Can I register again?

CandyGirlSparks

I just want new china and silverware. Not the whole 9 yards.

When I got married before my ex more or less picked out our china and silverware. He refused to look at anything floral, and instead pushed hard for something that was fairly plain, white with a white pattern on it, rimmed in gold and black. Blah. I didn't hate it, but it definitely isn't what I would have picked out on my own. And the silverware, IMO, is gaudy. It's kind of..."bound" in gold on the handles. It's flashier than the china.

Now that we're divorced, guess what, he doesn't want it. My sister told me of a website where I can get rid of it, so hopefully I can resell it, but I doubt I'll get enough out of it to buy a whole new set of both things.

Is it tacky to register for this for a second wedding? Most of the people we're inviting weren't at my first wedding or his, if that makes a difference?

LesPaul

You can register for whatever you want, or not register at all.  Many second brides have a limited registry to upgrade a few items they already own, but skip the whole 9 yards.  There aren't any rules - do what is right for you and your FI, your families and guests. 

melissamc2

I don't believe in bringing in things from past relationships to the new home with a new partner (other than children, of course haha), so I'm all for registering and accepting gifts if family and friends want to give them to you!

This is all a first for you and your new husband ("first," as in first for you as a couple), so you should enjoy it just as much as you would any other "first!"

Sue-n-Kevin

Sure, go ahead & do what you want. This is the "no rules" (for the most part) board.

RealWedding

Crap, Melissam.  My marriage is doomed because I brought in the china I had (ex didn't want it, and I LOVE it), the silver that my grandmother left to me that I used during my previous marriage, etc. 

But to the OP, we encourage you to register--many people will want to give you a gift, and it's better to have a list from which people can choose rather than end up with white elephants. 

melissamc2

Yep, it's probably doomed, then.   Haha.  Although, I'd let the grandmother's silver slide since it was in your family first.  I'm lenient like that!

Eh, it's just a hang-up of mine.  I like fresh starts, but I realize not everyone is like that.  I have heard of people sleeping in the same bed with a new spouse as one of them did with their ex.  Just no.  

aflowernomore

I don't think it's tacky at all. We registered for "the whole 9 yards" because we've both been living the single life for a while, and neither of us have enough for two people. Register for what you'd like; it'll help your guests know what you'd like and save you from getting random gifts that may not be useful or to your taste.

CandyGirlSparks

Ok, that's kind of what I was thinking too...thanks everyone! Yeah, my fiance and I like the idea of having new stuff and not bringing in anything that belonged to our past marriages.

His stepson came to live with us this past summer and showed up with a buttload of plates and plasticware that had belonged to his mom and my fiance. I just cringed inside...there was absolutely NO way I was going to put that stuff in with my dishes. I didn't even have to say anything to my fiance...he knew what I was thinking. He just said he would handle it...so he took him aside and said "Dude, sorry but you're gonna need to save that stuff for when you have your own place...it reminds me of your mom..." That was all it took, lol.

I wasn't sure if a couple was supposed to receive ANY gifts for a second wedding, much less register, but I figured that some people would bring a gift regardless, so I was thinking it would be ok at least under that condition.

mma3

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_can-register-again?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:b51ef20a-37ef-4d0f-a2e0-8fe64fd70bf7Post:768dc054-2ced-4ac1-a123-647ed6fc3cf2">Re: Can I register again?</a>:
[QUOTE] I wasn't sure if a couple was supposed to receive ANY gifts for a second wedding, much less register, but I figured that some people would bring a gift regardless, so I was thinking it would be ok at least under that condition.
Posted by CandyGirlSparks[/QUOTE]

If you visit other boards they will tell you not to register because you should already have this stuff (insert comment: I have often wondered how they can say this when many of them live with their FI).  We registered for upgrades on all things.  My thoughts on the registry is go for it!!!!!  Someone posted once about a chili lamp or something when a bride didn't register.

CandyGirlSparks

A lot of the stuff I got for my first wedding has gone bye-bye over the course of 15 years...the "Fry Daddy", for instance, that finally just wouldn't come clean anymore...gross. And some of the stuff my ex kept, that he has always used more than me, like the waffle maker. Also, my fiance's first wife ended up with their breadmaker.

