Over 40 and changing your name?

arv266

Ladies,

I have a question... for those of you who are in you 40's, will you be changing your name?  If you asked me this question a month ago I would have said a firm no.  Now I am not so sure...

2dBride

I'm 56, and did not change my name.  But then again, I also did not change my name when I got married at 23.

What has happened in the past month to make you rethink this issue?

LesPaul

Yes.  I'm 47, and changed my name when I got married 10 months ago.  I had kept ex-H's name after my divorce because I didn't want it to be different from my daughters' name while they were young and in school.  They are now 17 and 19 and are fine with my name being different.  And there's no way in hell that his disgusting greedy ex-w gets his name and I don't.  So, I changed it and made my maiden name my new middle name and dropped ex-H's name completely.

cwcottage

Yep. I'm 47 and changing mine.

Lisa50

I am 49 (will be 50 when we get married) and honestly, do not know.  I have been thinking about it, a lot.  I did not change my name when I married the first time (age 31).  If I haven't come to a clear conclusion by the wedding day, then I will just hold steady with my name as it is.  If I later decide I want to change my name, then I will.  Thank goodness that option doesn't "expire" the day after the wedding.  LOL!

Marrin713

Can't go into new marriage bearing the name from the old one so I'll be changing.

Sue-n-Kevin

I'll be 56 when we marry next year. I've never been married, so I still have the original name on my birth certificate.

My last name is one that was "made up" when my Dad's father's mother came over to this country. She brought all 6 of her children over, after losing her husband to the flu epidemic in Europe. The only people who have this last name are decendants of her 6 children.

Because I was single when I had my son 23 years ago, he shares this name. The only other ones to carry it on are my cousin's sons and daughters (if they keep it after they marry).  

I love my heritage and the story behind it. My fiance actually has a standard last name and one that's easier to pronounce. If I change my name, I might take his as my middle name at some point, because I don't have one. But the thought of all the paperwork that has to be changed is something not very appealing to me.

It's a personal choice. He's comfortable with mine.

arv266

Before my divorce was final with my XH I legally changed my last name back to my maiden name.  I did not want to have his last name for a day londer than I had to.  My children were 6 and 4 at the time, and I didnt even stop to think that it would bother them, and I am not sure that it does, but they have remarked on the fact that our last names are different.  My daughter, who is now 12, asked if I would change my name again, and my reaction was no.  I am not sure if that was a gut instinct to not hurt her feelings, or how I truly feel.  I too have one of those long, hard to pronounce names, and dont want to give that part of me up.  Thinking about what I really want, I do want our last names to bind us.  Thanks ladies for all of your wonderful insight!

melissamc2

I'm approaching 40, and yes, I am changing my name to his last name.  If I weren't willing to share a last name with a man, I certainly wouldn't be willing to share everything else with him.

I hold no attachment or affection for last names, when you get right down to it.  Carrying around a father's name (or mother's, or what have you) isn't any more your "own" identity than your husband's last name in MY opinion.  You are who you are, regardless of the last name you're signing.

NJ Jen

Did not change my name when I married at 27, but I am changing it this time! (Just a few weeks shy of 40, can I still answer?)

right1thistime

I did what LesPaul did - 4 years ago. It was a pain (and the cable company STILL refuses to accept the name change), but I am glad I did.  ~Donna

handfast4me

I didn't change it last time, and I didn't this time either.  I have an established career, was the first female president of my professional society, and I'm published.  Also, both last husband and current husband had very difficult names, and mine is very simple. 

On top of all that, my dad had no brothers and no sons, so I wanted to pass the name down.  We gave my daughter her dad's (first husband's) and my name hyphenated.  She changed it when she got married, and uses my last name as her middle name, dropped her dad's and uses her husband's.  
So, anything is OK.  :-)   

AdelphiTN

like PPs, i kept my ex's name for the sake of the kids, but no way i'm keeping it now. i am changing to fi's asap. however, if i had always kept my maiden, i would continue to do so now.

SueR13

I'm in my 50s and also kept my (first) married name so I'd have the same name as my kids. I love my current last name, it's just nice... but no way would I be married to my second husband with my first husband's last name!

scoop69

I'm going into my 3rd marriage. I totally changed the first time and hypehenated the second time. Neither one felt right. I really feel "who I am" is my maiden name. So this time I'm keeping it.  I am also published and working to become known in my field, so that is extra motivation

The agreement my FI and I have is that at a professional function for me, I use my own name. At a business function for him, he can intro me with his last name to lessen confusion on the part of his business associates (they are mostly international ppl).

Not sure if this helps. The only thing I'd say is don't make the change for any reason other than you want to. I took my 2nd husband's last name and hated it the whole marriage, but I did it bcs he pouted when I said I didn't want to. Wrong reason!

MikesAngie

We have talked at length about whether or not I should or would change my name.  I decided that I will take my FI's last name when we are married.   There were all kinds of thoughts on the matter though... but it's now settled and it feels right.

arv266

Thanks again, Ladies, for your input on this, and for helping me to sort this out in my head.  My FI is fine with either choice that I make.  My final decision has been to hypenate my last name.  I want to maintain my maiden name for my kids sake, but I also want to show that there has been this major, wonderful, change in my life.  I am looking forward to having a lonnnnng Spanish-German last name!!! 

I appreciate all your honesty and openness with this topic.  As with all things weddings, there really isnt one answer or way for everyone. 

thealphabride

Great post ladies, this comes up often. I've been on the fence but I am 90% decided that I am changing my name to his.

My son was 2 when I divorced, and I kept the name to lessen the confusion in school for him. But now he's 14 and he doesn't care if I change my name and kind of expects it.

It really is so personal for everyone, I too am known by many in my past by my maiden name, but this is now and the future we are talking about and I have a brand new future I am working on so looking forward to having his name.

kikibella1210

I am changing my last name back to my maiden name and then adding my fi name.  so glad to be rid of the ex's last name. my kids are 16 & 18 so i think its time i can.

fabshelly

I changed the first time, then back to maiden name at the divorce.  Now, he's adopting my daughter and his last name is extremely difficult, so, yes, I'm changing too.  We'll all match, and we'll all be able to spot a telemarketer a mile off when they try to say our name.