Never attended a second wedding!

Frady2Be

Hi, I'm new here - and getting married July 24th.  It's a second wedding for both of us, I'm 40 and he's 45.  We have 3 kids between us, and we've been dating 2 years and only got engaged Mother's Day but decided to not delay another year because we're combining two households.

So I've been working full time, moving out of my house (and drawing up rental agreements for my tenants), AND planning the wedding.  I think I'm doing okay but just realized i'm not sure I know what a second wedidng is supposed to be like because I've NEVER BEEN TO ONE (that involved both bride and groom being their 2nd wedding - my brother got remarried last year but it was his wife's first so it was fairly traditional).

This is what I have so far:  Justice of the Peace, Cake, photographer, DJ, location (at a family's lake house - plenty of room for about 80 people), tent, tables, chairs, dance floor, portapotties), dress, invitations have all been sent, flowers are being finalized... I'm still struggling with what to do about food - we had wanted a sit down thing (getting married at 1:00, reception is under the same tent as the ceremony) but decided maybe finger-foods would be better.  It's a casual affair, really.  So I'm either going to get a bunch of appetizers at Sam's Club - I have volunteers to help man the stations! - or hire a caterer to do it.  I'm struggling with that.

The biggest thing, however, is the ceremony/ music.  What is acceptable?  Do I greet the guests with my fiance and not worry about that old adage of "seeing the bride before the wedding is bad news" and when the guests get there we just turn around and start the ceremony?  Or do I let everyone just find their way to the tent and start the music and I come in with my Dad (or my son)?  I'm not sure I want to do the walk down the aisle again - but will people think it's strange if I don't?? 

Also, the recessional - do we have to do that since we're eating/drinking right after in the same area?  Can we just do "you may kiss the bride" to music (I chose "All you need is love") and turn around and say "Let's Dance!" (well not really, but you know what I mean!).  I don't want this to be stressful, I just want it to be a party where everyone enjoys themselves - almost like a picnic or early afternoon cocktail party.

Is any of this going to be considered strange if we do it that way?  Honestly i know it's my wedding, and we are so excited about it as are our kids, but I don't want the big fuss the first one was. 

mma3

Welcome and congrats!  In my opinion, I think that what you have planned so far is fine.  I don't think there should really be any set rules regardless if it is your first or fifth.  Most women on this board will tell you that it is your second and to do it the way YOU want it, not to worry about what other people think. 

right1thistime

ok - food - my vote is cater it - less headaches for you & your guests.  If you can afford it- it will be so much less hassle.  Believe me- you will have plenty of hassles getting all the kids in the right place.
 
Greeting guests--  you choose what works for you two.  I personally like the idea of greeting them and then processing in together rather than being escorted down the aisle.

Music- whatever you choose.  In the setting you describe you could easily use an iPod and a docking station.  Is one of the kids a teen?  You could put an older teen in charge of music.

In weddings I've been to where the ceremony & reception were in the same place, the couple recessed from the ceremony location to do photos immediately post ceremony.  If you are just going to eat immediately after, you could recess to the head/ sweetheart table, and have the toasts next before people get noisy again.

Whatever you choose - walk through it either actually or in your mind to get a sense of the mood/ image and timing of it.  If you like it-- do you really think any of your guests will judge it?  And if these people who love the two of you are judging you- do you care?  If it makes YOUR heart(s) sing, I say go for it-- no apologies necessary!  ~Donna

2dBride

At this point, the rules for second weddings are pretty much identical to those for first weddings.  The big difference is that you are likely to be more confident in your own choices, and not to listen to family members who insiste you have to do it a certain way.  So think about what you and your FI want, do the traditional things if you feel like it, and come up with your own way of doing things if you don't like specific traditions.

jssc_plsn

its my second wedding also my first was 20 people in my parnet yard no fuss no reception or dinner but this is my big wedding and i struggled alot with the idea of pepl second wedding and you know what the day about you and your fiance not anyoneels ah and making you two families one familie its all of what you want. hey i am having the huge wedding with nice dresses the whol nine yards and my reciption reflectin gme and adam, the recption at the beer gardens with bbq pork sand and cheesey pot hashbrowns and the actual theme of the recepton going to be a jimmy buffet feeling margaritiville key west feeling theme because the food is cheep when your fiance fam owns a hog farm and your mom making all the food also my fav place ever is florida keys and i would get married there if it wasn for his fam protesting so bad and his grandma not being able to travel that far.so waht ever you want to do

handfast4me

While I think I understand what you're asking, I would also ask myself, when I got a wedding in which neither party has been married before, what do I expect?  I think the answer to that is nothing and everything.  A lot depends on the religion (or not) of the couple, their family size, social circle, and lastly, but IMO, most importantly, their wishes for their day. For "first" weddings, one could be attending anything from a black tie affair to just cake and punch.  So, if you're comfortable with what you've got planned, then go for it.

Oh, and one word of caution--the knot "checklist" is a bunch of hooey.  About 2 weeks before my wedding, somehow I accidentally clicked on it, and although I had done EVERYTHING I needed to do to that point, it stated that I was behind on--now get this--537 items.  No kidding.  537.  So, don't panic about that ridiculousness, and you'll be fine. 

right1thistime

ROFL handfast - I just clicked on my checklist and it says I have 237 items overdue-- I've been married 4 years now.  Does this mean I get a do-over?  Should I register?  ~Donna

LesPaul

Wow - I've been married 10 months and have 373 things overdue on my checklist!  Ruh-roh.  Guess I should get on that!

Seriously, Frady - plan what is comfortable for you and your FI.  Don't listen to what other people (or the wedding indulstry) say you can't or shouldn't do.  It's your wedding, so plan accordingly.  Wear white or red, dance or not, toss the bouquet and garter or not.  Plan the celebration you want to have.

handfast4me

Oh yes, let's all have do-overs!  :-)  (Some of the ladies here know how I feel about those.) 

pennylp

I am also planning a second wedding. We are having a PRE-ception before the out door ceremony with light appetizers and wine (also having a reception after). I will greet guests and mingle before the whole thing gets started. I say - don't worry about old sayings about not seeing the bride, you don't need superstitious luck when you have super-love!
Good Luck!

pamila51510

Handfast - HAHA I got married on may 15th it says i have 243 things still to do! I started checking things off half way through my wedding planning and said this is so not for me and quit but that would be very intimidated if I actually felt I thad to do this.

I saw some winter decorations the other day and asked my husband wanna have a winter wedding now HAHA damn catalogs won't stop coming. He looked at me like I had lost my mind as I threw away the catalog OMG why would anyone what a do-over!!!

I say do what you feel is right! You sound like your plans are coming along. I like the idea of you walking down together.

Hugs!!!