bar expences.

I feel that my small wedding in NC was the main event and the reception in MN was the "icing on the cake" but I didn't ask for it.  My parents set it up and wouldn't take no for an answer.  They wanted to introduce my new husband to the family and properly celebrate our union. I didn't want to deny them the joy.