HI

luciapalmer

Hi,

Marrin713

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_very-emotional-mog-cry-over-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:60297b92-c180-44ab-bea4-6f47631cd65bPost:a5ceb62e-5900-4f78-a795-6450fb99f227">Re: Very Emotional MOG! Cry over everything!</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>Your son's fiancé needs to back off. Theyre pressuring you into doing something you don't want to do and that's mean.</strong> "It's very sweet of you to ask me to do a reading. I've thought it over and decided I do not want to do a reading." As for the mother and son dance... Have you considered nixing the sappy songs and going with something fun and upbeat?
Posted by Simply Fated[/QUOTE]

Bolded part is my feeling on the subject.  My best friend's son married last May and he picked the son/mother song - the Beatles <u>In My Life</u> (?)  It wasn't, to me, overly sentimental or emotionally gut wrenching, but there aren't many songs that are (again for me).  However if my son plays a video from the ASPCA and that Sarah McLoughlin song, I will be a heaping mess of mascara and hairspray.

But yes, I think FDIL needs to tone it down somewhat.

calliopeia2013

If you're afraid of public speaking, definitely decline to do the reading.  It sounds to me like they'll understand.

I'm kind of a crier too- emotional stuff gets me all teary-eyed.  If you don't want to cry through the dance, I agree with PPs who have suggested finding a more upbeat song.  It's okay to be emotional- but if you're unhappy with how emotional you are (you said above that you wished you could get over it), or you feel like it's interefering with your life, then that's when it's time to talk to a doctor about it.

slpankuch

Speaking in public with a fear takes practice. I had the same fear several years ago as a freshman in college. I went to school for communications so I had to get over my fear of public speaking since all my classes involved it.
If you are giving the speech, practice. Practice while driving, practice in front of your son and his fiance or a person you trust. Do it in front of a mirror. OVER AND OVER. That way when you get up front you will just regurgitate the speech since it will be engraved in your brain.

As far as crying goes, you will not be the only one at the wedding. It shows how much you love your son and his fiance. Don't worry about being a mess. The best pictures are ones with real emotion. When the ceremony is over and the reception is underway you will forget all about it, dance and have fun. He will only get married once. Don't worry about how you look on his day.
And I've been to many weddings where the MOG or FOB are sobbing through the dance. Like ppl said try something more fun and upbeat but if your son picks a more emotional song, just cry..it's an emotional day!

LoveMuffins

My parents both bawled during my wedding. So did my super tough big bro. My Dad cried the entire time he walked me up the aisle, and was teary eyed through most of our dance. Although, it helped that I chose an upbeat song for us to dance too. So did DH for him and MIL. No one judged and the photos still look great even though you can see that everyone is a little red-eyed - including me and DH. It adds a little something special to see how emotional everyone got.

Now, about the public speaking, maybe you can write something that someone else can read? My mom can't talk without crying at emotional events so I had to read something for her before. Or, if you don't want to write anything, just gracefullly decline and explain that you're not comfortable with public speaking and you know that you're going to be SO happy that you'll be crying too much to talk - which the bride will be touched by. Neither of my parents spoke at our wedding reception because, like I said, Mom can't and Dad's way too shy.

abcmommi22

Weddings=crying it's just going to happen.... my mil cried during mother/son dance because she had no idea.... we picked Bon Jovi's "Thank you for loving me" and as soon as the song hit the chorus she burst into tears. It's a special part of a wedding. Now if you're uncontrollable screaming and sobbing... you may just want to think about doing something funa nd up beat to get through it like someone previously suggested. Maybe make up a fun/funny dance to break into with your son? 

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE] It's okay to be emotional- but if you're unhappy with how emotional you are (you said above that you wished you could get over it), or you feel like it's interefering with your life, then that's when it's time to talk to a doctor about it.
Posted by calliopeia2013[/QUOTE]

<div>I really feel that if she expects to be crying all day over a bridal show, she's there.</div><div>
</div><div>I expect to mom and MIL to cry at my wedding.  I'm even making contingency plans with the minister in case I'm too choked up to say my vows, and I'm about the chattiest little loudmouth you'll ever meet.  But a bridal show shouldn't be worth more than a few tears.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm a country music fan; I get sad songs.  There were some that even my dad called tearjerkers, and he's not an unduly emotional guy.  But unless you're dancing to that trucker song about Teddy Bear, or that blasted Christmas shoes song, just listening to it on YouTube shouldn't make you break down that badly.</div>

owengirl996

If it makes you feel any better, this thread had me tearing up, reading everyone else's stories! lol

I used to be the most unemotional person...would be laughing when others were crying. Not anymore! I bawled at my cousin's wedding...especially during the "first look". Photographer totally caught me on camera too!

Anyway, it's totally normal. Just try not to think too hard about stuff. I don't know what really gets you going, when you look at your son, see a happy groom who is marrying his best friend...try not to see your little boy, if that makes sense. You will cry and nobody will think less of you for it! If you do feel you need help, don't be afraid to ask your doctor about it. You could probably get some kind of anti-anxiety med that you could take the day of the wedding (and any super emotional events leading up to it), but not something you would have to take regularly.

