Setting a Date issues with Mother of the Bride

lyndsinc

I am 22 and going to graduate with Bachelors in Education degree in December 2010.  My goal before I was engaged was to continue with my masters to be a principal.  I have been dating my fiancé since we were sophomores in high school, totaling in 6 years of dating. FYI we are both virgins.   However my mother wants us to wait to get married till I am DONE with masters and not work as a teacher till I get my masters.  If we do this, we would be together about 8 years before we could get married. It is not an issue of money because my fiancé is an electrical engineer, he is also 22.  We do not want to wait that long to get married.  If it were up to us we would get married June 2011 and I would teach for a few years then start my masters. My dad is ok with this option.  But keep in mind my parents are paying for the wedding. 

So my question is how to explain to my mother our reasons for not waiting and how to explain to her that we want to get married June 2011 not when I get done with Masters. 

 

Please help!!

amagwire

If your parents pay, it's their call.  If your mother doesn't want to pay for your wedding until you're done with your masters program, what is stopping you and your fiance from paying for your own wedding? 

[Deleted User]

Pay for your own wedding. Problem solved. You get to set the date, make all the decisions, and get married when YOU want to, not your mother.

lalap69

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_setting-date-issues-mother-of-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8efe31fe-ae9d-4e96-908f-c81ffed5474dPost:87a3ec84-c3a8-4c56-bbae-ed06c1ba2fa3">Setting a Date issues with Mother of the Bride</a>:
[QUOTE]I am 22 and going to graduate with Bachelors in Education degree in December 2010.   My goal before I was engaged was to continue with my masters to be a principal.   I have been dating my fiancé since we were sophomores in high school, totaling in 6 years of dating.<strong> FYI we are both virgins. </strong>   However my mother wants us to wait to get married till I am DONE with masters and not work as a teacher till I get my masters.   If we do this, we would be together about 8 years before we could get married. It is not an issue of money because my fiancé is an electrical engineer, he is also 22.   We do not want to wait that long to get married.   If it were up to us we would get married June 2011 and I would teach for a few years then start my masters. My dad is ok with this option.   But keep in mind my parents are paying for the wedding.   So my question is how to explain to my mother our reasons for not waiting and how to explain to her that we want to get married June 2011 not when I get done with Masters.    Please help!!
Posted by lyndsinc[/QUOTE]
So you want to get married after you finish your B.Ed. instead of continuing on to get your MA and then getting married because you don't want to wait to have sex?

WhatawagSBNy

     Getting married is more than just having sex.  I would think after 6 years,  if you don't set a date soon,  you can't much care if you are together or not.

     To delay a further 2-3 years,  more school and still not working in your field,  is like prolonging adolescence until you are 24 or 25.

     As a principal or administrator,  the people you will be supervising are teachers.  If you have never been in their position,  all the theory and classes in the world will never teach you as much as 2-3 years teaching.   This is true in most human services fields, I think.

Also, the economy and public spending having contracted,  many administrative jobs are being eliminated, or 2 principals covering what for a few years has been 3-4 jobs.

Even with a masters, you might well start by teaching, because your lack of teaching experience,  or supervisory experience in any job,  will make you a less desireable candidate for jobs.


Separately -

     Set your date when the 2 of you want to be married, living together as each other's primary family, every day and night.  The wedding is 1 day,  the marriage is something you are ready for, or not.

     Whatever you decide about marriage,  teach a couple of years, taking courses 1 at a time or summers for a while.  When you have experience,  then push to complete the degree.

[Deleted User]

I would do what you guys want and if she doesn't want to pay for it and you want it bad enough, you will find a way to pay for it yourself. And then she can't say a darn word.

duckie1905

If you paid for your own wedding you wouldn't have to worry or care what your mom thought of the date.  Even though I happen to agree with her on finishing your planned education before getting married she can't call the shots if she isn't writing the checks.

brilibby4

I am about to graduate with a degree in education as well, but I am waiting a bit to go for my masters. Schools like hiring teachers who do not yet have their masters degree because it means they can start you off with less pay.  I know plenty of teachers who were hired over people with their masters simply because of this reason.  Also, I don't know about where you are from but here in Maine most schools will pay for you to get your masters after they have hired you.  This is certainly a career field where waiting before furthering education is sometimes beneficial.  Maybe try explaining this to your mom?  I hope it all works out for you!

KD+BC

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_setting-date-issues-mother-of-bride?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:8efe31fe-ae9d-4e96-908f-c81ffed5474dPost:2d073ca9-ec65-409a-8fa5-ee48f2706864">Re: Setting a Date issues with Mother of the Bride</a>:
[QUOTE]I am about to graduate with a degree in education as well, but I am waiting a bit to go for my masters. Schools like hiring teachers who do not yet have their masters degree because it means they can start you off with less pay.  I know plenty of teachers who were hired over people with their masters simply because of this reason.  Also, I don't know about where you are from but here in Maine most schools will pay for you to get your masters after they have hired you.  This is certainly a career field where waiting before furthering education is sometimes beneficial.  Maybe try explaining this to your mom?  I hope it all works out for you!
Posted by brilibby4[/QUOTE]

That depends on where you live. Where I'm from, many districts won't look at you unless you have your masters degree. Since you have to get your masters in NY they would rather you be finished so they don't have to worry about you losing your certification because you didn't finish your degree.

As far as the OPs questions, I think you should talk to your mom about why you want to get married sooner rather than later. I don't really know what your reason is other than wanting to have sex but I assume that as a mature adult ready to get married, you must have other reasons.

I personally did not want to get married until I got my masters degree but everyone is different. If you think you can get married and still accomplish your professional goals, then go for it. If you think there is a chance that you might get side tracked, then I would think about putting off the marriage until you are ready. What is waiting a couple of years going to hurt?

lyndsinc

It has nothing to do with sex.  I just put that in there to show that we are not the typical couple (being both virgins). 

lyndsinc

That is my argument, as a potential supervisor, I need to have hands on experience in teaching.  Right now, I have only had theories on how to deal with certain situations that would occur while I am principal. So I need to teach for at least 3-4 years to get that experience. I am not planning on starting off as a principal, my whole thing with getting masters was to have a back-up plan if I did not want to each any more as a teachers, I can progress to being a principal.

 I am from Northwest Tennessee by the way.  With the school district that I am planning on teaching in, they will hire a teacher right out of undergrad school over a masters, if they can just because of the pay difference.

tommyandy

Start teaching asap.  What if you find out you hate kids?  Then you can change fields without spending all that time & money getting a masters.