Moms and Maids

MOB wants to wear THIS:

My mother has picked out a dress for my wedding next September...from Victoria's Secret! 
She will be almost 52 at the time and has a track record of dressing like she's 22 (no bra, short shorts, etc.). I have told her nicely that I think it's too low cut and too short (underneath, there is a solid lining that barely hits mid-thigh) and even suggested similar, more appropriate MOB dresses,  but she is determined to order it. She says that if she orders a size bigger, it will be longer and she can have it taken in. I think it's completely inappropriate. She has also mentioned that if she has a hard time walking on the grass in her heels, she is planning on going barefoot! I want her to look sophisticated and age appropriate, especially since this is will be the first encounter my fiance's family will have with her (and that's a whole 'nother story) Help! 

Thanks for giving me some perspective, girls. :) I don't want to tell her what to wear per se, but rather prevent anyone from talking smack on my momma! But when all is said and done, the only things that will matter at the end of the day are that I'm marrying my best friend and everyone had a great time. 
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Re: MOB wants to wear THIS:

  • edited December 2011
    Unfortunately, the only people whose dress you can dictate are the members of the wedding party.  If your mom has a history of this, it's unlikely you can change her now.
    Best you can do is gently point out that she may look out of place, and remind yourself that she is the one who will look odd, not you.
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy Connecticut
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    edited December 2011
    The MOB gets to choose her own dress for the wedding.
    Your wedding is a year away, still, your mom might change her mind many times before then.
                
  • Kate61487Kate61487
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    edited December 2011
    Your mom's an adult and gets to wear what she wants - but I'd suggest you convince her not to waste the money on alterations, ordering it a size bigger will NOT make it longer
  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOB wants to wear THIS::
    I'd suggest you convince her not to waste the money on alterations, ordering it a size bigger will NOT make it longer
    Posted by Kate61487
    It might - I'm heavy but short, so it's a real problem for me, but some styles are cut longer as they get larger (although even then the difference going one size up is minimal.) The problem is that longer means longer everywhere - including the neckline.  And a small difference in the depth of the neckline is usually more noticable than a small difference in hemline length.
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  • edited December 2011
    As inappropriate as it may be, she's a grown woman and can wear what she wants. If she looks trashy, no one is going to care. They'll say "well, that's gross", and move on. Similarly, if I look at a very nicely dresses MOG, I'll say "great", and move on. It does NOT matter!
  • Kate61487Kate61487
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOB wants to wear THIS::
    In Response to Re: MOB wants to wear THIS: : It might - I'm heavy but short, so it's a real problem for me, but some styles are cut longer as they get larger (although even then the difference going one size up is minimal.) The problem is that longer means longer everywhere - including the neckline.  And a small difference in the depth of the neckline is usually more noticable than a small difference in hemline length.
    Posted by RaptorSLH
    I just figured since the item description defines the length as 19" from waist they probably won't change that as the size goes up.

    I think my favorite part is that the lining is fully detachable; sexy...
  • edited December 2011
    Ah, I didn't look up the item description.  If they define the length, I'm sure you're right.
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  • sarafoley98sarafoley98
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    edited December 2011
    Hijack her credit card? Hide her catalogues? Disable her internet? Maybe just tell her that instead of ordering it, you saw a similar one in a store somewhere and she should go with you to try it on. When it's gone, convince her to try on something else. The length may not be as bad if it wasn't also low-cut. Maybe she's concerned about looking frumpy, so try to steer her towards a dress that's at least just one or the other - long but showing some cleavage or short but high-necked.
  • em01092em01092
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    edited December 2011
    If you've told her how you feel about it and she still wants it, I would just hope she changes her mind. Like LittleMissCutie said, it really doesn't matter. I know you're worried it will reflect badly upon you if your mother dresses that way, but it won't, unless you're dealing with some extremely snobbish people. Everyone will be focused on you and your FI, along with the WP more so than the mothers. 