*hugs*...it'll be ok!

calliopeia2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_very-emotional-mog-cry-over-everything?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:60297b92-c180-44ab-bea4-6f47631cd65bPost:c716d03c-3d42-4de8-8862-2853e3ce3456">Re: Very Emotional MOG! Cry over everything!</a>:
[QUOTE]I really feel that if she expects to be crying all day over a bridal show, she's there. Posted by RaptorSLH[/QUOTE]

I actually agree, I just figure it's something she should probably judge for herself.  That level of emotionality kind of sounds like a hormone imbalance, or something else medical that a doctor could screen for.  Crying at your son's actual wedding is one thing, crying every time anyone so much as mentions weddings is...something else.  But she could also be exaggerating, which is why I phrased it in terms of her judging whether she feels unhappy/out of control.

bandjwedding2012

 I can understand where your coming from. The bride to be I don't think is being pushy, I think she just wants to make sure you don't change you mind.  She asked you to think about it, if you have and you don't think you can handle it. Tell her you are so excited about having her in the family and that being MOG is good enough. She may have felt the need to include you because her mother and stepmother are doing it.
    When my twin got married two years ago, my mom lost it as my sister was getting ready to leave the room to walk down the aisle. It's one of my favorite pictures because it's so real and touching. My normally very calm and collected father teared up as they walked down the aisle and it one shot there is just one tear on his face. When it came time for the father/daughter dance, my dad had no idea what song she had picked. It wasn't a sappy song, but to them it was a very touching song. It was from an old John Wayne western, that had Dean Martin in it. The photographer caught the moment my dad realized the song and he barely kept his tears back.  No one noticed, or thought less of them.
 I wouldn't worry about the tears, your one of the parents crying is totally okay. Unless your like a wailing loud crier and then that might get weird.

Kate61487

ditto Raptor about the bridal show - if it actually has you in tears all day you probably want to see a dr, b/c bridal shows just aren't that interesting.

As for the day of:  tears are normal, and like PPs have said can actually make the day more special.  Some tips from my own wedding:

- Dad knew he was going to cry, so he got it out early.  While we were in the back room, with probably 15 min to go, he gave me a very sweet heartfelt card.  It brought tears to my eyes and we had our emotional hugging moment.  Then we pulled it together.
- Walking down the aisle, as we approached the doors my dad started talking to me about the new saw he'd just bought (we're both very mechanical so this is a common topic for us).  All the way down the aisle we were talking about it's features and alternately laughing at how ridiculous that conversation was, but no tears
- For the F/D dance we started with the chicken dance (a surprise to him, we always danced to it together when I was little); he laughed until he cried.  It then switched to a much more traditional 'sappy' song, but we were so busy talking and laughing about the chicken dance and the rest of the day that I hardly even heard the words; and this was a song that EVERY time I listend to it on youtube or in the car I cried.  So if you're worried about it don't listen to the words!
- MIL cried through most of our ceremony.  Not bawling or anything, just happy tears; it was very sweet.  As long as you're under control I see no problem (but agree you shouldn't read if you don't want to)
- MIL also teared up at the start of the M/S dance, but they switched from a sappy song at the start to a polka in honor of their Polish heritage, and from that point on they were all smiles and laughing.

So remember that this is a happy FUN day, and embrace that!  You can still enjoy the day and soak up the moment without spending the whole day wallowing in the emotion, let yourself be distracted.  Try playing the M/S song in the background while you're doing something else, having a conversation, etc. and see how it goes.

Cuss10

I really don't think crying over the bridal show is a reason for her to think she has a problem. Her son is making a big step in her life, and she gaining a daughter that is getting married and she is an emotional person. What part of those things is wrong to cry about? Mother's cry watching their daughters try on wedding dresses for the first time, a bridal show is just another reminder of the happy and emotional day coming. 

My FMIL is a very emotional person, so instead of her body-shaking sobs piercing someone's eardrums during the reception we're having formal family portraits done and the photographer is supposed to catch a picture of them on the dance floor together with everyone else. 

Maybe after the father daughter dance your son could get up and make a small speech, 'I wanted to take this opportunity to dance with my mom, but she's a terrible dancer. So instead of dancing I'll just say this "I love you mom, thank you for always being there for me and helping me see when I found the one".' Or something to that effect.

You FDIL seems to love and respect you, by asking you to read with her mother and step mother at the wedding, and if she doesn't she loves and respects your son enough to want you to read. But you can tell her 'This is your special day. I really don't think I can be comfortable standing up there doing something special for you in front of everyone. I think I'd just prefer to hear what everyone else is going to say, so I can be free to cry my eyes out. 

I'm not an emotional person at all, but there are two songs that will make me cry like a baby 'Babe' by Styx and 'Country Roads' by John Denver. 

AlmostMrsStrong

Is it bridal show or bridal shower? Being emotional during a bridal shower is more understandable. That being said, I think you need to tell your son that his future wife needs to cool it. I understand her wanting to include you, but not at the cost of you being totally uncomfortable and miserable.

asiriusone

I could have written your post.  My family knows me and understands, but I want to spend those days of celebration without crying and the draining physical result that accompanies it.  My son is marrying a wonderful woman, and  I plan to enjoy every minute of the time we have celebrating up through the wedding.  So, I'm going to visit my doctor and procure me some little blue?, pink? pills.  Your FDIL will understand if you tell her you would rather not speak in a public manner.  If you think it's needed, express your love and support in some way so she knows you care and want a perfect wedding for her and your son.  I wish you all the best.