Second wedding guest list...?

CandyGirlSparks

I tried to do a search for this topic, but the search function is down apparently, so forgive me if this has been addressed before, which I'm sure it has.

Second wedding for both my fiance and me. Do we have to invite all our relatives like we did the first time? I figure the answer is yes, but when my sister got married again, my mother told her brother and his wife that they shouldn't feel like they had to come (they live 4 hours away from her), since they had come to the first one...

I'm a Southern girl, my whole family lives in SC, NC, GA and AL...and I'm getting married in NY, which is where I live. I don't want to offend or hurt anyone, but I'm not sure what to do here. I mean, even inviting people just to be polite will cost money. As we're paying for this ourselves, I don't want to spend any more money on invitations than I absolutely have to. And I'm almost positive that most if not all of my AL relatives won't come.

Thoughts?

JenJune3

Personally I would invite them! Nick and I are both doing this for the second time and we are still inviting over 100 people to our reception, mainly family because I don't want to not invite someone.... now it's not as much family as the last time though! Like, I'm not inviting my 3rd cousin who I haven't seen or talked to since my last wedding 6 years ago, but still most all family! If they don't want to come, then that's fine, but I would rather that be their decision than mine!

nyrek

Lovely thing about 2nd time around is there are no rules.  You can absolutely invite your family if you want to...but are under no obligation to do so.  You can choose to keep it small and intimate...or go large.  If your guests choose not to come, oh well...and if they do, even better! 

FI's mom kept trying to add people on to our list, and we finally had to explain that we are not inviting people we have never met, nor will ever see again.  This is your day...do what's best for you guys!

Sue-n-Kevin

I agree with the prior poster, there are no rules. This is my first wedding, my fiance's third. We are inviting about 100 people, including my aunt and 3 cousins and their families from California. That's 17 people out of our 100 total. Some may come, some may not, With that many people involved, they will also have to find a place to stay because there is not enough room in the houses here for that much family.

Having said that, I am planning my budget around all of them coming, even though that is unlikely.

I also understand paying for the wedding yourselves, because we are too. I got a great deal on my invitations at Michael's so I don't mind the cost of the invites.

Do what you want. It's understandable that your budget is the primary driver, which it usually is. You have to decide, but there are no rules, and if it's only immediate family invited then that's just the way it is.

Good luck and WELCOME!

CandyGirlSparks

Thanks Ladies!

After discussing it some more, my fiance and I decided that we will only invite family that we're actually in touch with frequently. After I thought about it, I realized there are family members who have married a second time who didn't invite me (and I have a first cousin whom I was actually quite close to for a long time who has married FOUR times, and not invited me a single time)...so I think I'm in the clear, so to speak.

I really appreciate all the input.

Lisa50

Congrats on the decision.  Right now, I'm inviting most of my cousins, but thought about that once more after reading the details of your final choice.  Since we have TONS of time, I think I'll wait and let it simmer.  I'm not into tit-for-tat, but as I think about those relatives who have invited me to their weddings (and similar events), our 60-person guest list might lose about 10 guests.  Yay!  More money for a slammin' videographer (originally not in the budget, but an idea that's growing on me as time ticks on).

I'm sure your wedding will be fabulous and your guests will have a wonderful time.

Good luck!

thealphabride

Hey CandyGirl! Congrats.
We are paying too so I feel your pain. Thank God we both have small families.
We are only inviting who we can afford. Glad you chose to do the same.