incooperative bridesmaids

nelsemi

 

AdeleDazeem

So wait... you picked a dress for them?  What are you trying to get them to do now?  Just try it on and see or actually get fitted?  Have dresses been ordered?

Let's say you've picked a dress.  Fine.  Give them the shop information and tell them the last day they need to order it.  Done.  If they don't order it on time, that's on them.

Let's say you've already ordered the dresses and now you're trying to get them fittings.  Just hand them their dresses and let them schedule things on their own.

It is clear that organizing these trips isn't going well.  So, stop.  Let them be adults and handle it.  If they don't do it, then they've removed themselves from the wedding. 

zitiqueen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_incooperative-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:9711901a-b260-4068-9a8f-ccdfb4a5cb38Post:249d3126-68fd-41de-aa76-423039116b9a">incooperative bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]I have three bridesmaids. Two of them seem to be a bit incooperative, maybe even a bit self centered.  They can't seem to let go of their schedules for anything. I have scheduled and rescheduled numerous dress shopping trips, more than once giving them several  months notice about the shopping trip to accommodate THEIR schedules.   Low and behold, two days before one of them decided she wasnt going to come because her husband had to go somewhere (she wont leave her husbands side, i swear they havent spent more than an hour apart since the day they started dating) . The other seems to be insecure, she keeps saying "well i dont have a man" I dont know what that has to do with my wedding, but that is her excuse most of the time.  Two days ago, one was out of state for thanksgiving and couldnt make it, that was fine. But the other one called, when i was on my way to pick her up, and said she just didnt feel like going. I dont know what to do, i dont want to become a bitchy bridezilla to these girls but if they are going to be in my wedding, they need to at least come for an hour and get fitted for a dress (which, i selected without them, and at this point, if they dont like it, thats their problem for not showing up to give an opinion or try on for size) I just don't think that is too much to ask. How do i make them realize this is important without them getting mad at me. They are my friends and I do want them in my wedding, and I am afraid if I'm too firm with them they will be upset with me.
Posted by nelsemi[/QUOTE]

If they've always been like this, why are you surprised by their UNcooperative behavior?

PetalPockets2012

Did you ask them their price range before you picked a dress? Could it have anything to do with the price of the dress? Or did you pick a style dress they would be comfortable in?

I guess I don't understand why you have to go together to order the dress. I'm sure they are capable of getting fitted without you there supervising.

Like PP said, give them the information of what dress you guys are having. If they want to be in your wedding, they will order it.

banana468

Is your wedding date really correct?  If you're not getting married until next September, I think a lot of your issues lie in the fact that you're doing things far too early.

You shouldn't really dress shop until after the holidays.  You don't need to worry about selecting one until late Feb/early March at the earliest.

Be patient.  You're jumping the gun a lot and your BMs aren't going to get all crazy about the wedding if it isn't for o ver 9 months.

MyUserName1

It is way too early to worry about looking for dresses.

No wonder they're being "uncooperative"

It is the holiday season and they have other things to do than shop for a dress that they won't need for ten more months.

You're expectations are way too high.

You should get together with them for drinks or coffee or something and catch up without mentioning your wedding a single time.

RaptorSLH

[QUOTE] all we were wanting to do that day was was go looking... I would like them, or as many of them as possible to come along to try different styles/colors.... I dont want them to be in a dress they hate.
[/QUOTE]<div>[QUOTE] i selected without them, and at this point, if they don't like it, thats their problem[/QUOTE]

<div>You don't need to be more clear.  You were quite clear the first time.  Changing your story is not going to help your case.</div><div>
</div><div>
</div></div>

Viczaesar

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_incooperative-bridesmaids?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:9711901a-b260-4068-9a8f-ccdfb4a5cb38Post:64291cc2-6a85-43b8-a5e3-ddffd84de404">Re: incooperative bridesmaids</a>:
[QUOTE]It is way too early to worry about looking for dresses. No wonder they're being "uncooperative" It is the holiday season and they have other things to do than shop for a dress that they won't need for ten more months. You're expectations are way too high. You should get together with them for drinks or coffee or something and catch up without mentioning your wedding a single time.
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]
This.  It is WAY WAY WAY too early to go looking for dresses, let alone get pissy about your friends not looking at dresses with you.  Table the issue and revisit in March or later.

