What are the Rules?

melio0617

So I'm not officially engaged yet, but I think it's pretty imminent and it's something we've talked about quite a lot and my first wedding was almost 10 years ago and so now I'm wondering... what are the rules?

This is my second and will be his first so I'm not entirely sure what's appropriate. I want him to have the full experience, but I don't want people to think "oh she's already had one wedding, she shouldn't be doing this or that" I had a nice little wedding, but if we do this, I kind of want to do something a bit more sophisticated and elegant this time around. I guess I just feel a bit strange going through all of it again since I already had the chance once.

I'd love to hear other second time brides, or anyone's opinion for that matter. Is it weird to invite people who attended your first wedding? Are there any traditions I should or shouldn't do? What about the type of dress, etc? TIA

JennaHR

As far as I'm concerned, a wedding is a celebration of love. As the bride, it's your day, whether its your first or fifth time around. I am planning to invite many friends and family that were at my first wedding, because they are still my friends and family, no matter what. In fact this wedding will be a larger event than my first.

Enjoy your planning process and your wedding, and leave worries over small minds behind

right1thistime

The RULE is that you MUST do what makes your heart(s) sing.  All the other rules are pretty much what they are for any other hosted social event.

Is it weird to invite people who attended your first wedding? Well, I wouldn't invite your former MIL.  Unless of course you two are very close, then its fine.  Your parents probably came to your first wedding- I think they'd be fine with being invited again.  In all seriousness- invite the people who will celebrate with you.  If they are hung up on "oooh- second time- hang that scarlet D around her neck"- leave them off the list.

Are there any traditions I should or shouldn't do? I would skip any tradition that you don't like, or that doesn't feel right.  And when I say YOU I mean the two of you.  If you absolutely HATE the garter toss -and he's all gung ho- negotiate.

What about the type of dress, etc?  Sackcloth and ashes is sooo 1990's.  I personally wouldn't wear the dress I wore the first time, but other than that- if its tasteful and you love it - wear it.  Princess ball gown, slinky sheath, sexy mermaid, no train, cathedral train - doesn't matter.  Most encore brides skip the blusher veil- but I know of at least one who's Fi wanted the experience of lifting the veil off her face at the ceremony- and she wore it.  The heavens did not open and smite her, the ground didn't swallow her, and they are still happily married.

Sorry - I am feeling a bit flippant today!!  ~Donna

handfast4me

I totally agree with Right1.  There really AREN'T many rules.  Wear what you want, make it you and FI's day. 

But here's a rule you may not have heard of before. As a second time bride, you must cultivate the "death stare."  You're likely to get comments as many of us did (You're not going to wear WHITE are you? or Why are you making a big deal of this?).   To which you will give them this icy cold stare that will stop them cold.  And then, you can follow it with "wow, I know you didn't mean to say that in that way, did you? I know you're happy for me that I found someone to love and who loves me."  Say it saccharine sweet, and you're fine. 
Best wishes!

candyr99

I too am getting married for the second time. I am also an older bride so I have been looking into the etiquette for a second wedding. From what I can see you can do pretty much whatever you want to do, just as if it was your first. Personally I would avoid the veil but that is a decision you need to make for yourself. You can also choose what "traditions" you want to follow and which ones you want to skip.

Do what feels good to you and your soon to be husband. Let the narrow minded people say what they will, they will anyway.

pamila51510

HAHA! I adore you ladies you always make me smile! It is true about the death stare! 

The only thing I can add is have fun!!! Really do what you want and Dance! Have a great time!!! Don't feel ashamed that you finally found happiness you should be shouting it from the rooftops.

Most of the time us 2nd or 3rd time brides actually are lucky because we get to plan what we want how we want rather than having mother involved. It is more personal and meaningful!!!

Marrin713

Fer cryeye - - - - speaking of rules:  the more I watch that Say Yes to the Dress while I work out, the more I want to ditch my simple Adrienne Papell and dash to the nearest bridal shop and cram myself into a mermaid style wedding gown.  <sigh>

thealphabride

Welcome Jenna! and Congrats.
I agree with all of the ladies. They do make me laugh, Donna, great post!

Do what makes you and your fiance feel comfortable in every aspect of the wedding. Remember this is your first time marrying HIM. Although you have done it before, I'm sure you've been through some "sh$t since then. You deserve a nice wedding for making it through and finding love again. It's a celebration of your love, nothing to slink around about.

