Can finally breathe now that the drama of my mom is over!

CrystalGF22

So in 47 days I will be getting married. And up till today my mom has made this whole planning and finalization a nightmare. She pretty much tried taking over all my decisions. And on more than one occassion she has promised to help out with something and then if I don't agree with her she says no and takes back her helping. And always in the past I've said something back or argued with her, which is what she wanted cause she LOVES attention by making me miserable. Our last squabble was over something so stupid. It all was from a joking comment by me about a song that she posted. Which in turn I got a nasty email from her about that. But for the first time in 26 years I didn't say a word. I didn't call her or email...nothing. She didn't like that too much. Then the next thing she did was say she wasn't going to my bachelorette party. I still said nothing. Well the final word came from her today that she is not coming to my wedding at all. And you know what? I feel like I can breathe now. And I'm not at all mad! It surprises me that I am not mad. But I have a lot of family that is done dealing with her and have stepped up and helped out and have been very supportive that her presence won't be missed. Her loss not mine. I won't lie and say I wish I had more of a supportive mother who actually acted like one, but I won't be stressed out the day of the wedding wondering if something will tick of my mother. Just felt like getting that out. 

NicoleBreeze2013

Cngratulations as long as your sure your fine not having her there

jboivin12

Wow is ur mothers name donna lol mine is and it sounds like we have the exact situation she tells me that she will pay for the reception hall and then tells me where to have it and then tells me that she will not pay for the bar because my step dad is a recovering alcholic i get that but how can u make stipulations on things like that only 10 people that are attending the wedding do not drink and most of them are kids! also she tells me that she will pay for my dress and i have to shop with out her because she lives 700 miles away from me she tells me a budget so i stuck with it and then when i pick my dress which is a tea length dress she does not think that it is approprate for church which i am having a problem also! but i had to buy something off the rack b/c it is only 3 months till my wedding and i am 5'1 how am i ever going to get a dress that does not need alterations if its long. i tried one long dress on and it was a hundred dollars more than the budget and i figured that i would just pay the 100 myself but the bridal consultant told me that it would cost 200 for alterations my mom told me in the begining that i would have to pay for alterations and i dont have it with everything else that i have to pay for. When u are paying for a wedding dress dont u usually pay for the alterations too?? so after i showed her the pic of me in the dresses i tried on she tells me she likes the long one i told her that it was 100 dollars more and then 200 for alterations she says well why didnt u get that one i would have paid for the alterations!!! i was furious why would u say one thing then say another that makes me soo mad no i know that i only decided to start planning my wedding 2 months ago which only gave me 5 months to plan but it has been 2 months just to get passes the bull just to tell them that in the end i am doing what i first planned to do. i mean come on people talk about bridezillas but u know what i think that the familys make them that way!!! My mom is still comming to the wedding but i am so mad that i dont know if i even want her there! All me and my Fiancee wanted was to get married in church and have a reception in his sisters backyard because we love the outdoors! thats what we are having now which is cheeper and my mom is mad tells me that she is only paying for the dress and the catering that she will do absoutly nothing else and she does not want to know anything more about the wedding it makes me sad because she is my mother and i love her but the bs is got to stop  i just dont understand that if i want to do it cheaper what is the big deal!!! and it should be about me and my fiancee and what we want not anyone else but i am the kind of bride that is willing to compromise i am not being a total bitch but everyone is making me out to be b/c i did not want to change my wedding date to have it where and when she wanted it!!!! 

Athsea

JBoivin, I understand how the situation could be frustrating, but it's hardly the same situation as the OP. Your mom wanted control because she was contributing financially, and that's fair. Many of us have wedding visions that do not match what our mothers want for us, and that causes tension. It doesn't make them awful people, and it's certainly not bad enough to wish her to simply not come. You say your mom is ONLY paying for the dress and the catering. That's a lot more than many of us get. I can't believe you act as though it's not enough for you. 

OP, as someone who has at times needed to cut my mom out of my life for my own sanity, I congratulate and sympathize with you. You're doing the right thing for you. 

missfrodo

OP, I'm glad you have friends and family to support you and your FI.  Obviously the issues with your mother started long before you were talking about weddings, and I hope everything works out for the best, which probably means you won't speak to your mother again.  If that's what's healthy for you, then I'm glad for your outcome and hope you enjoy your now less-stressful wedding and marriage!

JBoivin, please use punctuation in the future!  It's difficult to read all the run-on sentences.  Thanks!

jboivin12

I guess that when i posted i didnt really clarify how the OP was like mine let me be more clear. My mother is only paying for things because she wants to be able to have control! my fiancee and i never asked her to pay for anything  she told me she wanted to and i said okay cuz i wanted her to feel included in the wedding, now she is just taking it all over! When i called her to origionally tell her what me and my fiancee were doing i told her we were paying to have it catered in my sister n law to be's backyard. My mother then called me a few days later and told me that she wanted me to have it in a hall which is great but when i told her the hall i wanted it in it was not good enough. So she found one that was more expensive and told me that i had to pay for what she was not going to and then got mad when i told her that i could not afford it. So then she tells me that she is not paying for n e thing unless i have it where she wants it. When i finally told her that enough is enough i really cant afford what she wants i am doing it in the back yard with or without her help, i am not being ungreatful but when i told her also that i wanted to have it on the 28th of july she wanted to change it because of where she wanted to have it. i compromised and told her that i would have it where she wanted it but the day is something that me and my fiancee picked together, and the whole reason is my step son we have him then and the venu is not as inportant to me as having him here for the wedding. i am not the kind of person that does not compromise but somethings just cant be changed! i was willing to pay for my wedding myself. 

redheadtmk

OP.. I am glad you have support. I wish more people understood how freeing it is to finally be done with all the drama family can create. Once you are an adult, you get to decide what type of relationship you have with your parents, what you are willing to put up with, and where you draw the line. I told my parents early on that I would absolutely not tolerate many of things that I had to as a child. (trash talking each other etc) They respected that and our relationship is great. I am glad you got to the point where you can do that before it ruins your wedding. She will come around when she realizes that her behavior is no longer acceptable. Good luck