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  • CowgirlK39CowgirlK39
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    edited December 2011
    Yikes. While she is an adult and can make her own decisions, she needs to be informed that this is a wedding, not a high-fashion runway. I say you straight up tell her that her outfit makes you uncomfortable, and suggest other styles. She doesn't have to look "matronly" but there are far more appropriate outfits out there.
  • edited December 2011

    I would be pissed if my mom wore that.  I think you should be able to tell her in someway that she can find a better outfit.

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  • steffenfamsteffenfam
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    edited December 2011
    Could you suggest that she wear that to the rehearsal dinner and then help her choose something else for the wedding?
  • edited December 2011
    I've tried EVERYTHING. Suggesting other dresses, mentioning that it's too short/low cut, telling her it would look GREAT on her when her husband takes her on a date...She keeps getting all snitty when I bring it up. I've been really nice about it, I promise. I wouldn't want to hurt her feelings. I just want her to not wear a dress from a lingerie catalog! It's just not appropriate, IMO. But like some of the ladies said - she's an adult and she's gonna do what she wants. 
  • edited December 2011

    Your mother sounds like mine...the more you disagree with her the more she sticks to her opinion.  The more she knew I didn't like something, the more she wanted to do it.  I agree with one of the PPs - your wedding is a ways off.  Just stop talking about it and hopefully she'll change her mind.  Good luck...

  • i2012doi2012do
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    edited December 2011

    I actually think. In all honesty, that my cousins aunt wore this to my cousins wedding (her aunt, on the other side of the family). Her aunt and mom never got along (its her mom's, brothers wife if that makes sense). So I tink she did it to "stick it to" my aunt.
    But as it got warmer throughout the night, and we were dancing. she took the lace part off and just wore the dress.

    Poeple just talked and whispered to each other about how skanky she looked. She wore it with flip flops.  It didn't reflect ont eh bride at all. It reflected poorly on teh one that made the decision to wear the skanky dress.

    Let your mom wear it. When are you getting married? If its not in the summer maybe you can suggest she wear tights.


    I have to give credit to your mom for wearing VS clothes. I can't even squeeze my fat a$$ into their clothing anymore it runs so small. and short.

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  • edited December 2011
    Maybe you can convince her to wear flats and a blazer (and tights if it's appropriate to the season).  That will help a bit.
  • tldhtldh
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    edited December 2011
    Has she ordered dresses from VS before?  They are a lot tighter than you could imagine and not very comfortable - due in large part to the foundation garments that even women in great shape have to use with them.  I've even tried ordering in a larger size and none of them fit right in a larger size.  If she wants to order it, tell her to get it now to try it on.  She may change her mind once she see herself in it - unless she's a model, it will look absolutely nothing like this picture and will show every single flaw.
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  • joysyearjoysyear
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    edited December 2011
    Wow, thats very inappropriate.  I don't think anyone would want there Mom to wear that to the wedding.

    I would tell her she has to find something else.
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  • edited December 2011
    I would tell her she has to find something else.
    Posted by joysyear
    Does that actually work for you?  Because my mom certainly doesn't let me give her orders when she has her heart set on something, and it doesn't sound like OP's mom does either.
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  • maniovicmaniovic
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    edited December 2011
    Eeek! I was upset that my mom didn't want to wear a long formal dress. That seems extremely petty of me now. 

    I would play the 'it's my big day and it would mean a lot to me if we could pick your dress together.' Take her on a just you and her shopping trip.
  • edited December 2011
    My mother may be one of the only people I knkow that is more stubborn than I am! 
  • sparent2010sparent2010
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    edited December 2011
    Um yea she can wear what she wants and honestly I don't see the problem. If she loves it great for her. If you hate it I am sorry but like the PPs said she is an adult and can dress herself. I would say this is a fight I wouldn't even try to take on. It's NBD at the end of the day.
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  • ashlidieashlidie
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    edited December 2011
    I agree it may not be age-appropriate.  My 23 year old self actually thinks its cute, for ME lol.

    However, I fear there is really nothing you can do.  You can ask her if she is really sure, and I think that is as far as you can go. 
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  • ElinetrouwtElinetrouwt
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    edited December 2011
    Your mother wants to go to your wedding BAREFOOT and you're complaining about the dress? Forget about victoria's secret, buy her some flats first! Tell her you're concerned for her safety and you don't want her to have to go to the ER on your wedding day because of some broken glass of the dance floor, or whatever. 

