Moms and Maids

Mom Issues

Ok so my fiance and i got recently engaged and my step-mother and father have offered to give us some money to help out with the wedding.  I was having a blast with my step-mom planning and going dress shopping and so on and so fourth.  We then ran into an issue where the venue can only have 150 people.  My fiance and i both have large families and we are really close with our friends.  My step-mom wanted me to take a few of mine and my fiance's close friends off the guest list to make room for some of her friends from work that both my fiance and i do not know.  I understand that it is an exciting day for her and my father too but i feel that it should be about sharing our love with our close friends and family.  Well i told her how i felt and she got offended and didn't want to be part of the planning anymore.  I have not talked to my family for about a month now.  Help i don't know what to do about this situation

Re: Mom Issues

  • edited December 2011
    I think you are in your right to say no to her request.  Why would you want to drop some of your friends to add people you do not know. 

    I will give it a little time and then try to talk to her again, or can you talk to your dad about the situation?  Maybe your dad can help you understand where she is coming from? 
    God's Will never takes you where the Grace of God will not protect you
  • tldhtldh
    2500 Comments
    member
    edited December 2011
    Money = Strings.  Get to know this equation because it's going to be coming up a lot.

    If she and your dad are helping to pay, then they get a say in the guest list.  Split the number evenly between the two families and then figure out each individual side.  If you cut family, then you have to do it by circle on both sides: immediate family - /> aunts/uncles -> cousins -> great aunts/uncles/second cousins, etc.

    One more thing, you need to apologize to your step mother (and mean it) because you were in the wrong here.  I also wouldn't plan on any money from them until it is sitting in your bank account.
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  • Kate61487Kate61487
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2011
    In Response to Re: Mom Issues:
    I think you are in your right to say no to her request.  Why would you want to drop some of your friends to add people you do not know.  I will give it a little time and then try to talk to her again, or can you talk to your dad about the situation?  Maybe your dad can help you understand where she is coming from? 
    Posted by PjSj100811
    I agree with this.   I could see her argument a little more if it was for family, but her work friends?  many couples don't even invite their OWN work friends to their weddings. 

    Since they are paying that does make this tricky; and you have to be prepared that it MAY come down to her way or the highway.  But I would really hope that she'll realize (maybe with some help from your dad) that even though they're paying for the party the PURPOSE of the party is to celebrate your and FI's marriage and YOUR friends belong there more than her friends that don't even know you. 

    Good luck :-/
  • Kate61487Kate61487
    2500 Comments Fourth Anniversary 250 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited December 2011
    Just curious - you said they offered to give you "some money to help out"; how much are we talking exactly?  are they paying for absolutely everything? or the whole reception? or did they just give you enough to cover the dress, cake, and venue fee?

    If they're paying for the reception then everyone's above advice stands.

    If they are NOT paying for the reception and instead gave you enough for some specific items then those are the items they get a say in.  You can sit down with your dad and step mom and say "we really appreciate your generosity, but since WE are paying for the food and drinks we will be choosing who we're feeding.  This is the guest list we've come up with, there are 10 open seats that you're welcome to fill with friends or family you feel we've missed" (the same should be offered to your FILs). 

    Everyone always says on these boards "don't count on money until it's in your bank account".  Generally I think that advice is good.  But at the same time my parents were very generous with us and they paid for our entire wedding; they gave me a budget and they paid for everything directly - my mom signed the contracts with the venue and the florist, when I ordered invitations I put it on her credit card, etc.  My mom made it very clear from the beginning that it was MY wedding and we would do whatever I wanted within that budget.  I was very lucky in that regard.  So I guess I'm just saying if they're paying for the whole thing you don't have to get all nervous that you don't have the money in hand, just make sure THEY are contracting directly with your vendors if they will be the ones paying.
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