Getting Nervous...

sweetie1184

Hi Everyone!

I think I've posted here a couple of times awhile ago, but I mostly just lurk this board.

This is my 2nd marriage and FI's 1st. I am 26 and my first wedding happened when I was 20 because I was pregnant. (if I only knew then what I know now). Anyways, it lasted a whole 11 month before we split. The divorce was JUST final in December 09' because of property, money and custody issues of our son. It was a terrible awful nasty divroce. My now FI had been dating for a year and a half at that point. I'm so happy I've found the person I'm ment to be with and I'm totally in love with. He's a wonderful partner in life and a great step dad. We're getting married in 5 weeks

Earlier this week we went and got our marriage license. And now I'm starting to freak out. A flood of flashbacks of how awful my first "marriage" was, and how my ex completely changed IMMEDIATELY after we were married. Don't get me wrong I 100% want to be with my FI forever, but are any of you in the same position? Where the whole idea of marriage again starts to freak you out?

ichellemay1

I cannot even imagine my FI being like my xH.  They are polar opposites.  However, when I am feeling stressed or whatever - the thought has crossed my mind that things will drastically change after we get married.  We've been together (virtually inseparable) for 3 1/2 years - it makes no sense.  I think when we are emotional - we don't have to make sense.

Just focus on the wonderful new life you'll be starting in a few weeks!  GL!

thealphabride

I think it's normal to have a few doubts before going into another marriage. We all have been through the doubting phase. Marriage is a huge step in your life especially when a child is involved.

I feel you darling. I know it's scary. I was scared too and I am old enough to be your gma. (a young one, HA!)

Do a search for the "It's Normal" post on this board. There are many feelings you go through when getting married for the second time and most of them are scary but normal for second timers.

thealphabride

OH and congrats on the wedding, don't forget to stay in touch with us and come back and post pics!!!

MikesAngie

Congratultions on your upcoming wedding.  I'm sure that your nerves are the "normal" fears we all have when getting married.

This is what I told my baby sister when she married my now brother-in-law.  Think about your relationship - for the most part is it warm, close, loving, respectful, and are you happy close to most of the time?  Do you know in your heart that he is "the One"?  Do this then, if those answers are yes, look at him as you walk down the aisle and think about how much you love him, and how right things are. 

My BIL had been rearended just 3 days before on the freeway - he over spent his bachlor party budget gambling while on medications.  She was upset over that and thought that she was making a huge mistake.  Thankfully for both of them it was a temporary issue and they are doing fine.  Because tthey work well together and help one another through the ups and downs.  I think my baby sister got nervous because when she needed him to calm her fears; he needed her to help him recover from an accident - so it was just scary for her.

Please come back often and let us know how your special day goes - and we want to see pictures!!!

tropical.dreams

I think it's absolutely normal to feel this way. I love my FI more than I ever loved my ex-DH, and my stomach still does loops at times thinking about doing it all over again. Like the previous poster, my FI is as far different from my ex-DH as humanly possible, so I don't know exactly why I get nervous, other than the fact that no matter how much you love someone and think it will work, you can NEVER be 100%, and even just a 1% chance of going through pain and divorce again is enough to send my nerves into overdrive. For me, in addition, I'm going to be changing jobs and moving halfway across the country after the wedding, and I'm sure that contributes also.

You really just have to breathe slowly and tell yourself that nothing in life is guaranteed, but that you go into everything with confidence that YOU know your heart and will make the best decisions available to you at the time. Don't waste a moment of happiness being scared, because you'll look back later and regret it.

[Deleted User]

I'm probably in the same demographics as alphabride so I could at least be your very much older sister.  Today is my two month anniversary.  It was my first marriage (husbands second) and we had been together for 19 years when we decided to get married.  Husband said marriage changes things and equated it with the difference between renting and owning. Owners want to change things and make improvements.  My panic attack came when I saw the proofs for our invitations (don't know why that was the moment of truth - something about seeing it in print).  I'm talking about sweaty palms, shaky knees, eyes fixed and dilated, etc.  It passed; we've been married two months today, our wedding was beautiful and life is pretty much back to "normal." 

Bridal jitters or full blown panic attacks are just part of the wedding package.  We're all here to talk you down off the wall.  Enjoy every moment, even the scary ones, of the whole wedding process; it's really a lot of fun and the end product (the marriage and the wedding) are so worth it.

sweetie1184

I appreciate the encouraging words! Thanks everyone

I guess I had these jitters the first time too, and I should have ran then! It's hard to convince yourself it's different, even when you know it is!

tropical.dreams

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_getting-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:fea58067-fa77-452e-abd7-c7aa1fa38d57Post:6004f5b7-4907-472f-a556-91b7db576d27">Re: Getting Nervous...</a>:
[QUOTE]I appreciate the encouraging words! Thanks everyone :) I guess I had these jitters the first time too, and I should have ran then! It's hard to convince yourself it's different, even when you know it is!
Posted by sweetie1184[/QUOTE]

THIS!

It's like the sad little abused puppy dog learning not to wince when the new owner brings out the newspaper that it used to get beaten with. it's hard, when that's what you've known, you just have to give it time to heal.

thealphabride

Remember Love and Marriage is a leap of FAITH.  We were both really jittery in the beginning of our relationship because the trust had not been established yet. I had been divorced for 6 years and really really liked him and he had only been divorced a few months when we started dating. I didn't want to be the rebound girl and get hurt when he wanted to try other flavors.
He had just been hurt, and really really liked me and didn't want to get dumped again.
We both had faith, and 6 years later, when the bond and trust was established we married. We both had some jitters before the wedding. It is normal.
When he walked down the isle the first time he was really thinking it was the wrong thing to do. I told him if he got that feeling again to let me know, cause I didn't want to marry someone who wasn't "all in" ... he didn't have that feeling on our wedding day....

thealphabride

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_second-weddings_getting-nervous?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:35Discussion:fea58067-fa77-452e-abd7-c7aa1fa38d57Post:9419a5c9-8884-4d2a-ace1-4e0cbb7ee79b">Re: Getting Nervous...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm probably in the same demographics as alphabride so I could at least be your very much older sister. 

Good One Alex...love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:)