frustrated with the bride, vent!

amsta911

I'm a BM in my brothers wedding and I was very to happy to hear that they wanted me to be in it. Lately though I've been getting frustrated because I feel like she's not taking into account that we all don't have an unlimited budget. She never asked us how much we could spend on a dress or anything. The dress is $200 (without alterations) and the shoes (that i will never wear again AND will be switching shoes right after pictures because she's requiring us to wear heels and my will be husband is my height) are $80 and with my wedding (a month before) and everything else, its just really hard for me to afford some of these things. When I think about stuff for my bridesmaids, I've been trying to make it as cost effective as possible because I would feel bad for making people buy things they might never wear again (basically I just picked out a cheaper dress and the rest they can pick out). I just wish she was more thoughtful when she picked some of this stuff and I know when you agree to be a BM you have to know you'll be spending some money. And I cant bring up this stuff because my brother and the bride are kind of dramatic and if I say something they will think I don't like her or something.  Just a little frustrated.

Simply Fated

I'm sorry you're going through this. Some people are just really thoughtless.

s-aries8990

Can you just have a conversation with them about your budget?

Maggie0829

Why didn't you speak up when she picked the dress and told you the price?  Why didn't you speak up about the shoes, which she should be paying for since she is being specific?

I understand you are frustrated but if you spoke up early on then you wouldn't be in this predicament.  Only you know your financial situation and yes she should have consulted with you and the other BMs before picking a dress but seeing as she didn't you really should have told her that the $200 dress and $80 shoes just weren't going to be possible.

renegade gaucho

Just tell her that you're sorry, but you can't afford to pay that much for a dress and shoes, and if she can't pick something more affordable you'll have to step down.  If she and your brother get upset over that, oh well.  Don't waste your time and money trying to please people who are crappy to you.

TimbersGirl

This is a tough cause I see both sides cause I am also a bride and BM this summer. 

BM side- yeah it is frustrating when something is alot of money but I have been putting money away little by little for my friend's wedding. I am not thrilled about spending $50 to get my hair done and I don't agree with everything the bride wants. Yes, she should have been more budget conscious on the dress and picked more practical shoes, but at the same time it about love for her that you do it anyway.

Bride side- I have 4 BM and two are my sisters. They have these problems you are having but over a $60 dress and are being flat out jerks about everything. I also got a phone call from my mom last night telling me how dare I expect my bm to spend money for a party for me and telling what I should and shouldn't do for my bridal shower in a very hateful tone. Come to find my MOH sent an email to the BMS about throwing a shower but I am gettting yelled out for it. Now, she is made cause they brought me into it. 

I would just pick your battles wisely. You don't want to break the bank for someone else's wedding(I sure don't) but at the time you don't want to be "that BM". IDK, this is a tough one.