Chosing the bridal party

Hmartini21

I am having a difficult time chosing who I should ask to be a part of my wedding party.  I have too many people that I want to be a part of our big day and have narrowed it down to 8 people.  My fiance would like a smaller wedding party but I'm having a very difficult time deciding if we should cut people and if so who should be cut. We would like to pay for our wedding party apparel so a larger party will cost us a more.  I have my 2 sisters, my cousin and 5 of my closest friends.  How do we choose and compromise?  How big is too big for a wedding party?

orangecrush32

Honestly, I think 8 is too many. But this is coming from someone who is most likely going to have 3, 4 tops. You guys don't need to have even sides, but since you guys are paying for their apparel it sounds like you should cut some people. Only ask the people you can't imagine getting married without them standing next to you. Don't ask someone because you think they expect you to or they'll get mad if you don't.

And don't feel pressure to choose your WP until 9-6 months out. I know your wedding is October 2011, but you can still hold off a few more months, especially if you're struggling with choosing people.

LoveMuffins

I have 6 and trust me, it's already hard coordinating things. It's made me so thankful that the bride has nothing to do with planning the Shower or Bachlorette party; they're already full steam ahead on ideas but are probably going to struggle when it comes to setting a date!

Ditto to what Crush said about not asking someone because you think they expect you to or they'll get mad if you don't. As much as girls on here like to talk about how BMs don't have to do anything but show up, for the most part they're going to do much more than that and while it's a lot of fun, it's also a lot of work. Make sure you trust the girls you choose to be able to work well with the others, and to work well with you. Also, Out of Town bridesmaids have it even rougher. I've been one before, and as honored as I was and as much fun as I had, part of me wishes that I could have just been a guest.

 If you decide not to ask some of the girls, you can always honor them in some other way; asking them to be a reader, or to sing or play an instrument during the ceremony.

At the very last... you could choose your two sisters and your cousin and tell your friends that you decided to go with an all family cast, or vice versa and choose just your friends, have your sisters be part of the processional with your mom, and ask your cousin to read.

And hey, if you choose to go with all 8, that's acceptable and will be a lot of fun, it'll just also be hard on your wallet but that's your decision!

[Deleted User]

Your wedding isn't until next fall. Please don't ask anyone this far out. Yes, you can definitely think about who you might want to have, but friendships can change in a span of almost a year.

We had 6 attendants each. It just ended up that way, but the sides don't have to be even. And we had 2 FG's and 1 RB.

sarahbethski04

It's nice to want to include so many people in your wedding party, but if they come to the wedding they are still a part of your day. For your wedding party just think of the people who mean the most to you. Who has been there the longest? Who would you call first if your whole world came crashing down? Are any of those 8 people your sibilings? You are always going to hurt someone's feelings, so if you try to include everyone you're only going to ruin things for yourself. Just take some time and thing about it and don't make any quick decisions

trix1223

It's 3 am.  It's snowing like crazy and your car has broken down 35 minutes away from your home.  Quick:  who do you call that you KNOW will get out of bed and venture out to help you?  That's your WP.

artbyallie

If you've already asked 8 girls, then you have 8 girls. If you haven't, you can still wait another couple months, since your wedding is in October. And your fiancé does not have to pick the same number of people for his side. He has no say over your choices for attendants, and you have no say over his.

garcias1

I don't think 8 is too many girls.  Most people on here say to go with a small wedding party, but if you can't see having less than 8, than don't force it.  You don't have to pick an even number on each side, so if your FI doesn't want 8 attendants, it's not the end of the world.  Honestly, your attendants are your business, and FI's attendants are his.  He really shouldn't have any say in who you ask to be in your WP.  If you can't afford to pay for all of their attire, offer to pay half or something like that.  GL with whatever you decide.

seasidebride24

I was a BM for my older sister and she had a total of 7 girls in the WP.  I have to say it was really tough to coordinate all the ideas and get everyone on the same page.  Even though I wasn't the MOH, I had to take on all the planning of the shower and the bachelorette party because the MOH kind of went MIA.  In hindsight, my sister wishes she hadn't had so many in the WP and wishes she had waited to ask people because friendships changed over the course of the planning.  I took her advice when planning my WP and so I have my MOH and my two sisters in the BP.  It definitely gets more complicated the more people you add, but if you feel like you couldn't pick any of those girls over others then you shouldn't. 
Keep in mind the costs of having a WP that big if you are planning to pay for everyone's attire.  The least expensive BM dress I have worn was $75 and most dresses are at least that much, unless it is a very casual wedding.  Even still, $50 for each BM's dress with 8 BMs will cost you $400.  If you're planning to pay for accessories too, that could add up to A LOT of money just for the girls. 
Good luck with all your wedding planning!

ecuchika

I am having 7 girls and although its a larger number I couldn't see myself w/o those girls up there.  And in regards to the question who u would call to come get up-I couldn't use b/c my best and closest friends live 4-5 hours away.  My BP spans from NC-SC-MD-PA-OH.  Don't force it-I am not however as generous as you are and I can't afford to pay for their attire, but will help anyone that can't afford the BM dress. Give it more time and weigh your options.  GL

cndycne2005

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_chosing-bridal-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:26b9f8d0-e161-4031-afcd-4793912cc393Post:e1f7b029-4e16-474f-a1b8-ed69d3ea7c62">Re: Chosing the bridal party</a>:
[QUOTE]I have 6 and trust me, it's already hard coordinating things. It's made me so thankful that the bride has nothing to do with planning the Shower or Bachlorette party; they're already full steam ahead on ideas but are probably going to struggle when it comes to setting a date! Ditto to what Crush said about not asking someone because you think they expect you to or they'll get mad if you don't. As much as girls on here like to talk about how BMs don't have to do anything but show up, for the most part they're going to do much more than that and while it's a lot of fun, it's also a lot of work. Make sure you trust the girls you choose to be able to work well with the others, and to work well with you. Also, Out of Town bridesmaids have it even rougher. I've been one before, and as honored as I was and as much fun as I had, part of me wishes that I could have just been a guest.  If you decide not to ask some of the girls, you can always honor them in some other way; asking them to be a reader, or to sing or play an instrument during the ceremony. At the very last... <strong>you could choose your two sisters and your cousin and tell your friends that you decided to go with an all family cast, or vice versa and choose just your friends, have your sisters be part of the processional with your mom, and ask your cousin to read. </strong>And hey, if you choose to go with all 8, that's acceptable and will be a lot of fun, it'll just also be hard on your wallet =) but that's your decision!
Posted by LoveMuffins[/QUOTE]

I think this is an awsome idea. In this case, if you have to choose a split somewhere, I think the easiest would be between friends or family, instead of some kind of mixture. I am in a similar predicament. I have two sisters, whom I grew up with but am not particularly close to, yet four, dear dear girlfriends who have been close friends to me for years. I guess the "ideal" thing would have them all be bridesmaids, but I just don't want six bridemaids, nor do I want to make my decision based on politics. I've come to the solution to have my four girlfriends be the bridemaids and honor my sisters with the rest of my family in the processional. They may not like the idea of not being an official bridesmaid (my older sister in particular), but hopefully after explaing to them my reasons and that they will still be honored as family, it'll smooth things over. Yes, I still have yet to tell them and I admit, I've been putting it off because I know they'll have objections. But I plan to make it official after the holidays. Good luck!