I'm a BM in a wedding. I have a question.

Knot Annie

So, I've been a bride (like a hundred years ago) and now I'm a BM in a wedding of one of my closest friend's. Since I work at TK she usually comes to me for advice on what to wear, flowers etc.

My question is:

Would it be rude to tell the bride (who I think would probably want very matchy dresses) that most of us in the BP want to just wear black dresses that we are able to choose ourselves...with her approval, of course?

Thanks in advance!

duckie1905

I think it would be fine but then again, I'm one of those uncooperative BMs that doesn't wear a dress that makes me look like garbage, even if the bride likes it.

All of my BMs picked out their own black dresses of any style, length, or fabric and everyone looked fabulous.

janedoe1113a

I don't think it would be rude to mention it, but be prepared for her to say she wants matching dresses.  The final say on the dresses is her choice.

banana468

I think it's OK. 

It's all in the phrasing:  "We're so excited to be BMs.  One of the new trends that we've spotted is going with something classic like black and then all the BMs pick their own dress.  It would be fantastic if that was something that worked for you."

And of course, you can show her shots of how that's a fantastic and very cohesive look to support your argument. 

[Deleted User]

I agree with Banana.  You are in a great position because you can say you see so many weddings, yadda, yadda, yadda.  I would take pictures of weddings in which it worked well for sure.  Many people are not able to see a concept in their mind.  

banana468

BTW, I think Stina is a perfect example of a bride who has her BMs in different black dresses that flatter them all very well.

She also had to point it out in a post that they were all different dresses!

bablingbrooke

Next time you have a good segueway into the topic (and hopefully she's the kind of bride who asks her BMs' opinions on dresses) tell her that you've noticed that this is a trend, that you've seen some really cute pictures of how it looks, and that you and the other BMs were thinking of going in this direction. 

I think in large part it's going to depend on the bride's point of view.  I was pretty laid back and let the BMs choose both the style and the color of the BM dresses.   But I won't begrudge any bride for wanting a say (or more control!) in the style/color of the dresses.  That's part of what you sign up for as a BM, IMHO.  At least as long as she isn't making you spend an arm and a leg on them!

Jazzy_belle

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_im-bm-wedding-question?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:91badb5d-f553-4a18-89ad-b16a9908a1a5Post:1db0890e-0328-44d4-96d1-834790c47e4f">Re: I'm a BM in a wedding. I have a question.</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it would be rude to mention it, but be prepared for her to say she wants matching dresses.  The final say on the dresses is her choice.
Posted by navybaby1113[/QUOTE]

stina93446

I would tell her that it's a huge trend that's going on right now and if she is open to the idea, show her pictures of other wedding parties that have done it.

noodle_oo

As a bride who wants matching dresses (in pink no less!), I wouldn't say anything.  I *LOVE* my BMs and I want them to be happy, but I also really want to have my WP look the way I want it to.  I've bought dresses as a BM for all my friends weddings, I kind of feel like it is my turn to pick.  If a BM said this to me, I would feel SO bad then asking them to wear the color/style that I want them to wear.  By telling her what YOU want, you are only going to make her feel guilty for asking you to do what she wants.  And it is her day, so why take that away from her?

banana468

Well, noodle, I think the large issue is that yes, it's the bride's day to get married. 

However the times they are a changin'.  Gone are the days that people had the spare cash to spend on a dress that was essentialy a 'throw away'.  Now that the economy is causing everyone to re-focus, isn't it best to realize what your friends are more comfortable doing because it's THEIR money? 

It's one thing if the friend wanted to do something out of her own pocket but I think if you're asking them to buy the dress, you need to expect that they'll have some legit input on the topic.

Annie, how's the search going?