Moms and Maids

Vent about Mom

I don't know where else to go. My FI hasn't had a steady job in almost 3 years due to the economy. My mom doesn't get this and thinks he is lazy and will never find a job. She doesn't understand, she thinks we can walk into Target and get a job, not that easy. I got off the phone with her her about an hour ago and we were talking about jobs and she said "you don't want to be on welfare living in a trailer, do u." It hurts so much because that where she thinks we are going to end up. I am just so frustrated, we are spedning christmas with my family. It's two days before Christmas and now I wish Christmas was over. Sorry for venting I have no one else to talk to. 
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Re: Vent about Mom

  • em01092em01092 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I'm very sorry to hear about your FI's situation. It's always worse during the holiday season. 

    Not that I am taking your mother's side here, but do you and your FI have a plan for the future? What does he do/is he trained to do? Has he considered extra vocational training/college/apprenticeships to further his potential? Are you working? Your mother may be concerned that you have not thought things through, and/or that getting married without two incomes is a bad idea. Granted it can be much more difficult, but not a death sentence by any means. 

    My advice to you is to stop discussing this with your mother. Frankly that is between you and him and is none of your mother's business. I know it's hard, because I have a tendency to share things with my mom too, but I would try not bring it up any more, and if she does, just say, "FI applied for a few jobs last week. Have you seen that new show ____ on Fox? I love it!" Change the subject and steer her to something else.
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  • This economy has been rough on a  lot of people. Sorry to hear you are having a hard time.

    Since your fi hasn't been able to find steady work for 3 years, it's time to develop a plan B. He could go to community college to train for a different type of work. Our local community colleges collaborate with employers, who are hiring, to train students in the skill they need most. If you are not working, you should do the same. And what's wrong with working at Target?

    If you are not asking your mom for money to help with your living expenses or pay for the wedding, then I suppose it's none of her business. Don't discuss it with her. If she is helping with your bills, or you are living with her, then she has a right to be concerned.



                       
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_vent-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:2acb66e5-80ae-43d1-8612-7ad9b60cf4d2Post:32ae86a5-0bd1-4e58-975c-0e82077540eb">Re: Vent about Mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]This economy has been rough on a  lot of people. Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Since your fi hasn't been able to find steady work for 3 years, it's time to develop a plan B. He could go to community college to train for a different type of work. Our local community colleges collaborate with employers, who are hiring, to train students in the skill they need most. If you are not working, you should do the same. And <strong>what's wrong with working at Target?</strong> If you are not asking your mom for money to help with your living expenses or pay for the wedding, then I suppose it's none of her business. Don't discuss it with her. If she is helping with your bills, or you are living with her, then she has a right to be concerned.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    I think OP just means that they can't just waltz up to the customer service desk and say "Hey, I need a job, gimme one", and have their wishes granted.
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_vent-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2acb66e5-80ae-43d1-8612-7ad9b60cf4d2Post:32ae86a5-0bd1-4e58-975c-0e82077540eb">Re: Vent about Mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]This economy has been rough on a  lot of people. Sorry to hear you are having a hard time. Since your fi hasn't been able to find steady work for 3 years, it's time to develop a plan B. He could go to community college to train for a different type of work. Our local community colleges collaborate with employers, who are hiring, to train students in the skill they need most. If you are not working, you should do the same. And what's wrong with working at Target? If you are not asking your mom for money to help with your living expenses or pay for the wedding, then I suppose it's none of her business. Don't discuss it with her. If she is helping with your bills, or you are living with her, then she has a right to be concerned.
    Posted by MairePoppy[/QUOTE]

    I understand what you are saying Maire!  As hard as it sounds...I would be working at McDonalds, 7-11, wherever, just to get a paycheck.  I have no pride when it comes to paying the bills.  I'm doing childcare and have a master's in counseling.
    My baby girl is a married woman...and now my baby girl HAS a baby girl. Time unfolds in such an amazing way. I've been blessed!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_vent-mom?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:2acb66e5-80ae-43d1-8612-7ad9b60cf4d2Post:eaf6183c-7c4c-487c-8942-935b7af5045f">Re: Vent about Mom</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vent about Mom : I understand what you are saying Maire!  As hard as it sounds...I would be working at McDonalds, 7-11, wherever, just to get a paycheck.  I have no pride when it comes to paying the bills.  I'm doing childcare and have a master's in counseling.
    Posted by Muffin'sMom[/QUOTE]

    I don't think its about pride.  It is not that easy to get a job at McDonalds (I was laughed at when I applied).  I also have no pride and will do what it takes, but with this unemployment rate sometimes you can't even get any job.

    Also, school may not be your best plan.  It might be, but think hard before putting that much time and money into something that might not help you. 
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  • edited December 2011
    Yes, the economy is terrible and jobs are scarce. I truly sympathize with those who are in school right now and have little hope of getting jobs in their chosen field. I have a son who is struggling, too. He is underemployed, but knows he's lucky to have a job. I am sorry that you were laughed at when you applied at McD's.

    School may or may not lead directly to a job. But at least you will have something to fill in those lost chunks of time, when you're putting your resume together.

    To all of you that are looking for work, I hope the New Year brings you good luck.





                       
  • I have a neighbor who works 3 part time jobs because he can't find a job, maybe your fiance can get some part-time jobs instead of having no job. Your mom is worried for you that's all, like one person said stop sharing your personal business with her because she can't handle it.  Remind your mom that even if he did have a full time job when you married he could still lose his job, get sick, whatever there are no guarantees that you will not struggle, but that your love for each other is about a committment that you are making to one another
  • You know what I can sympathize with you here. Its hard for us not to share the latest happenings with our moms because they once were our best friends. Hang in there and I agree with the others-if it isn't your moms personal business or doesnt concern her-don't include her. I like the point about changing the topic! At the end of it all just keep perspective of what you and your FI want and thats to BE TOGETHER! Hang tight!
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