MOB/MOG dress

aprilhaynes

What, if any, is the etiquette, for discussing attire with my FMIL? My mom says that according to what she's read/been told, the MOB kind of sets the tone in terms of dress length, color, degree of formal, etc.. Is this true, or urban legend?

[Deleted User]

Never heard of that before. The MOB & MOG can wear anything they want.

trix1223

It's old tradition.  The MOB chose her dress, and then the MOG chose hers based on formality and style.  (Actually, the old conventional wisdom was that the MOG was to wear beige and shut up.)

Thankfully that old custom has changed.  Moms are not part of the WP and don't have to match colors, etc.  At son and DIL's wedding, the girls wore short.  Moms both wore floor length.  It was fine.

The answer to what your FMIL should wear is what my adorable DIL said to me:

Me:  What do you want me to wear to the wedding.
DIL:  Whatever you feel beautiful and comfortable in.

Another point:  I've been MOB and MOG.  When I was MOG, I would have been mortified to try to dictate in any way, shape, or form, what my SIL's mom wore.
Tell you mom not to do that.  Because there's NO reason to.  The MOB is not more important than the MOG, IMO.

JennaV26

Eh, idk about that. FI's mom keeps asking about my mom's dress but my mom couldn't care less about what FI's mom is wearing. They both have very different styles and I'm sure they'll both look great no matter what they're wearing. I wouldn't worry about it.

quotequeen

I believe that even under the old tradition, the MOG was supposed to call the MOB and find out what she was wearing, and then choose something to complement it.  So neither you nor your mom would reach out to her about it, you would wait until she asked.

tommyandy

If the 3 of you are in the same town or close enough together, make it a girls day out & go shopping together.  This will also make the day of a little easier because they will have gotten past most of the awkward first meeting stuff.

babyhunbun7

yeah it is set by MOB.  i just found out my FMIL is wearing "light beige with a bit of sparkle to it"  she just got her dress 3 days before my wedding, too late to tell her to take it back and get something differnt.  nothing like waiting to the last minute

MairePoppy

I agree with Trix. That's an OLD tradition. As the MOB, I do not expect the MOG to choose her dress, based on my criteria. If she sees something she loves she should just buy it, no need to consult me about it. I wouldn't want anyone telling me how to dress and I wouldn't do it to anyone else.

ohwhynot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mobmog-dress?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:6ef0ef34-3252-4b8a-b733-2278ba49807cPost:eea248a1-75f0-4453-bf21-4b955dda1233">Re: MOB/MOG dress</a>:
[QUOTE]yeah it is set by MOB.  i just found out my FMIL is wearing "light beige with a bit of sparkle to it"  she just got her dress 3 days before my wedding, too late to tell her to take it back and get something differnt.  nothing like waiting to the last minute
Posted by babyhunbun7[/QUOTE]

You couldn't be more wrong.  Why on earth would you even consider telling a grown woman that she's not appropriately dressed?  Your FMIL's outfit sounds fine. 

LDYGTR13

As far as I've heard, MOB picks her dress - then MOG picks hers (just for color and formality's sake)...I dont really think it matters though. I DID however, have a friend who's mom chose a dress and it was the one that MOG wanted...MOB won that battle, but MOG got something similar.

aerinpegadrak

I think the whole "they should consult each other" thing comes from the days when the MOB and MOG would actually KNOW each other before the wedding.  Our parents met each other for the first time the day of the wedding and that's probably the only time they'll all be in the same room EVER, I think they both would have felt really strange calling each other up and saying, "Hey, what are you wearing to the wedding?"

FMIL gets to wear what she wants.  If she asks for advice, you can give it to her, but not before.

Catwoman708

It's a traditional courtesy for the MOG to confer with the MOB or wait until she chooses the length/formality.  That way they blend in with the wedding, and don't stand out like sore thumbs or clash. 

You can one of the following:

1.  Do nothing, and assume that the mothers are grown women who can and will dress appropriately for the occasion, or figure it out between them. 

2.  Keep your FMIL in the loop on colors, and BM dresses, the level of formality, and maybe show her some pictures so she can make an informed decision.

3.  Casually mention to your FMIL, or have your mother mention how excited she was to find a dress she liked.  Describe it briefly to her, and hope she takes the hint.

4.  Wait until FMIL mentions it.  Ask her what she has in mind.  If she asks you what you want, give her a rough idea, like length and level of formality, and just somthing that doesn't clash with the WP, but doesn't match exactly either.