It is absoutely ok for you to have a nice ceremony, involve your and your fiance's children in the ceremony, have a nice reception with dinner cocktails and dance,
wear a beautiful gown, wear a veil, have bridesmaids, be the guest of honor at your bridal shower, register for gifts, carry a gorgeous bouquet. It is ok. Do what makes you feel comfortable about the guest list. I agree with the others, leave the naysayers off the list, perfect the icy stare of death because you are bound to get some rude comments.

This is our second wedding and I have been divorced for 11 years. I was married in the courthouse first time around so I am doing it up this time.  My family and friends are thrilled and so am I. I am older and wearing a wedding gown (it is a wedding!) I've chosen a birdcage veil, having the dinner, cocktails and dancing then going on a honeymoon.

Feel free to post your questions here. We've seen about every issue that will come up around  second wedding.

kikibella1210

I am getting remarried in July in Las Vegas.  My son is giving me away, because my dad already did once so i felt it would be fitting for my son to have the honor.  My daughter is my maid of honor and FI sons are both co-best men.  I am wearing white & we won't be living together after we are married - at least for a few years. I have a teenage son and we don't want to move him out of school and my house isn't big enough for another adult... we are excited to be married but still have a little 'space'  we have been together 6 wonderful years and not lived together - what's a few more.  once my son graduates - i am out of here and moving in with my man.  We have accepted it is how it needs to be but i do get the 'icy stare' from people that don't understand we want to be man and wife - marry life partners and dont want to wait 3 more years to make that type of commitment. we love our own homes and really LOVE spending weekends together as a family. 

deepcovejackie

No rules!  Buwah ha ha ha ha ha ha HAAAAAAAAAAA!  White dress--check.  Fancy hair--check.  False eyelashes--maybe.  DW in remotest Mexico--check!  Death stare (see post above)--double check!!

deepcovejackie

ps--I think I saw Marrin 713 headed to Kleinfelds???

Marrin713

I'm a-knockin' on their door Jackie

melio0617

thanks so much ladies... you guys are a riot! This helps immensely and it's so nice to see other women out there having second weddings and living it up!

Monkita13

The only rule is that there are NO rules.  You do what you and your FI happy.  This is a celebration about your love... period. 

kimandjim74

Hi all.  This is my first post here. I am in the same boat as melio (add one more marriage to it tho), but am actually (just recently) engaged.  While waiting for him to pop the question, the thought had crossed my mind about what type of wedding I would have.  Of course I do think about what everyone is going to think, about how big we are going to do it.  We are not having a big wedding, it's not worth it financially for us, and I really feel weird about going all out again (if money was no object).  I have a 10 yr old daughter, who is soooo excited about it all.  Since it is his first, and his family/friends have not been-there-done-that for him already, we are definitely having some of the traditional things.  We're having a full bridal party (he is one of 5) he was in the bridal party for his 3 brothers, and they will be for us (so I do have a bit of a challenge, by asking some of mine to be in it again).  It is going to be a 'mature' bridal party (all over 35), and I don't want them to spare a great expense on our behalf.  So I am thinking I will make it clear that I don't want a shower, and am trying to think of 'alternative attire' for them.  

The only person, IMO, who I think is sort of against all the fanfare is my mother.  But that's for another post   Apparently I need to work on the death-stare for her. 

SweetestofMuses

"As a second time bride, you must cultivate the "death stare."  You're likely to get comments as many of us did (You're not going to wear WHITE are you? or Why are you making a big deal of this?).   To which you will give them this icy cold stare that will stop them cold.  And then, you can follow it with "wow, I know you didn't mean to say that in that way, did you? I know you're happy for me that I found someone to love and who loves me."  Say it saccharine sweet, and you're fine. " - handfast4me

I'm keeping this...forever and ever. I nearly spit water all over my invitations...

jssc_plsn

This also is my second marriage, my first was very small no dance or reception just 40 people if that in my parnets yard, Yes I am going all out. lol on a budget of course but i am having a wedding with about 300 to 350 guests full church service, reception, and dance. My fiance has never been married and comew from a huge family. i had wanted the whole romatic beach wedding in key west but we are bringing that feelin g to mn due to fam that can not travil that far for health reasons. but who cares what people think its your day again how many times do you get to get married a 2nd time right?

Zooloo

I think for your first wedding, you feel like you have to follow all of 'the rules'.  For your second, you get over it.