Save-the-dates or asking BM's first

hubbles

Still narrowing down the venue and date but I know it will be in either August or September in LA. Should I go ahead and ask my BM's to be in my wedding or wait until I've sent out Save-the-dates?

bablingbrooke

Wait until you have the date set in stone and then ask your WP.  Then send the STDs.

LoveMuffins

Ditto to what PP said. There's no rule about sending out the STDs before you ask your WP to be your WP. The STDs are mostly just for out of town guests so that they can make their travels plans well in advance.

SaraAndrew2010

I would set a date before you ask your BMs.  Hopefully your potential BMs will be free for your wedding date.  It's a lot easier to ask a friend, "I'd love for you to be a BM for my August 17 wedding.  Will you be my BM?"  Things can get a little sticky if you ask someone to be a BM and then later set a date that is problematic for the BM.

deb84

You don't have ot send out STDs.  We didn't.  For our situation they would have been a huge waste of money.  We had a year and a half engagement BUT our families are all very close and we talk so therefore everyone knew our wedding date.  Few people have to travel very far because we all live with in a few hours of each other.  STDs IMPO are for destination weddings, if you have a lot of family or friends who live far away or if you are getting married on a holiday weekend or nontraditional day (Fri/Sun) so people know to ask for time off work. 
Also, ask your wedding party NO SOONER than the 6-8 month mark.  Friendships do change.

graysquirrel

Wait to ask until you have a solid date set. It will be much easier on everyone involved if you can give them a day to clear on their calendars. As to whether you ask your WP or send STDs first, it doesn't matter IMO. But like others have said, if you have less than a year to go, skipping the STDs would probably be ok unless you have lots of OOT guests. 

Kate61487

I don't think it matters whether you ask first or send out the STDs first.  I agree you should set your date before you ask - just because it's nice for your BM to have all the info up front. 

I personally love STDs - they can be super cute, I'm WAY more likely to remember about your date (and thus not double-book the weekend) if I've got a reminder on my fridge, and as a friend (not a relative) it's nice to know early on that you'll be invited.  So if you want to do them I say go for it.

revived86

Personally, I definitely think you should ask your WP before you send out the STD's. They are going to be honored guests at your wedding and are (most likely...) going to be involved in the planning/preparation as the date gets closer- they should get the honor of finding out before the rest of your guests learn about your wedding. I just think it would be weird to get a save the date in the mail and then find out *later* that the bride wants you in the wedding party.

Both times I've been a BM and when I was a bride, the date was not set when the WP was asked, although a general range of time was given. I can see why it could be better to have a date before you ask your WP, but it also probably means that no one in your WP is going to be able to help you find the right venue and stuff- and that's a big job. Most people won't already have plans for one specific day 8 months in advance, though, so i think as long as you can give a basic range of time, you're pretty safe. If someone knows that they are moving away or going on a long trip or something at that time, they can let you know that and decide themselves if they should accept the role you've asked them to fulfill.

tldh

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_save-dates-asking-bms-first?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:14a13e83-4f82-4d2a-8ada-653a634c3490Post:b0659b5f-9a01-4540-be62-33698f1a96ee">Re: Save-the-dates or asking BM's first</a>:
[QUOTE]Don't ask anyone more than six months before the wedding. Relationships change, and you're stuck with them once you ask. My advice:<strong> save the money and skip the STDs if your wedding is less than a year away. They're more useful for long engagements.
</strong>Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

Send them to anyone who is going to have to travel.  They need the heads up that they may need to save money, request vacation days, book a hotel, book flights, book a rental car....

bablingbrooke

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_save-dates-asking-bms-first?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:14a13e83-4f82-4d2a-8ada-653a634c3490Post:db45766e-f6fd-411d-b727-17c06bfa3eb9">Re: Save-the-dates or asking BM's first</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Save-the-dates or asking BM's first : Send them to anyone who is going to have to travel.  They need the heads up that they may need to save money, request vacation days, book a hotel, book flights, book a rental car....
Posted by tldh[/QUOTE]
Not necessarily.  We had people coming from all over the world, and we just let them know via word of mouth since they already got the information that way anyway (DH also happens to come from a country w/o a functioning postal service, so that was another reason).  Two months is plenty of time to book travel, rent cars, etc. whether domestic or international.  Most people would wait that long even if they got a STD a year in advance.  You usually can't book anything more than 10 months out, and it's not advisable to do so more than four months out.