Bridesmaidzilla - What should I do?

kr216

I have a bridesmaid who is mad that my fiance and I have decided not to have kids at the wedding.  She has teenagers and a toddler.  She has been difficult from the beginning and has made several snarky comments about the wedding plans and even gave my other bridesmaids and maid of honor a difficult time when they were planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party.  She has been nothing but judgmental and critical of me since I asked her to be in my wedding.  She stayed at my house the weekend of the bridal shower and was completely nasty.  She has sent me attacking emails about this.

Do I ask her to step down to prevent her negatiivty from bringing down the wedding?  Do I try to ignore it and hope she doesn't ruin the big day?  Help!

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaidzilla-what-should-i-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3860d831-da09-419a-a104-3281bc7826e5Post:bcd6238c-889e-4f40-a188-549280306e78">Bridesmaidzilla - What should I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a bridesmaid who is mad that my fiance and I have decided not to have kids at the wedding.  She has teenagers and a toddler.  She has been difficult from the beginning and has made several snarky comments about the wedding plans and even gave my other bridesmaids and maid of honor a difficult time when they were planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party.  She has been nothing but judgmental and critical of me since I asked her to be in my wedding.  She stayed at my house the weekend of the bridal shower and was completely nasty.  She has sent me attacking emails about this. Do I ask her to step down to prevent her negatiivty from bringing down the wedding?  Do I try to ignore it and hope she doesn't ruin the big day?  Help!
Posted by kr216[/QUOTE]

Don't kick her out. Just stop talking about your wedding plans with her.

willywally5

Yikes. She sounds like a peach. 

Afraid you are stuck, though. If you kick her out, you will look like a jerk. 

STOP talking to her about anything wedding related. I am assuming at this point she knows when/where to show up and what she should be wearing. If she doesn't, her bad. NOT yours. 

Maybe you will be really lucky and she will get so pissed off, she steps down. Again, her bad. NOT yours. 

Best of luck! And don't let her bring you down if she's still around on the big day!

kmmssg

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaidzilla-what-should-i-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3860d831-da09-419a-a104-3281bc7826e5Post:bcd6238c-889e-4f40-a188-549280306e78">Bridesmaidzilla - What should I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]I have a bridesmaid who is mad that my fiance and I have decided not to have kids at the wedding.  She has teenagers and a toddler.  She has been difficult from the beginning and has made several snarky comments about the wedding plans and even gave my other bridesmaids and maid of honor a difficult time when they were planning the bridal shower and bachelorette party.  She has been nothing but judgmental and critical of me since I asked her to be in my wedding.  She stayed at my house the weekend of the bridal shower and was completely nasty. <strong> She has sent me attacking emails about this</strong>. Do I ask her to step down to prevent her negatiivty from bringing down the wedding?  Do I try to ignore it and hope she doesn't ruin the big day?  Help!
Posted by kr216[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>OK, while I'm not advocating kicking her out I am saying that you don't have to ignore attacking emails about this.  Sit down with her and discuss them.  Don't discuss them from a "I'm kicking you out of the wedding" POV.  Discuss this from a friendship POV and tell her how they make you feel.  You don't have to ignore being attacked.  </div><div>
</div><div>Be firm in your decision to go kid free at the wedding.  Let her know this needs to be your last conversation about it and it is a closed subject from now on.  Let her know you will not tolerate being attacked any longer and ask her if she can accept your decision and move on.  If she says no, ask her how you guys are to move forward with your friendship as this hurts you.</div><div>
</div><div>Do you want to continue this friendship?  If YOU kick her out you will be the one ending it.  Is this  a door you want to permanently close?  She may end up taking herself out of the wedding.  </div><div>
</div><div>Some things do just need to be ignored but being attacked isn't one of them. </div><div>
</div>

kittykatkoo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaidzilla-what-should-i-do?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:3860d831-da09-419a-a104-3281bc7826e5Post:89496101-af4d-4f00-a9bd-b94a669d50cf">Re: Bridesmaidzilla - What should I do?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Bridesmaidzilla - What should I do? : OK, while I'm not advocating kicking her out I am saying that you don't have to ignore attacking emails about this.  Sit down with her and discuss them.  Don't discuss them from a "I'm kicking you out of the wedding" POV.  Discuss this from a friendship POV and tell her how they make you feel.  You don't have to ignore being attacked.   Be firm in your decision to go kid free at the wedding.  Let her know this needs to be your last conversation about it and it is a closed subject from now on.  Let her know you will not tolerate being attacked any longer and ask her if she can accept your decision and move on.  If she says no, ask her how you guys are to move forward with your friendship as this hurts you. Do you want to continue this friendship?  If YOU kick her out you will be the one ending it.  Is this  a door you want to permanently close?  She may end up taking herself out of the wedding.   Some things do just need to be ignored but being attacked isn't one of them. 
Posted by kmmssg[/QUOTE]

I agree to all of this

mdktmk

I don't understand why she can't be kicked out? If a bridesmaid isn't happy for the couple, giving snarky comments and nasty e-mails, then being kicked out is an option. But it should be the last resort. Sit her down and talk to her. Just talk and hash it out. She has some pent up negativity towards you, or you could be an easy target and she's putting her frustrations on you for something else, Who knows! But personally, if I've done everything possible with a bridesmaid and she'll still acting this way, then she's out. To me, the wedding party should consist of people who will stand up for you, are happy for the union and want to celebrate the couple's happiness. If not, then they'll be out. It's stressfull enough with the wedding planning and new marriage. Who needs a bridesmaidzilla in the mix!!

kmmssg

Kicking someone out of your wedding party is a relationship ending move.  Are you really going to kick someone out and end your relationship with them over one day?  You just don't do that.

bride4567

Since you are close to her, you should be able to talk with her. Ask her what is wrong? If there is anything you can do to help her? Sometimes, people have their own stresses in life and they may take it out on others without knowing it. 

If her only issue is her kids not going to the wedding, that is your decision if you want to include her children. However if you do, you may have other guests that would like their children there. It's difficult to say yes for one person and no to the rest. If she is only mad about her children not attending the wedding, you can offer to help her to find a great baby sitter for the toddler. 

It's difficult when others are giving you a hard time, but don't let it ruin your happiness in planning your wedding. This should be a happy time in your life.