HELP! My FMIL Is Stealing My Idea....!

mel6685

My FMIL had my fiance call me to ask who I was using as my florist. AFTER I had given him the info he said it was for his sisters wedding, which we had to wait to schedule our's so she could get married first, and his mother wants to drape fabric from the ceiling. OMFG! That was my idea, that I had told her 2 months ago.

I spend hours online looking up this stuff and she just waltz's in and steals it for his sisters wedding that is a few months before ours....so NOW, it's going to look like we took that from his sister.

She claims that she doesn't remember me telling her that idea....I wish I had that conversation taped.

So, what should I do. My fiance knows that I am pissed beyond belief. BUT, he stands by his mother saying that she must not have known and it's not that big of a deal. Sorry, it is totally a big deal to me. Oh, and, she is planning his sisters entire wedding....his sister hasn't done anything.

Now I need a better idea to make our lofty venue look very elegant and romantic?
OR
Should I tell my florist/rental lady the issue and ask her not to rent the fabric to them?

AutumnFair

Unless you want to look like a 2 year old, I would say stick your original idea or find a new one. I'm sure if you tell your florist to not let them rent the fabric she will probably laugh because she knows that you would have to be joking to request something petty like that (also she would rent anyway because she wants the business). 

If you told FMIL this then she is lying in saying that she didn't know and FI definitely needs to believe you (almost a red flag in my book). But what's been done is done. DO NOT share any ideas with her. 

I'm sure FMIL is paying for his sister's wedding so she probably doesn't care all that much in planning. But why did wait so she could get married first? You should have stuck to your guns and picked whatever date you wanted. 

You need to take a nice bubble bath and relax, you definitely shouldn't let yourself get worked up over decorations.

PaigeMcC

I wouldn't be concerned about the decor.  Do what you want to do, plan what you want to plan and in the future I would not share these details with your FMIL.  She may be aware she is "copying you" or she may not be - but it really doesn't matter.  (Not to rag on you but lots of people have draping from the ceiling so maybe she saw it somewhere else and thought it was a good idea.) Have your wedding the way you want it and forget about the wedding she's planning.

mel6685

His sister got engaged before us...so she gets first wedding according to the FIL. And I def know that draping is not a new or inventive idea...theres just something about me saying it to her and then using it for that wedding. Totally wouldn't care if it was someone else.

Anyways, thanks for your input. I'm basically over it.

Catwoman708

"his mother wants to drape fabric from the ceiling. OMFG! That was my idea"

Sorry but this concept has been around a long time, and is quite common.  So common in fact, that it's "old news" already. 

Even if your FMIL "steals" your ideas, it doesn't affect your wedding at all.  She has a right to throw her daughter a lovely wedding.  Getting up set about it ony makes you look immature and petty.

Unique design ideas are great, but are not essential to having a successful, memorable wedding.  It's much more important to have a happy couple, a gracious attitude, and hosts who put the guest's needs and comfort above the need to show off.

MairePoppy

Calm down, please! You and FSIL will not be the first or last brides to drape fabric from the ceiling. Your idea is not so original, just watch any wedding planning show to see that is fairly common.

Your best friend, right now, could be that florist. Don't ask her to change your FSIL's fabric or flowers, but ask her for some suggestions for your own wedding. Let her know that you want your wedding to be different from your FSILs. You won't be able to do that if she goes to another florist.

Consider your FMILs copying as a compliment to your taste. From now on, keep your plans to yourself and you won't have to worry about being copied.

Make up with fi. Some guys just don't understand this wedding planning stuff.

Love is Bald

Mel, I feel for ya... and I 100% understand how pissed off you are.  If people say we are acting like 2 year olds, fine, we are two year olds.   I would absolutely hate it too.

However, now you know going forward, keep your ideas to yourself.  If she asks you what you are doing about X and Y, tell her you are not sure yet.  That's the best way around it.

However, something to maybe ponder over -- maybe she feels she as a connection with you since she is planning her daughters wedding and she feels you two can bond over planning?  Just a thought. 

They do say, mockery is the highest form of flattery...

tommyandy

Will your florist give you a better price since they are doing both weddings?  I would consider hanging crystals or throwies or flowers or ribbons in front of the drapes. 

dianenjnj

chill...no one is going to care or probably even notice.  

however

if you don't want her copying everything you do, don't give her any more info.  just tell her you're still looking as well.

dianenjnj

...."They do say, mockery is the highest form of flattery..."

that would be "mimicry"..., lol, not mockery