Moms and Maids

Being direct

This is a little bit of a vent, sorry!

Today my mother called me to talk. Pretty usual. But then she started gossiping to me about her brother and all the stuff he's done. Not a big deal, I heard all these stories from my grandmother when she was alive though. Somehow the conversation led to my sister. The one who's pregnant with twins. And this is what upset me. My mom is assuming that since my sister is pregnant with twins she won't be able to come to the wedding/be in the wedding. The only reason this upset me is because my mom was telling me this, not my sister directly, because it sounds like my mom is making assumptions at this point.  

If my sister finds out that she should be on bedrest and can't make the wedding, she should tell me directly. Right? I'll understand. She's pregnant, these things happen. Doctors orders and stuff.

I guess I'm sort of just frustrated that people aren't being direct with me. I should probably check with my sister personally. I just wanted to vent a little.

Happy Friday!
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Married as of June 22, 2013!!!

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Re: Being direct

  • Eh, every family has a gossiper.  I wouldn't assume that your sister set your mother on you to communicate the news though.  She's probably taking her own initiative.

    Your best bet is to call your sister and tell her what you said here:  "Sis, mom is making some assumptions, and I wanted to make sure the communication between us is clear on this subject.  I want you in the wedding, but I completely understand if your doctor orders bedrest.  I won't be upset, but I will miss you at the wedding.  Either way, you're still my BM (if she is one)."

    Viola, done and done.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_being-direct?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4219ac4f-6ecb-4ba1-b632-45d935d4e17fPost:afe94915-3c19-4595-b188-f8ce5fdcfece">Re: Being direct</a>:
    [QUOTE]Eh, every family has a gossiper.  I wouldn't assume that your sister set your mother on you to communicate the news though.  She's probably taking her own initiative. Your best bet is to call your sister and tell her what you said here:  "Sis, mom is making some assumptions, and I wanted to make sure the communication between us is clear on this subject.  I want you in the wedding, but I completely understand if your doctor orders bedrest.  I won't be upset, but I will miss you at the wedding.  Either way, you're still my BM (if she is one)." Viola, done and done.
    Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    Actually after I posted my OP, I messaged my sister on fb since she's online. I told her what mom told me, and she seemed a little horrified. She said that she's assuming she'll be there, but we will have to play it by ear.
    Which I'm fine with. It all depends on what her doctor says closer to the wedding. If she can still make the wedding, there's always the opportunity to set a chair at the altar to have her sit as a bridesmaid if she doesn't want to/can't stand the whole ceremony.
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    Married as of June 22, 2013!!!

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  • I guess the title of being direct isn't the problem as I originally thought. It's more of the meddling that my mother is doing. She can't speak for my sister based on her assumptions. Lines of communication are open between my bridesmaids and I. If my sister can't make it, I believe she would tell me. Then I would just note it in the program that she's an honourary bridesmaid that couldn't make it.
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    Married as of June 22, 2013!!!

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_being-direct?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4219ac4f-6ecb-4ba1-b632-45d935d4e17fPost:257f0d55-46d9-40cd-aab7-e36528b31653">Re: Being direct</a>:
    [QUOTE]No, please don't call your sister with this. Pregnant women hate it when other people try to parent them.  Believe me, she is already getting a ton of unwanted and overly-solicitous advice from other people. Wait until she asks for help before you offer it.  She's an adult.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    I understand what you mean.
    Kind of works the same for brides sometimes too right? lol I guess people will always have an opinion and want to give you theirs in cases like weddings and babies. Best thing I can do is just wait to see what my sister will RSVP when the time comes and go from there.
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    Married as of June 22, 2013!!!

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  • my mom is the family gosiper too.  Until your sister comes to you directly I wouldn't say anything.  She probably mentioned something to your mom of it being a possibility and your mom blew it up.  Who knows how she will feel in 3 months, but I am sure as your sister will be there if she can.  Congrats on becomming an Auntie! 

    My mom keeps telling me my nephew (he is our ring bearer) may not come because it will be too hard for his mom to go to our wedding since she thought her and my brother were getting married (my brother and her are not married/were never engaged and are not together at the moment).  Mother of my nephew assures me nephew will be there and she is looking forward to the wedding.  I figure she would tell me if didn't want to come and her and my brother assured me nephew will be there.  I think (pretty much know) its just my mom being dramatic because she is upset my brother and nephew's mom broke up (it was mutual and they are very civil raising nephew).  She can't get over it and is on of those vain people who thinking people are judging her for my brother having a kid out of wedlock... see, your mom is not the only drama queen :) 

     
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_being-direct?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:4219ac4f-6ecb-4ba1-b632-45d935d4e17fPost:43f3aa94-35cc-402a-9849-aca77ce308c0">Re: Being direct</a>:
    [QUOTE]my mom is the family gosiper too.  Until your sister comes to you directly I wouldn't say anything.  She probably mentioned something to your mom of it being a possibility and your mom blew it up.  Who knows how she will feel in 3 months, but I am sure as your sister will be there if she can.  Congrats on becomming an Auntie!  My mom keeps telling me my nephew (he is our ring bearer) may not come because it will be too hard for his mom to go to our wedding since she thought her and my brother were getting married (my brother and her are not married/were never engaged and are not together at the moment).  Mother of my nephew assures me nephew will be there and she is looking forward to the wedding.  I figure she would tell me if didn't want to come and her and my brother assured me nephew will be there.  I think (pretty much know) its just my mom being dramatic because she is upset my brother and nephew's mom broke up (it was mutual and they are very civil raising nephew).  She can't get over it and is on of those vain people who thinking people are judging her for my brother having a kid out of wedlock... see, your mom is not the only drama queen :)   
    Posted by erinlin25[/QUOTE]

    lol Good! My mom is kind of the same way, I think she feels people will judge her for my sister being pregnant and unmarried (although she and her man have been together for 7 years now). Oh well, to try and get in her head to make sense of some of the stuff she says would be tricky.
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    Married as of June 22, 2013!!!

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