Big BM trouble for my BFF's wedding

DiscoveredAngel

This is kind of an odd situation, but I really need advice.

So my bestfriend of 13 years is getting married. I'm the MOH, and one of the other BM's is her friend of 20 years now. We are her closest and most trusted friends. But she's quite shy, and we're really her only friends. Meanwhile, on the Groom's side, there's his Bestman, his two brothers and the Bride's brother. The Groom begged to have even sides, so my BFF caved and asked the Girlfriends of her guy's brothers. I warned her not to do this, and exactly what I was worried about happened. One of the girls broke up with her boyfriend (a groomsman). And she did so in a way that she wouldn't be able to even come to the wedding, let alone be in it.

Frustrated, confused, and hurt, my BFF asked one of her cousins, who's she's fairly distant with, to step in. Her cousin was actually delighted to be a BM. After asking for the day off of work five months in advanced, her boss came to her just last week and told her two other employees are graduating that day, so she cannot have the day off! Although the groom wanted to push the wedding back to make some time for the BM, it would just be impossible, and the BM doesn't seem very interested in going from work to the wedding.

Lastly, the other BM (the other Groomsman's Girlfriend), DEMANDED to alter the dress to how she "see's fit". My dress is slightly different (it has sleeves), since I"m the MOH, but the other dresses are the same. They were bought from Macy's, are cute, and very wearable to other places. This is a fairly formal, traditional event, and this one BM in question wants to bring the hem up of her dress to about, oh...mid thigh. Although the Bride told her not to do this, the BM is still demanding to do what she wants.

Now, the Bride is very passive by nature (at her hair and make-up trial they messed up her hair big time and she just gave a little smile and quietly said "it's alright I understand"!) and would never loose her temper with anyone, but she is my opposite. My mantra at the moment is "This is HER wedding, HER wedding" but I want to lay in to these BM's so badly! I love my BFF very much, she is a sister to me. I just planned her shower and only one of the BM's (the other one who's known her forever) even bothered to show up.

What should I do? What advice can I give my Bestfriend? The wedding is next week, and I just don't know what to say to keep her at ease when I'm about bursting at the seems with frustration. I've often played "watch-dog" to my much more quiet Bestfriend, but I just feel it may be inappropriate for this situation, HER wedding.

Thanks!

AutumnFair

You need to calm down and keep staying out of it. Obviously your friend is carefree enough to not let this small stuff bother her (though the Bride does have the right to tell the BM wanting to change her dress to mid-thigh that she can do so after the wedding and if disagrees she can remove herself as a BM). I know you just trying to protect your friend but just let it go, its not worth causing drama this close to the wedding.

jagore08

Have the bride suggest to the other BM if she intends to wear this dress again she can alter it after the wedding.  If the ceremony taking place in a church?  If so, she can use that to her advantage and tell her short hems are not allowed inside her church (kind of like how some require shoulders to be covered).  As for you talking to this BM, it's not really your place (although if it were me I know I wouldn't be able to sit back and let my BFF get taken advantage of).

DiscoveredAngel

Thanks for your advice! I hadn't thought about the idea of her altering the dress after the wedding. Sometimes its so difficult for me to stay calm when it comes to my bestfriends.
But you're both right, I should stay calm and (try to) let it go. Since, while she may be MY nearest and dearest friend, that's not true with the other girls involved.

JennaV26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_big-bm-trouble-bffs-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:0384fef7-9a2d-4274-9d5a-7675e5788949Post:6f521a10-ffb1-47e0-bd03-0a2628068f71">Re: Big BM trouble for my BFF's wedding</a>:
[QUOTE] Obviously your friend is carefree enough to not let this small stuff bother her (though the Bride does have the right to tell the BM wanting to change her dress to mid-thigh that she can do so after the wedding and if disagrees she can remove herself as a BM).Posted by AutumnFair[/QUOTE]

I don't think this girl is <em>carefree, </em>I just think she's super shy and won't stick up for herself.

But I do agree with your suggestion about telling her she can't shorten her dress. It's best if this statement comes from the bride but if she's too shy I see no problem with the OP telling the other BM.