    I judge brides who want to dictate their mother's clothing big time (sorry!), but if my mom attended my non-beachwedding barefoot, I'd be pretty upset!
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  • edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOB wants to wear THIS::
    Your mother wants to go to your wedding BAREFOOT and you're complaining about the dress? Forget about victoria's secret, buy her some flats first! Tell her you're concerned for her safety and you don't want her to have to go to the ER on your wedding day because of some broken glass of the dance floor, or whatever.  I judge brides who want to dictate their mother's clothing big time (sorry!), but if my mom attended my non-beachwedding barefoot, I'd be pretty upset!
    Posted by Elinetrouwt

    Don't be sorry! I asked for opinions. :) I am definitely concerned about  her going barefoot, and I am already planning on bringing her flats to wear if she tries to go barefoot. Like I've said before, I don't want to tell her what to wear, I just was asking for other brides' opinions as to whether it's inappropriate or not so I know how to handle it. No offense taken. :) 

  • RailWayWifeRailWayWife
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOB wants to wear THIS::
    Hijack her credit card? Hide her catalogues? Disable her internet? Maybe just tell her that instead of ordering it, you saw a similar one in a store somewhere and she should go with you to try it on. When it's gone, convince her to try on something else. The length may not be as bad if it wasn't also low-cut. Maybe she's concerned about looking frumpy, so try to steer her towards a dress that's at least just one or the other - long but showing some cleavage or short but high-necked.
    Posted by sarafoley98

    This


  • jessickofyajessickofya
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    edited December 2011
    I'm sorry to hear about the death of your mother. I can't imagine being in your heartbreaking situation. However,I don't see how it's relevant to the situation at all. Regardless of the fact that she if fortunate enough to still have her  mom around, she feels the dress is highly inappropriate. 

    Also, whether "age appropriate" is the politically correct term to use or not.. no MOB should be wearing a lingerie dress from a Victoria's Secret catalogue to her daughter's wedding. :)
  • tldhtldh
    2500 Comments
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    edited December 2011
    Age appropriate is not a nutty idea.  It doesn't mean that you wear a potato sack once you've hit a certain age.  I've seen senior women wearing clothing that was designed for teenagers and teens wearing clothing that was meant for a middle aged woman.  Had they traded they would have looked smashing because what they were wearing looked ridiculous on them.

    I am in my thirties, could actually pull off the dress that the MOB wants to wear and wouldn't even consider it.  It's designed for a woman in her early twenties for a date night.  I also won't wear the vast majority of what is sold in department stores because their buyers are shopping with baby boomer women and millennial women and girls in mind.  In other words, none of it is age appropriate for me.  Thank God for Ann Taylor.
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  • tldhtldh
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    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: MOB wants to wear THIS::
    What's relevant to this situation, Jessica, is that her mother is still here, still a mentally competent woman, and doesn't need her daughter to order her around.  Are you with me so far?  She can dislike the dress, but that's the limit of her entitlement.  Does this make sense? Brides can only tell the wedding party what to wear. Everyone else is off limits. I don't see much difference between the VS dress and some of the stuff at Ann Taylor.  LET THIS GO.  What the MOB wears is on her, not the couple.
    Posted by RetreadBride
    Wow.  I haven't seen you this condescending in a while.

    Nobody said that OP's mother is mentally incompetent or that her daughter should order her around.  Jessica's only mistake was believing anything the TK tells her and quoting it.  We've had many new brides on here who have made the same mistake.  No need for the holier than thou overreaction.

    and as for Ann Taylor, I really don't think you've ever once set foot in any of their stores.  It's the clothing that I usually pull out of my closet for work - as an attorney.
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  • cufflinxcufflinx
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    edited December 2011
    I think that women should be able to wear anything that they think it will look good on them. Even though your mom is 52 years old but she feels young inside. My uncle who is 56 years old even wore a harry potter lego cufflinks when he got married the second time. He used this type of cufflinks because he really enjoy reading the book. My point is, just be you want to be and express yourself without worrying about a thing. 
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