Does nobody have etiquette anymore??? RANT

fireytiger

Or even a thought about anybody but themselves? Seriously, i'm so frustrated! Yesterday FI's grandma posted a comment on my facebook saying "well, we definitely got our card and we're planning on coming." And I said "yeah, I know you are, but would you mind sending me the RSVP card back anyway? I'm not really putting check marks on "accepted" until I get the RSVP cards back just in case, and it makes me feel better to see positive RSVPs in the mail." and she had a COW! Apparently it was rude to tell her that she should send the pre-addressed, postage paid card back to us because it "should be obvious" they were coming. Apparently I was just putting those cards in the envelopes and paying extra postage for kicks. Even though everyone in my family has declined except my dad and grandma, they ALL have sent their RSVPs in. From FI's family, nobody has. And to not only NOT send it back, but to get OFFENDED because someone asked you to mail the card that clearly is meant to be mailed, is just ridiculous. I can't just sit here and assume everyone's going to show up, even if she IS his grandma, because my mom's parents declined too.

And on a second note, FMIL called me today when she found out that all of my family had declined, and said "oh, well that's a shame. Can you use your extra invitations to invite (XYZ random people that FI doesn't even know)? I mean, if your family can't make it, it's not fair to FI to not invite people who care about him." I just found out my entire family is not going to come to the wedding with the exception of 2 people, and all she can think about is "oh good, that means I can call her to get more of my friends added to the guest list"? UGH.

Rant over for the time being.

fireytiger

Well, it's a slippery slope to make assumptions. I've even tried thinking "okay, who do I absolutely know is coming?" for any number of reasons: heard from someone that they were probably coming, they're parents/grandparents/close relative/sibling/etc so of course they'll come, etc. It ends up like 2/3 of the guest list is assumed to be coming. And we've had rejects from people that we were so sure were coming, like my mom's parents and my aunts and uncles. That was the only reason I decided that we won't make any check marks on the "accepted" column until we get an RSVP back, or the RSVP date passes and we have to start hounding the stragglers for an answer. There was no reason to get her knickers in a bunch over it.

I honestly just didn't need this right now from them. I just found out my entire family with exception of my dad and grandmother will not come to my wedding, some for obnoxiously stupid reasons, I really don't need FMIL calling going "oh, that sucks. So can I add XYZ obscure friends of mine to the invite list now?" or FI's grandma jumping on my case for asking for a common courtesy. Between both families it's enough to make me want to just cancel the whole thing.

MikesAngie

My hubby had to chase down some of his "peeps" and one lied and said she sent the RSVP - it could have walked to our house and still gotten here before the wedding.... (That was the same cousin who's "kids" were rude on FB) any way they didn't come.

So I totally hear you on the "please send the RSVP card that I paid to have printed, paid the postage on the return envelope and addressed it for you - so please do that".  We started using our caterer as the reason since we had a seated dinner...

kmmssg

Why didn't you stop and call her on that?  She was being very rude and sometimes you don't need to turn the other cheek.  I would have had no problem asking her how she could ask for more invitations as I'm just finding out my entire family can't attend.  But then again, I'm like that sometimes.

fireytiger

I did call her on it, when she said that I said "EXCUSE ME?! This is really not an appropriate time for you to be asking me this!!!" When she got all upset and whiny I told her in exasperation that I'd think about it. Part of the reason she tends to get away with a lot of stuff is because she has MS, and it's progressing enough that it's really messing with her mentally. She doesn't always realize what she's saying or doing is inappropriate. But in this case I feel like, considering we'd told her repeatedly that NO, she can't invite more of her friends, that she should have known not to ask by now.