Moms and Maids

Help! BM and MOH bridal shower ahh!!

Long story short I picked my best friend and my older sister to both be my MOH's..mainly because my FI picked his bestfriend and younger brother as his Best men and we couldn't decide.  

Now I have my sister, bestfriend, sister in law, and sis to be as my crew and I already am seeming to have some issues without knowing it! I am starting to wonder if I should have just put my bestfriend as the MOH.  

My sister is really close to me however she is going through a really tough time right now with a divorce, financially, and she is very emotional about everything these days... she works with my dad and he told me she was really stressed about being the MOH and that she didn't know how she was going to afford all of this stuff and blah blah blah.  So I was already worried because all I was expecting from her was just to hopefully buy the dress and show up and be there for me when I need it.  Now she is sending me emails and messages trying to plan the bridal shower in advance and it's stressing me out because I know she doesn't have the money etc.  

On the other hand my sis-in-law called a month ago asking to pay for the bridal shower and throw the whole thing.. I thought this would be amazing however I know if my sister wants to plan it she wants to do it all her self and I know my sis-in-law really really wants to do this for me (pay for it and throw it).  

Meanwhile my bestfriend/MOH I appointed to the bachelorette party and she is all over that no problem, and my sis-to-be hasn't been involved really at all which is fine. 

I guess I am juts not sure what to do here because I don't know how much control I really ahve over the girls as far as planning a bridal shower for me.  I would like for my sis-in-law to be in charge and handle it however I don't want to upset my sister/MOH when I guess it is more her role to do even thought I can just see her being so stressed, not having money for it, and being extremely overwhelmed and negative about it. HELP! 

Re: Help! BM and MOH bridal shower ahh!!

  • edited December 2011
    You need to stay out of it. You do not need to put anyone in charge of anything. No one is obligated to throw you a shower or a bachelorette party. All your WP has to do is buy the dress and show up for the wedding. If your sister has decided to throw you a shower, that is up to her. She is a grown up and can decide what she can afford.

    You are getting way to worked up about small things. People will offer to do what they are able to. Your BMs can get together and figure things out. Do not change anyone's position in your WP. You have already asked them to be a part of your day and it would be insulting if you change everyone around after the fact.
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  • edited December 2011
    I agree with PetalPockets. Just make sure all your bridesmaids can reach each other so they don't need you to relay messages. [I still only have a snail-mail address for my future in-laws, but my parents have their e-mail addresses.] Then keep saying, "Whatever you guys work out will be fantastic. I'm sure. Thank you so much for working together on this for me!"
  • edited December 2011
    Make sure all your bms and the 2 moms have each others contact information. Then stay out of it.
                       
  • RaptorSLHRaptorSLH member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Make sure sister and SIL have each other's contact information.  You shouldn't plan your own shower, and you shouldn't tell your sister what she can or cannot afford, but you CAN say "It's so wonderful that you want to throw me a shower.  SIL has offered too.  Here's her phone number and e-mail, so the two of you can coordinate plans.  Let me know what you decide!"

    Since some of these concerns are being filtered through Dad, I also think you can let him know what you told us - that you don't want to place undue pressure or demands, that only the dress and standing up for you are important, and "all of this stuff" is nice but not necessary.  If she came directly to you with her financial concerns, I'd say tell it to her.  As is, this may be one of those things that is better diplomatically filtered though the relative she confides in.
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  • edited December 2011
    Thank you this is all very helpful! I was not planning to change anyone's position in the party, I am also not expecting them to do anything but now that I am aware of the situation I was just concerned about what to do! 
  • kaitlyn&henrykaitlyn&henry member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    There really is nothing you should or can do. Your BMs and MOHs are all adults...your sister took it upon herself to start planning so do not let it stress you out since you heard she is having money problems. Since you are close, if she was having major problems she would come to you and let you know...

    Just like everyone else already said, make sure everyone has the contact info they need and let them handle it. Just go with the flow and just be excited you have proactive BMs/MOHs :)
  • edited December 2011
    Everyone else is right in that its not up to you to decide what your sister can or can't afford, however I also think many people do feel/think that throwing the shower is some sort of requirement of the MOH (its not at all, but I think many people might feel this way since its "tradition"). I would just let your sister know that you think its great she wants to throw you a shower, but it is by no means her obligation/requirement and oh hey SIL has been talking about a shower too her's her contact info maybe you can coordinate. Let them take it from there.
  • edited December 2011
    That was exactly my problem everyone all came to me saying they were throwing my shower acting like they were throwing the only shower I was having too.  So I didn't really know how to act! My sister/MOH emailed me and called me asking about stuff and said she would talk to my other MOH to get ideas..  I let my bestfriend/MOH know so she could have my sisters info etc and then she went on to tell me how she had already been planning it becase she was under the impression that the MOH always throws the party and she was telling me all about how she wanted to do it etc.. then inbetween that craziness was when my sis-inlaw/bridesmaid called asking to throw and pay for everything! So I told everyone they needed to talk to each other, but from what I have heard through the grape vine..they aren't so that was the main reason for asking what to do about the situation.  I never once asked anyone to do anything for me.. I honestly hadn't even gotten to think about a shower or any of that stuff I'm still focused on the beginning stuff like picking a cake, photographer, flowers etc. I have no idea how any of that stuff even works honestly.  My bestfriend/MOH told me she wanted to throw the bacheltorette party and after she mentioned it I told her I thought it would be more fun if she was the one in charge of that but I never asked/ assumed or anything. 
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