Planning two weddings at once?

jessicajurczyk

So I am currently my mother's maid of honor and am helping her plan her wedding. The wedding is in September, but my boyfriend and I have been talking about getting married (not the same day). What if he proposes early in the year, and I am now in charge of planning our wedding as well as helping my mom with hers. Would this be considered rude? Should I put off planning our wedding until after my mother's wedding? Can I do both at once and maintain my sanity?

kaitlyn&henry

There is nothing wrong with doing both...and no one should expect you to put off planning your own wedding and put your life on hold because someone else is getting married.

I honestly would cross that bridge when you get there though and see what happens. Being your mom's MOH is great, but you have no obligation to help her plan her wedding or anything else besides buy a dress and show up. Helping out is great, but not a requirement.

tldh

Here's the beauty of planning your own wedding: you set the date.  If you are going to feel awkward getting married near your mother's wedding date then plan it for the following year.  Even better, stop worrying about this until you are actually engaged.

orangecrush32

This is a non-issue since you aren't currently engaged. If the situation occurs you can ask yourself the question again, but until then it's a question that doesn't really need an answer.

Grits8812

You can deffinatly do both.  It wouldn't be considered rude, espically since it is your mom I am sure she will be just as happy for you as you are for her.

Just make sure you don't overlook things for her wedding because you want to focus on yours.  If you think you can't handle planning both for around the same month without going insane, make yours later on in the year so you have time to help her finish hers up, then focus on the details of yours also.

LittleMissCutiePie

An MOH does the following:
-Buy a previously agreed upon outfit
-Show up, hopefully sober
-Walk down the aisle
-Smile for photos
Optional duties include: holding the bride's flowers, signing the marriage license, helping with planning details, attending the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner, throwing the bride a bachelorette and/or shower.

A Wedding Planner Does the Following:
-Plan multiple weddings at once
-Make $$$

You aren't your mother's wedding planner. You can help, for sure, but don't be afraid, if the situation does present itself, to tell your mom you need to take a step back and focus on your own wedding. But until you're actually engaged, don't stress out about it.

RaptorSLH

Agree with LittleMissCutie, 100%.  Grits is wrong - it's not your job to plan your mother's wedding.  She has a FI to help her, and can hire a wedding planner if she wants additional help.  While you certainly *can* help as much as you like, there is no obligation to put off your own wedding to focus on hers.

Also, PPs are right: you're borrowing trouble, worrying about this before the proposal.  Let it go until you and boyfriend are officially engaged.

Maggie0829

I really think that this is a moot point.  Why are you even worrying about this?  You aren't engaged and not even sure when or if you are going to get engaged.  I really wouldn't even worry about this until he pops the question and then like a PP said, with it being your wedding you decide the date so you wouldn't have to get married anywhere near your mothers wedding.

But, really, I wouldn't worry about this until it actually becomes an issue.

jemmini6

You aren't engaged, so this isn't an issue.

But I also wanted to add that your engagement or not, planning your mother's wedding is NOT your responsibility.  It's HER and HER FI's wedding, therefore, the sole responsibility of wedding planning falls on them.  Of course, you can help if you want to, but if any situation were to arise that makes you unable to commit any time to it, it is not rude for you to retract your help.

As PP stated, your only responsibility as MOH is to buy the dress, stand next to her for the ceremony, and smile for pictures.  Anything else is extra and should be appreciated no matter what extent that involvement is.

susanjd9

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_planning-two-weddings-once?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:32dd9ea8-a62a-42ec-a757-613ea49d6731Post:7baf10ec-fdc7-4e9d-8015-c90108ca3272">Re: Planning two weddings at once?</a>:
[QUOTE]You aren't engaged, so this isn't an issue. But I also wanted to add that your engagement or not, planning your mother's wedding is NOT your responsibility.  [/QUOTE]

<div>kind of harsh to say it is a nonissue because you are not engaged but i kind of agree. you don't need to worry about that until you get there. also, even if you were engaged your mom would be happy for you and you guys can do things together. she should also not rely on you to plan her entire wedding for her.</div>