Bridesmaid dilemma

forth444

I'm having a problem with choosing bridesmaids.  My wedding was originally planned for October 16, 2010 but at the last minute had to be postponed.  We are now planning for this upcoming October 2011.  For my 2010 wedding I had 2 bridesmaids & 1 matron of honor.  They already bought their dresses.  In December 2010 one of my bridesmaids got engaged and is planning her wedding for this September 2011.  She has chosen bridesmaids and did not ask me to be one of them.  Apparently our friendship isn't as great as I thought.  My dilemma is, for my wedding this October 2011, what do I do with this girl??  I don't want her as my bridesmaid anymore, so do I just send her an invitation when the time comes?  It seems really rude to exclude her from my wedding party considering she's already paid for her bridesmaid dress.  But that's the only good reason I can think of anymore for letting her be in my wedding.  What do I do? 

McKenna2012

Everyone has reasons for why they choose the people in their wedding party.  Just because she didn't ask you doesn't mean your friendship is different than you perceived it.  Weddings aren't tit for tat, so she is not required to include you, nor should you uninvite her if she doesn't.

forth444

Ok I should expand on our friendship issue and say that we have drifted apart not just because of the bridesmaid issue.  I understand that she doesn't have to choose me as a bridesmaid just because I've chosen her, but we aren't good friends like we used to be and if I hadn't already chosen her before, I would not choose her now.  But she has already paid for her dress so I feel obligated to include her but would rather not.

McKenna2012

If you choose to kick her out, you need to pay for her dress and be prepared to end the friendship completely.  Good luck!

MairePoppy

Once you ask someone to be in your wedding party, you can't kick them out. Friendships change over the years. You might not feel as close to her now as you did a year ago. But five years from now she could be your closest friend. She already has her dress, just let it be.

kgorman307

Agree with PP - kicking a bridesmaid out of a wedding = ending the friendship. Imagine how you would feel if someone did that to you. Not asking you to be part of her wedding party is not equal to you kicking her out of yours.

Even if you've drifted apart recently, unless you had a major falling out & you are okay with ending the friendship you shouldn't kick her out. If you do make that decision, you absolutely need to reimburse her for her dress.

And if I were invited to a wedding where I'd been kicked out of the WP I'd RSVP with "hell no"

kellyb1487

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-dilemma-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:60a5c7f5-e996-4385-a89d-0ebb7e3d3743Post:78de8cfc-c616-4ce2-9e8a-21122d5ef776">Re: Bridesmaid dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]Agree with PP - kicking a bridesmaid out of a wedding = ending the friendship. Imagine how you would feel if someone did that to you. Not asking you to be part of her wedding party is not equal to you kicking her out of yours. Even if you've drifted apart recently, unless you had a major falling out & you are okay with ending the friendship you shouldn't kick her out. If you do make that decision, you absolutely need to reimburse her for her dress. And if I were invited to a wedding where I'd been kicked out of the WP I'd RSVP with "hell no"
Posted by kgorman307[/QUOTE]

I agree!

KateG528

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridesmaid-dilemma-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:60a5c7f5-e996-4385-a89d-0ebb7e3d3743Post:d860d048-617b-4d98-9c6a-2ca48f895f63">Bridesmaid dilemma</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm having a problem with choosing bridesmaids.  My wedding was originally planned for October 16, 2010 but at the last minute had to be postponed.  We are now planning for this upcoming October 2011.  For my 2010 wedding I had 2 bridesmaids & 1 matron of honor.  They already bought their dresses.  In December 2010 one of my bridesmaids got engaged and is planning her wedding for this September 2011.  <strong>She has chosen bridesmaids and did not ask me to be one of them.  Apparently our friendship isn't as great as I thought. </strong> My dilemma is, for my wedding this October 2011, what do I do with this girl??  I don't want her as my bridesmaid anymore, so do I just send her an invitation when the time comes?  It seems really rude to exclude her from my wedding party considering she's already paid for her bridesmaid dress.  But that's the only good reason I can think of anymore for letting her be in my wedding.  What do I do? 
Posted by forth444[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>If you allow this to be the only reason for her not being your bridesmaid then you are not as good of a friend to her as she probably thought. She may have had only a certain number of people in her party and picked her closest friends. It is childish of you to kick her out just becasue you are not her bridesmaid. If you value this friendship at all DO NOT DO THIS.</div>

TheKnittingJedi

Perhaps you could try reconnecting with her? Maybe set up a lunch date and talk about non-wedding things.

Nishy71

My advice is to talk to her face to face. Maybe she didn't ask you because she knew you had a lot going on with your wedding plans ... maybe SHE won't be able to do both weddings given that they're a month apart ... only way to figure it out is to have a personal chat with her.

Good Luck!

linzerd

I almost went through this same problem.  I am going to be a bridesmaid for one of my bridesmaids a month after my wedding.  We actually both got engaged within 2 weeks and when she called me on my birthday to congratulate me on my engagement and wish me a happy bday she told me that she had 10 family members that were going to be bridesmaids.  Naturally, I said that was ridiculous, because I think it is! But she did not mention any of her friends being bridesmaids in this conversation.  A while later it was really bothering me because I was trying to get all my maids squared away and didn't know what the deal was with her.  So I wrote her an email.  I explained to her that I felt weird and bummed and maybe I should say this but I thought we could be bridesmaids for each other and it would be cool.  Like it could be our gift to each other.  Turns out, she had planned on having me all along and just hadn't gotten that far yet to ask people.  So it turned out fine.

I think you should do this.  Write her a letter, email/facebook msg. and just say "I thought it was so cool when I found out you were getting married right before me and we g to be bridesmaids for each other and share this experience together"  and mention how it would be a cool gift to each other.  And listen, I felt the same way.  If she wasn't going to have me, then I didn't want to have her.  Sounds petty, but you are not the only one who feels this way!

I hope it turns out for you the way it did for me!