Getting Attire too Early?

nwwoodsybride

I feel like my bride is getting the bridesmaid dresses too soon. She was engaged and we were shopping for bridesmaid dresses about a year and a half ago. Then when it came to buying her wedding dress it came out that she and her FI might not get married. Sure enough a few months later they called it off and I feel like I dodged a bullet not getting my bridesmaid dress that night.

They worked things out after some months and are datng again. About two months ago the grapevine was saying she might get married this summer or fall. I started getting messages about what the bridesmaids will wear. Her and her boyfriend had a party and we all there a few weeks ago; I thought he might re-propose or they would announce their wedding date, nothing. 

Today she sent me an urgent text about needing my size and buying a dress. They don't have a date. They aren't technically engaged, she hasn't gotten her dress yet, and I feel like even if the wedding comes together in 6-9 months or longer it's odd to get our dresses so early. 

I don't want to sound unsupportive. I honestly do think they will eventually get married but wondering why no one can say when this wedding might happen.

LDubHawksFan

hmm, that is strange.  Maybe respond asking if this means the wedding has been rescheduled.  She should not be worrying about dresses if she doesn't have a date yet.  Don't say anything about how you worry about whether the day will actually happen.  If you guys order dresses and it's canceled again, the bride should be reimbursing you for the cost of the dress.

nwwoodsybride

I asked her if she'd gotten her dress or had a date. She said no but that the dresses were a really good deal. But I think if we can find on sale stuff now, it can happen by summer. What if the wedding changes from summer to fall? I'm not sure she'll like the same style.

Our mom's are best friends and our familes are connected so in the end a relationship is more important than a dress. I am just hoping to reason with her. Should I still offer to try on the dress but be firm about not buying it yet?

nwwoodsybride

Cool, thanks everyone. 

honeyjade22

I think its unfair for her to force you all into a dress without her even having her dress or a date. 

I know not every bride is like me, but I definitely had a clearer head about deciding on bridesmaids dresses after I had ordered my gown. What if she decides to get married next month? Its not fair for anyone's financial situation to have to immediately budget for a dress at the drop of a hat. I know its common for bridal salons to have sales on a regular basis. 

I also agree with your compromise, bridesmaids dresses I like 8 months ago are not even close to what my girls&I just decided on. I think your compromise is very fair. 

melb2013

I think everyone has answered your question nicely.  I just want to put on my judge-y hat and say this: I think this girl is more focused on having a wedding than having a marriage.  It sounds like this may be part of the cause of their first break up.  If I were you, I'd be staying away from what seems like a train wreck.

nwwoodsybride

I ended up telling her I didn't feel comfortable and gave her my reasons. She reiterated why it was such a good deal but she couldn't confirm Aug or proposal info. 

I spoke to my mom about being concerned and it it looks like her parents have said they won't spend any money until the ring is on her finger, so maybe this is her way of planning... us spending money, ha. I don't feel bad anymore since her family has set some boundaries. 

My mom brought up a valid point, that we have a vacation planned in August so I can't confirm I can be there for her big day until I know the date.

Thanks everyone, glad I didn't feel pressured to go buy the dress. 

nwwoodsybride

Bride bought the dress in every size and text me at 9:30pm that they'd be trying on dresses the next day at 1pm, be there. I told her I had plans, which I did.

My mom confirmed with her mom that they wouldn't have the wedding when we go on vacation and I ended up having free time so I stopped by around 5pm. I actually liked the dress and it's $40 bucks. I'm not sure how it fits for a summer afternoon wedding and it wouldn't fit for fall or winter but it's not my problem. 

My mom and her mom have been best friends for over 30 years and our families are close. We even go on vacations together so that's why it's not so easy to just say "No thanks." We were childhood best friends and it would be odd to everyone if I wasn't there. My mom said she wants to foot the bill for the dress. 

I've been trying to smooth things over and talk but I agree with PP that this has become about a wedding. She says they've gotten way better at communicating.. ok but no date set? And she asked him why he hasn't proposed and he said it was too busy because of holidays. <--- That makes no sense to me. Reaching into your pocket while you're sitting infront of a Christmas tree doesn't seem like rocket science. More so because he's already proposed; maybe if you propse twice the second time has to be more epic?

Also he said he hasn't been able to drive to her house and ask her dad permission. But he asked him already? 

There's no way I'd plan a wedding with a guy dragging his feet giving excuses. Are we all really planning a wedding and tapping our feet while he gets this proposal out of the way? That's what it feels like. 

nwwoodsybride

Part of me wanted to say no just out of respect for my own boundaries. I don't agree with what's happening. 

The other part of me said, the dress is free, if there's a wedding go support her. Any excuses I could give to drop out of the wedding would be hurtful as they are such close family friends.