All of our "what-nots" are still intact, but most of our kitchen stuff is not.

lharri12

I think it would be very tacky

SheDiva4

[QUOTE] If you visit other boards they will tell you not to register because you should already have this stuff (insert comment: I have often wondered how they can say this when many of them live with their FI). Posted by mma3[/QUOTE]

LOL  How true, we registered for a few things only because we will have guests who just have to buy something off the registry for a wedding, i.e my grandmother. 

Since you never include information about your registry then the ONLY way your guest will know is if they ask.  I would assume if they ask they don't feel it's tacky.

Rawr08

Agreed, not tacky.  You are getting married, do what you want.  Forget everyone else!  (sorry about the bad attitude, my wedding month board was making me mad this morning.  Sometimes first time brides just don't understand there are bigger things in life than the wedding)

melissamc2

In response to lharri12 :

I guess I just keep coming back to the same thing:  Why does it have to be downgraded just because you've done it before with someone else?

I'd hate to have sex with people who had this attitude.  "Sorry, I've already done this before, so I'm not going to put out as much effort or make a big deal of it this time!  I don't want to seem tacky!"  Geez.

wendyjoy182

I love this board! E veryone has the best attitude and perspective.  I agree with PPs do what you'd like if someone seeks out the registery they obviously want to give you a gift so at least it'll be one ya'll will enjoy.  I agree with Rawr08 that my local board focuses on the "wrong" thing or at least put too much focus on petty things and everytime I post something about doing what you want and not worrying about others and that in the end you'll be married to the love of your life and that is the only thing that matters in the long run so enjoy it regardless of a hair trial or a a wrong tone of a response card envelope etc.  No one ever post after I post thos posts of a dose of reality.  Funny=)"  Happy planning ladies!!!!!

lharri12

Sorry, that's just my opinion. She asked. I bet that more people would agree with me if this question was posted on a board other than the "Second Weddings" board. I am also of the opinion that if you're getting married for the second time, it's tacky to wear a big white dress, to have a big reception, and to have showers. If you disagree, you don't have to take my advice. What if you are getting married for the third time? Is it tacky to register for your third wedding? Is it tacky to wear a big white dress for your third wedding? I think the OP probably suspected that it is tacky, which is why she questioned it in the first place.

wendyjoy182

Opinions are like a-holes- everyone's got one and they tend to stink...a wedding is a celebration of love-period.  I'm sure you're right- 1st time boards would say "tacky" but they aren't in our same boat.  People want to give gifts at a wedding and I didn't want to register for fear of what others would think-but then I thought no one has to even look at the registery- It won't be printed anywhere so no one will know unless they seek it out and if no one does my FI and I said it's our own wish list to ourselves.  So who cares.  If someone thinks it tacky to have a registery a white dress and a party to celebrate that I'm out of a horrible life and found someone whom I deserve and love then I don't want any part of them.  Just my opinion and you can see what I think about opinions in my first sentence of this post.  Happy Friday knotties!

melissamc2

I AM getting married for the third time, but it is his first wedding and I don't think he should have to downgrade anything simply because I have an unfortunate history with marriage. 

You're right, it is your opinion - just as this is mine.  I'm not insulting you for having one, by any means.  I just think people are worrying way too much about what other people will think rather than what feels right for them.

If I got married a dozen times, I'd do it up right each time.  Celebrations are celebrations for a reason.  I'd be more concerned if "how it looked' was factoring more heavily into my wedding than "how we feel."

lharri12

fair enough, that was just my opinion

Rawr08

Don't people buy gifts for babyshowers.  No matter what number child they are on?  So my question lharri12 is, which marriage are you on?  AND are you registering?  I also agree with "oppions are like assholes, everyone's got one..."  and so on.  Some of us are happy to finally have found the one, and like melissamc2 said why should the FI downgrade (if it's his first) because we picked the wrong one (once or a couple times).  Be happy with who you are and what you want.

lharri12

This will be my first marriage.  Yes, we are registering.

And no, I didn't think people had baby showers after they have already had a child, but I'm sure people give them gifts anyway.
If you want to register for gifts for your second or third or fourth wedding, that's up to you.  I wasn't trying to be rude, I was just sharing my opinion, and you don't have to agree with me.

Rawr08

lharri12  Why are you on this board?  Is it your FI's second?  I'm a little confused.