em01092

Just let this go until after the holidays. You have plenty of time to worry with this later, and I'm sure you and your BMs have busy schedules coming up, not to mention gifts to buy or travel expenses to shell out. 

lbarr088

It is early.  I am getting married in September '12 and I had a couple BMs go and pick out what they wanted and let the others know.  I don't expect them to actually order them for awhile.  I would sit back and take a deep breath and relax.  All BMs have to do is get the dress and show up to your wedding, anything else is extra.  As long as they have the dress by your big day you'll be in good shape

Viczaesar

Very mature of you, OP.  *sarcasm font*

nelsemi

OK, just so you all know, I  haven't made them do anything. So don't go ASSuming I had it all figured out last week.  I was just a little on the disgusted side when I posted this, and being that I've never planned a wedding before I didnt know how early is too early, and I guess it is too early. Have I MADE them do anything? No!! Would I have have liked it if they could have come on these apparently too early shopping trips, yeah, thought it might be fun to have them all with. Have I even told them about this dress I like, no. So will I MAKE them order it, no, especially not right now. 

 If and when some of us ever do get to shop and look together, I'd love to see them in this dress that I may or may not have picked out. Its the one I'd like them to have, so I'd like to think it is selected. But am I going to make them order anything, yet, of course not!! If even so much as one of them thinks she looks bad in it, of course I won't make them get it, nver mind my again disgruntled saying that If they don't like it that's their problem, because this will work out eventually and really,  I wouldn't put them in anything that I myself would not be comfortable in (and I am a size 18 in a wedding dress and not ashamed to admit that) but this dress looks like it would be rather flattering on any figure.

So, stop jumping down my throat, saying I am immature and that these girls should back out. All I ever did was invite them to go shopping!! I never told  them they HAD to go, and I  havent spoken angrily at them at all,  I was fuming silently to myself the other day when one of the girls called and backed out 5 minutes before we were to leave on an out of town shopping trip, but she doesnt know that, and doesnt have to know. When they dont get to go shopping, and tell me they can't, no matter how disappointed I might be, to them, I simply say, "OK." Aside from most dress shopping trips they all seem excited and honored to be part of the day.     

Enough said, I won't bring it up again until sometime after the new year when we will try to schedule a day in March or April. Of course I know they may not all make it  and for those who can not, when the time comes to order it shouldn't be too hard to have them get measured someplace else and let the shop we order from know their measurements and/or size. I just dont want them to have it sight unseen, (and on that subject does anyone know anything about getting dresses from the same shop no matter how far away from it some bridesmaids might be? It'd be easy enough for them to find a local shop in their area that carries  the brand of the dress and order on their own close to home, but I have been told that may not  be the best idea in case they aren't from  the same lot of fabric and the color may look different?)

So there, I am over it. It was just a litle venting when I was upset.  Probably not something you all havent done, right??

Stina51286

Maybe you should look on TK for advice on some of this stuff, it does tell you! Its says you've been on here since  2010 but don't have that many posts, or were you on a different name before? I have never planned a wedding before either, but I was smart enough to read some of the threads from other knotties to know what to and what not to post.

But I don't blame these girls for being un"incooperative"

" i dont want to become a bitchy bridezilla to these girls but if they are going to be in my wedding, they need to at least come for an hour and get fitted for a dress (which, i selected without them, and at this point, if they dont like it, thats their problem for not showing up to give an opinion or try on for size) I just don't think that is too much to ask." this is exactly what you were doing, even though you claim  " I was just a little on the disgusted side when I posted this"

think before you post, reread before you post and you wont have ppl calling you immature and jumping down your throat