Second Weddings

Eloping... again

So the first time I got married 10 years ago, it was not under the best circumstances.  My boyfriend needed some life saving surgeries, I had the insurance.  We got married at the courthouse and went back to work.  I wore a skirt but nothing very ceremonious.  Our families knew about it, so it wasn't secretive but I was going to have a party later for them and that didn't work.  It was all kind of ... blah.  I regretted how it all went down and it wasn't special.  I kept thinking we'll do it over, but it never happened.  (Yes, I know the feeling on that now, but the Knot was slightly different 10 years ago.)

This time around, I was excited about having a wedding event, with guests!  FI wanted to celebrate with family and friends as he has never been married.  I had it all planned for Jackson Hole, venue booked, paid for, photographer, officiant.  It was immediate family and close friends only.  No invitations yet, but STDs yes.  Then there was some sad news with my dad's health and we decided things could be too close for comfort (all of our families would have to fly in regardless).  We cancelled it. 

I am still mourning was could have been (it was cancelled 2 weeks ago).  Also, it proved to be a huge hurdle planning a wedding for my family to attend.  Drama came out, people losing jobs, each sister just had a baby too.  Travelling was just too much for them and flying was required even if it were in our own backyard.  No one lives near us and we couldn't make one side do all the travelling.  So just waiting a year and redoing it doesn't seem like an option for us given how hard it was to get this one rolling.

Alas, we have decided to elope.  It is best for everyone.  I am really trying to make this a special elopement.  FI is whole heartedly agreeing we need to treat ourselves and make this very special.  He is all for the elopement - he probably could have gone either way.  He was more worried about me.  I'm wearing my lovely Casablanca gown that I already had purchased.  It'll be like a regular wedding event but with no guests.  Well, not a DJ or anything, but I plan on having a first dance to whatever is playing during dinner!

I just hope I can shake this "the wedding that never was" feeling so I can fully enjoy this special elopement.  I can think of a million pros for eloping but none to plan out a full wedding again.  Yes, I am exctied for our new plan in a gorgeous location we've always wanted to see, we'll get married while on our 2 week honeymoon, but also in the background I'm kind of "mer - I missed out on a wedding event again."  I think I regretted more not making it special (the first time) than not having family there.  It would be nice to have my family there, but I just don't think it's very feasible. 

(by wedding event - I mean with guests around you)

Anyone else elope both (+?)  times?

Re: Eloping... again

  • No, I have never eloped.  Good luck to ya!  Make sure you have a photographer!
  • Lisa's point is a good one.  What small elements can you include, beyond what you have already chosen, to make it feel special to you?  Can you skype the event to your families?  (We just had a woman skype her delivery to her husband deployed in Afghanistan.)  If not skype, what about a conference call line so they can listen and send you their immediate loving congratulations?  Can you have a videographer and put the event online quickly for them?  Have you selected music, poetry, vows, readings, or anything to personalize the event for you?  Are you having gorgeous flowers, or luscious food, or special jewelry? 

    What up sides to this private event can you discover?  The opportunity to make your vows deeply personal?  To make the ceremony really long for the two of you to enjoy?  The opportunity to meet a bunch of new people to celebrate with you (open your event to strangers- invite them to witness, make new friends?) 

    If this is the choice you have made, try embracing it and living in it.  How can you make it uniquely yours, and celbratory of the love the two of you share?  If you continue to look at it as an alternative imposed upon you, I think that you will once again walk away with regret.  Life is too short to carry regret.  You can choose to love this wedding.  ~Donna
  • Gina - I have read your posts on E a few times.  So sorry.  As PP have written, do whatever you can to make it special.  Wear the dress, have the photog, and everything Donna suggested. Best wishes
  • I would try to forget about the past and move forward and think about the planning for eloping. Im in a similiar situation i got married right away to my husband at the courthouse for legalization of his immigration status. We love each other and it was the smart and finincial thing to do in the long run but planning a wedding now as if we were just engaged gets tough because it was like we aready did have the wedding short and quick and my ideal image of my wedding. We have put wedding planning off for 6 months because of stress of what to and where and mostly the cost. Im finally putting together a destination wedding and try to make the most of it. Its as big and fun as you make it, nothing is perfect.
  • I can mourn a little - I'm letting myself.  I'm not one to dwell on this as there are so many pros for eloping.  Now ever single penny we spend will be on us and because we want to!  We don't need any input from anyone now.  It will be truly intimate.

    We're looking at this elopement package at Canada's #2 lodge and I've already been asking questions with the manager.  I've always wanted to see the Canadian Rockies and FI would love to go there too.  The lodge is secluded, top notch, on a beautiful lake.  They offer a bouquet, boutonniere, mini wedding cake (all of which you have input on), champagne with a gift of engraved toasting flutes in a wooden box, a three course wedding dinner (not secluded but I'm sure we'll get next to the window to look at the lake), 2 nights at the premier lodge king room with a fireplace and private balcony, plus breakfast.   I dont know if the do up the table nicely for the wedding meal, but I'm sure I can have details added or bring stuff in from the US.

    I am hiring a very good photographer.  I already have him picked out.  We may even do some lifestyle sessions the day before in other areas to maximize the beauty of the area.  Not sure if I want to go the videographer route. 

    We can run around and get all those items ourselves for way cheaper, but I kind of want someone to do it all for us and take care of us!  I've read lots of comments about how great the staff treats the couple and makes for an amazing day.  I would have someone come in to do my hair/makeup too.

    My parents don't have decent enough internet to do Skype or watch videos.  I guess we can put a phone on speaker but it's in Canada and I recall my phone does not work up there.  Plus it'll be outdoors.

  • Gina, sorry to hear you cancelled your wedding in Jackson Hole.  

    We live in a wedding destination area, and all of our guests had to travel to be here, and they did.  We sent out STD's to those that had to have lead time.  None of our ladies and gents live close at all.  We faced a similar situation with lack of or loss of jobs. We also had a lot of drama with 2 of the ladies. My DH's dad passed 5 months prior.  My mom's dad passed the Monday before and his funeral was the Thursday before, yet she made it to our wedding.  

    That said make your elopement what you want it to be, and be the bride you want to be.  There is nothing wrong with an initmate wedding.  Make sure to have the elements that you want.

    Congratulations, and celebrate!!!  
  • I'm sorry you're having to deal with so much.  I've seen your posts on the July board, too.  I'm not sure of where everyone is country wise, but could your parents watch from another family member's home or even get the pay as you go Mifi from Walmart.  It's like a little cellular router and they aren't much especially for just one use.  We're in the boonies and now have HughesNet, but we had the Mifi from Verizon and it worked just like our old cable modem did.

     You can do albums for your parents, too, so they can experience it with you that way as well as send announcements to people with pictures (sort of like the STDs I've seen with E pics.)   I know it isn't what you hoped or dreamed it would be, but I think it will still be very special and memorable.  You will be gorgeous in your Casablanca dress and the most important person will be there to see you in it. Smile
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  • Well, we're back to just holding off on a private wedding and just waiting until my dad passes.  I was all ready to book the Canadian idea, but then I freaked out.  I am reading about people who lost a parent and you're kind of just "not right" for a few months after.  I don't want to go through my wedding/honeymoon in that state.  So we're back to just waiting again (elopement = private wedding).
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