Moms and Maids

Invite MIL dress shopping?

Couldn't decide if I should post this under etiquette but I'm wrestling with whether I should invite my future mother in law to go shopping for my wedding dress. My mom, sister grandmother are coming. My MIL is sweet but she makes me question myself a lot. When we were discussing the ring my fiance and i picked out she kept pointing out the negatives, asking if I really wanted that. Um, yeah we picked it out for a reason!

She doesn't mean to come off in a rude way she genuinely thinks she's helping but she just stresses me out sometimes. I want my dress shopping experience to be a happy experience. However, I feel that it will hurt her feelings if I don't ask her. I want this whole wedding to set the tone for our relationship and I want to respect her.

Should I invite her to go with us? Will it be a disaster? Help!!

Re: Invite MIL dress shopping?

  • I am no help. I went by myself for that very reason.
  • I invited my FMIL, she declined. She came to the fitting later.
  • NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited March 2013
    There is no need to invite her. You have enough people already. You don't need a posse, and especially one that includes someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. Invite her to a fitting if you think she's miffed.
  • It can be a nice gesture, but it isn't necessary.  Does she have any daughters?  What does your FI think? 

    I invited my MIL to my dress fitting, and I wasn't that surprised that she came, but I was surprised at how much it meant for her to be included.  She was really excited because she has three sons and hasn't had the opportunity to be included in something like that.  

    If you end up inviting her but are concerned about her questions/comments, talk with your dress consultant when you're getting into the first dress, and they should be able to help wrangle the crowd and keep the conversation on what you like and don't like. 
  • I did a super secret spy operation solo the first time because I didn't want random opinions pushing me in weird directions. Then I took everyone for my 'first' shopping trip, tried on all the stuff they wanted, and then picked my dress I'd reserved from my secret appt. No feelings hurt, my opinion was never jeopardized, and the full experience was had by all. Including my fmil.
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  • I just went with my mom and my sister. I kind of hated the experience, but not because of who I was with. The plus side to it was I got to try on the Vera Wang dress that made me feel like I was in a pink marshmallow. Keep your entourage small - if you are stuck between two dresses or something after your first shopping trip, maybe invite her to the second or to a fitting. I think it's ok to say that a dress fitting tends to be a mother-daughter (your side of the family) experience.
  • I also would not include her based on your description of her personality.  She sounds a lot like my g-ma actually and for that reason I didn't include g-ma in the dress search.  I went with just my mom.  I showed MIL a picture of it after I'd chosen it and g-ma came to my fitting (I figured she'd be less negative if she knew it was already a done deal, and I think I was right - that or she legitimately loved my dress....)
  • I ddin't ask my FMIL and to be honest, I won't be asking her to a fitting either.  She is very opinionated and I really don't want to risk her raining on my dress happiness.  If anything is ever said, my response is that I am keeping the dress a surprise for the wedding day. 
  • She sounds a lot like my FMIL. I included her and my mother (and sister and best friend) when I went dress shopping and it was miserable. I would definitely say not to invite your FMIL, as it may cause stress for you on a day that is supposed to be fun. 
  • I truly believe that the wedding dress only matters to you and your FI and no one else.  The most important thing is that you and your FI both love how you look in the dress.  I know that many brides to be go to buy the dress without the FI but I did and I only went with him.  I already know what style of dress I like and I brought him with me and I want to see his reaction when i put on the dress.  There's ones that he doesnt have much of a reaction but the one I got is the one he gave me a nice smile after seeing me in the dress.  The part about FMIL...my FMIL says negative stuff about almost everything we got.  She just has her own opinion and thought that she is doing us a favor by pointing out the negatives but she doesn't understand that maybe we liked the negatives she pointed out..right?  So if i were you, and if you don't want any drama and regrets that you didn't get your favorite dress, don't invite her. 
  • Thank you all for the support! I think I'm just going to go with my mom sis. Now I just have to figure out how to tell my FMIL... I guess I'll be providing some alternate ways for her to be involved.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_invite-mil-dress-shopping?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:194ebcd8-aa82-444d-9167-5de7bd4fbc79Post:84b6b1b0-513a-4fd6-b955-620c43d5006d">Re:Invite MIL dress shopping?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you all for the support! I think I'm just going to go with my mom sis. Now I just have to figure out how to tell my FMIL... I guess I'll be providing some alternate ways for her to be involved.
    Posted by lesliechappell[/QUOTE]

    In your original post, you ask if you should invite her.  You don't say whether the topic has come up.<div><span style="font-size:11px;">
    </span></div><div><span style="font-size:11px;"> If the subject of shopping has not come up with her, I don't think you necessarily need to tell her about your trip.  To me, telling her you are going dress shopping and then apologizing that you can't bring her along makes more of an issue.</span><div><div>
    </div></div></div><div>I would simply go dress shopping with your mom and sister,  If, <em>after the fact, </em>the subject of your dress comes up, I would keep the comments short and sweet.  It is not disrespectful or unusual for a bride to keep her shopping "buddies"  limited to her mom and siblings.  </div>
  • Check with your mom, but she probably won't mind being made the "bad guy", if you tell FMIL that it is important to your mom that the dress shopping be a mother-daughter day.
  • shannyb41shannyb41 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    edited December 2013
    I didn't invite mine for the first shopping trip.  My mom was very set on it just being me, her and my sister.  For the second trip out she was a little more laid back about it and suggested I invite my FMIL.  I also invited my best friend to come and my one aunt (she has no daughters so I knew she would have fun with this).  
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