future mil and dress shopping

janeen1689

i get along great with my future mil but i dont want her to come dress shopping with me because i want to keep it small and if i invite her im going to have to invite my future sil as well. any advice on how to not hurt her feelings?

kmmssg

Don't mention when you are going and invite her along to pick out BM dresses.  Quietly go with your mom or whomever you wish, just don't mention it at all.  Has she asked to go?

RaptorSLH

Why would you have to invite both?  If you want her, invite her, then tell her the same thing you just told us: you want to keep the group small, so you're only inviting a few people.

Every girl I talked to about my wedding wanted to come dress shopping.  Eventually, I had to start telling them thanks, but no thanks, I've got too many people already.  Have to start somewhere.

StephBeanWed61502

Look, if it's important to her to go with you and you don't invite her, her feelings are going to be hurt.  That's just how life works.  Either decide to hurt her feelings, or don't, but don't ask us how to not hurt her feelings while still doing what you want to do - if you don't want her there and she wants to be there, hurt feelings are pretty unavoidable.

Megschep

I was in a similar situation recently where my future mil asked me a couple of times if she could go dress shopping with me. I wanted to go with just my mom, so in went with my mom, bought my dress, and told her that I will bring her to a fitting. I didn't want to take away from my mom's experience of shopping with me for a dress.

SoSaysTara

What I did was went with my FMIL to one shop kinda casually and just tried on a few.. but saved the full-on shopping for a day I had set aside with my mom and 2 of my BMs.

MobKaz

Did your MIL actually ask to join?

I have been a MOB and am about to be a MOG.  My daughter did ask her MIL to join us when we went dress shopping.  It was the MIL who assumed that invitation included her daughter.  In the end, neither was able to join us.  The MIL did join us when the dress arrived.  She was just as thrilled to be at that event.

I never in a million years would presume to ask my future DIL to join her when dress shopping.  As it turns out, she was alone when she actually found the dress.  When her dress came in, she did ask both her mother and myself to join her.  I asked my FDIL whether she asked if her mom would care if I tagged along.  I would absolutely understand that some moms would prefer to keep that moment between themselves. I would not have felt hurt at all.

If your MIL has not brought up the issue, I would just keep it to yourself.  If, when your dress comes in, you opt to invite her then, I am sure she would enjoy it and appreciate the invitation.