Second Weddings

My Intro/ Rant

Hi everyone! This is my first post and I'm looking for a place to talk and vent. I'm hoping I can find people here in a similar situation. I'm 27 and got married to my "college sweetheart" when I was 23. We had a huge, gorgeous, elaborate wedding. Pretty much the day after our wedding a switch flipped in him and he became a totally different person. Emotionally abusive and just pretty much treated me like a dog. A year into our marriage I found out he had been cheating on me with a co worker (and had been talking to her before we were even married). I left him and moved home. We separated in summer 2010, and our divorce was finally finalized this July. 6 months into our divorce proceedings I met my current fiancé at my hometown church. He too had married his college sweetheart and she too had cheated and treated him horribly, so they had divorced. It was so therapeutic to meet someone tht had gone through a similar situation (I was the only divorced one out of my girlfriends). We started out as supportive friends And evolved into a wonderful relationship. We got engaged approximately two weeks ago. My family and friends love him and are so happy that we found each other, but my parents are very hesitant to talk about our wedding. We have already told them we will be paying for our own wedding, but I just don't feel like they want us to have a wedding. We've tentatively planned a small wedding for April 2013, less then 100 people at a local winery. Whenever I try to talk to my parents about it they kind of avoid the subject or give me vague advice like "you need to scale it down". I'm truly happy to get this second chance at love, and I want to celebrate with everyone I care about, but I'm constantly feeling like I'm being judged by my family for getting married again so soon. We are almost 30 and want to start a family so we don't want to wait. I've tried to approach the subject of a destination wedding to my FI but he seems dead set on having a church wedding here for our families. So, that's my long story. Thanks for reading :)

Re: My Intro/ Rant

  • Congratulations! Welcome to the board!  

    A lot of parents have the mind set that it's taboo to have an elaborate wedding for a second (or more) marriage - they would be wrong.  It's no longer taboo.  Celebrate your day your way.  If they are acting or being negative, tell them that you really appreciate their love and support and you want them to attend to celebrate your love and the beginning of your new life together, but this is your day and you will celebrate your way. 

    This is your first wedding to your FI, and it deserves to be celebrated according to your budget and the manner that makes you both happy. 
  • Congratulations on your engagement.  A wedding next spring will be absolutely lovely! 

    You may want to stop discussing the wedding with your parents until you hand delivery their invitation next year.  As Angie mentioned, a lot of people (parents or otherwise) continue to think of second weddings as taboo. 

    As you and your FI grow together over the next year, planning your wedding, your parents will see the potential in what's ahead for you more than the sadness/sorrow in your past.  Believe me, parents feel your heartache and joy.  The next year will be good for you and them.

    Best of luck planning your wedding.  If you have any desire to talk about shoes, I'm your pal.  LOL!
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