Helping making mom realize we have different tastes

abbyful

My mother and I have quite different tastes:
She likes english gardens, I like tropical beaches.
She likes antiques, I like modern decor.
She likes log cabins, I like Spanish/Mediterannian architecture.
Etc.

But she THINKS we have the same style, which is making wedding planning difficult.

For example, I want a mermaid-style dress with a flower detail, such as Mikaella 1406. She wants me in sparkles/beading and chiffon. I want a plain crisp white square cake with a few flowers, she wants TONS of flowers on the cake and icing-work on the sides. I want modern and clean, she wants fru-fru.

I think it would be easier if she would finally realize our tastes are NOT the same. Any ideas on how to get her to realize this?

I've already sent her tons of pictures of things I like (dresses, centerpeices, cakes, etc.), but she sitll thinks I would like the same things she does.

tldh

Ask her to describe what she thinks your dream wedding would be and then tell her yours.  That may help her to see that you are not on the same page with the style and feel for your wedding. 

However, the requisite caveat:  if she's paying, you are going to have to compromise on some things.

aerinpegadrak

I like tldh's suggestion.  Otherwise, I just wouldn't talk about the wedding so much with her.  My mom and I don't really have the same taste, but my mom didn't really do much with the wedding planning.  If she's paying, she gets a say in the decision-making process, but if you're paying, you're not obligated to include her in every little decision.

annimh

My mom can be the same way, only I think she realizes I don't like the same things as she does, but she still turns around and acts as if we're on the same wavelength. Wishful thinking, I believe. And a need to be the one pulling the strings, which is a trait we both possess.

For instance, I've told her many times over that I do not want a foffy dress. I want a shorter dress, tea or knee length. Many, many times. Yet she still goes straight to the long dresses and makes comments along the lines of "well, how could you get over there in a long dress?" because they're her vision of what a dress is.

I've dealt with it by repeatedly pointing out that the things she wants are not the things I want and holding firm on what I want. Moms I guess get this really nice view of what their daughter's dream wedding should look like and let that run away with them. It's great to have mom's input and help, but you just need to keep a handle on the final decision--firmly. "That's not what I want. This is what I want."

That said, I think the first responder has the best idea--tell her what your dream wedding is in comparison to hers. I am not sure it will quelch your mother's desire for what she envisions as the perfect wedding, but it may help her step back and embrace letting you make the final decision.

suz62984

My FMIL is this way. She doesn't have any girls of her own and any other wedding she could be involved in. She kept trying to push pearl and lace dresses on me when shopping. I would just try on suggestions, but eventually had to nicely say...while that dress is very beautiful, i'm not really into anything pearl or lace.

I like Tldh's suggestion. If that doesn't show her that you have different tastes then perhaps talk less about the wedding with her. You could also just say things like, I do like the look of lots of flowers on the cake; however I really prefer the clean simple lines with less flowers. It is really gorgeous and modern. This look will be perfect for the wedding. Change subject.

superjules916

Sit down and talk to her. My mom and I were butting heads a lot because she just assumed that because I am getting married in a church that I want a fully traditional wedding. Once I explained to her that I didn't want to put my wedding in a proverbial "box" by labelling it and that I would rather have it reflect me and FI than have to choose specific things because they are "traditional" things have been going much better. Maybe you could talk to your mom about how "rustic" isn't really your dream and you were thinking of something more ____________. Use words like, "that doesn't really say 'me and FI'"