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jolenedawn82

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melissamc2

I'm trying to understand this, but one thing keeps jumping out at me:

If they are postponing it due to financial reasons - how are they paying to have a fake wedding?  The cost of a wedding certainly isn't less than the cost of daycare!

Your friend sounds like a dink.  I know that's not your fault, and you seem to be as embarrassed by it as I am for you for knowing her, but this is crazy.  I'd be upfront with your husband because your relationship is much more important than Lying McLiarton's fake wedding.

Muffin'sMom

I, personally, would walk.  I'm sorry, but she is asking you to participate in a huge lie.  If she had told you ahead of time, you would have had the opportunity to make the decision to be a part of the deception.  As it is..SHE LIED TO YOU TOO!!  I don't have close friends that would do that to me.  I'm sorry if I sound harsh...but 12 months is not long to wait to do the right thing.

katieanne85

that is messed up, financially it doesnt make sense, morally it doesnt make sense, in what way could that be a good idea? I would drop out also.

jagore08

Wait.  Are you saying that they are still going to hold a ceremony, say their vows, and not file the marriage license due to financial reasons?  How does this make sense?

[Deleted User]

Drop out. That girl doesn't sound like she has her head on straight.

MairePoppy

She's lied to you, her family and she's planning to hide the fact that she is living with someone to collect that welfare check. Why would you want to be involved in all that? You should tell your husband because everyone is eventually going to find out what a low life this friend is. And when they do find out, they are going to think you are just as bad as she is, because you are covering for her. Your friend is using you. Find another friend.

jolenedawn82

Thank you so much for the responses....I know it sounds crazy- an it is! Let's not getmarried right now so we get free daycare for a year...so we can go out all the time and live like teenagers? It really is ridiculous! I asked my mom earlier and she is saying the samething, they are 28 and 30, old enough to know better for sure and why would I want to involve myself in this! I am going to talk with her this weekend.
And to respond, yes they are holding a fake ceremony, the whole nine yards, lying to the officiant, everyone.
She has also said another reason to wait is because they don't want thier finances to be even worse for thier first year of marriage and that's not a good way to start off...but lying to everyone you know is????
I felt like I was maybe making it worse than it seems but after reading everyone'sopinions I am starting to feel better about being really distraught over this whole situation!
thank you!!

trix1223

I'd absolutely be out of this wedding.  Being a part of something that you know is a lie is tacitly giving your approval.

What are you going to say when this comes out?  Because it will.  You will not come out well in this:  you didn't let friends/family know she was lying to them.

As the old saying goes:  "With friends like this....."

I'd tell her your withdrawing from the wedding because you can't, in good conscience support this lie.

Good luck.

andy71781

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fake-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:97751b79-2c28-46cf-8cbe-21b5a0c9586cPost:c1b29494-39ba-4fbf-a9f5-c70bb4649111">Re: Fake Wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you so much for the responses....I know it sounds crazy- an it is! Let's not getmarried right now so we get free daycare for a year...so we can go out all the time and live like teenagers? It really is ridiculous! I asked my mom earlier and she is saying the samething, they are 28 and 30, old enough to know better for sure and why would I want to involve myself in this! I am going to talk with her this weekend. And to respond, yes they are holding a fake ceremony, the whole nine yards, lying to the officiant, everyone. She has also said another reason to wait is because they don't want thier finances to be even worse for thier first year of marriage and that's not a good way to start off...but lying to everyone you know is???? I felt like I was maybe making it worse than it seems but after reading everyone'sopinions I am starting to feel better about being really distraught over this whole situation! thank you!!
Posted by jolenedawn82[/QUOTE]

I smell a rat.  There might be something going on in the background here.  How well do you know this guy?  Could he be secretly not divorced yet or something?  I have to say that somebody in my family pulled this recently and I have not forgiven them for it.  Its such crap.

Whippet8

I wouldn't have anything to do with this wedding. Imagine if everyone found out after the fact, and everyone found out that you knew?

I also don't think I could be friends with someone who would do something like that to all of their family and friends.

katieanne85

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_fake-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:97751b79-2c28-46cf-8cbe-21b5a0c9586cPost:4b4d585c-81f9-4cb1-8113-10d0be119ac7">Re: Fake Wedding!</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't have anything to do with this wedding. Imagine if everyone found out after the fact, and everyone found out that you knew? I also don't think I could be friends with someone who would do something like that to all of their family and friends.
Posted by melko4886[/QUOTE]

I agree, I would be out of there! A bridesmaid and friend is supposed to stand up in support of the marriage, I couldnt be friends with someone who was asking me to be a part of such a selfish lie. I would let them know we have irreconcilable differences and have a nice life.

jolenedawn82

You all are completely right! Thank you for reinforcing how  obnoxious this really is. It's actually quite offensive to me for several reasons but mainly because I myself had to postpone our wedding TWICE! We ended up having a ceremony at city hall with our brothers as witnesses and had a small appetizer reception at our home...we didn't take a honeymoon yet...we are doing just fine!
I think maybe she is getting a way from the real reason they are getting married. I don't understand what the problem is with them postponing it instead of lying to everyone! I've tried to reason with her and I am to the point now where I am seeing how uncaring she is being about the situation. It's really sick!

Kristin789

"Crystal, I can't be in your wedding this summer.  You know Trent and I had to postpone our wedding twice and ended up with a tiny ceremony and reception, and we have taken the opportunity to go away for a short honeymoon - unfortunately, it's the same weekend as your wedding and I have to choose to be honest with my husband instead of being OneBigLyingBM in your total lying cheating deceiving masquerade fake wedding."

Oh, wait.  That end part probably needs to be re-written.

The biggest point seems to be that you remember a friendship with this girl that colors how you feel today.  But this girl, TODAY, isn't being a friend to you.  A friend doesn't ask another friend to embezzle emotions, time, money, and gifts from family and friends.

swim1011

Ditto everyone else.  If people find out that the wedding is fake, then find out you knew before the wedding, it will make you look bad.  Even if the couple looks worse.  Don't involve yourself in this, and if anyone besides the couple asks why you dropped out, simply tell them you no longer supported their marriage. 

I don't think I saw you mention this, but I hope you don't want to be friends with this girl after you leave the WP.  Even if she still wanted to be (which I'm guessing she won't), this tells you the kind of person she really is. 

banana468

Ditto everyone.

Anyone who wants me to lie to others about her deception isn't my friend.  If she stops talking to you, is it really that much of a loss? 

This isn't a "please don't tell people I'm pregnant until I'm ready," request.  She's going to outright lie to friends and family for her own financial gain.

weddnovice

That's just weird to put on a wedding show - why don't they just have a party? 

RiRi157

I'd take a guess and say the friend doesn't want to give up the state aid she gets for her and her child.

By financial she doesn't mean her and boyfriends money but the free state aid she gets.

Another low life living off our tax dollars.

honeybear9311

I work in child care and I know it can cost over 20,000 a year but thats not the point. She shouldnt lie about it she should just have waited until next year to do all this!!!!!!!!!!! Someone is going to find out the Sh*t will hit the fan, at the LEAST tell your man! He deserves to know. And if she is a true friend, she wont write you out of her life..

Simply Fated

I understand why she wants to wait to make it legal, but not why she can't postpone it.
It reminds me of the opposite of what I usually see here... brides who "secretly" get married by a JOP before the BIG ceremony...

amwilli5

I'm still trying to figure out how to get that lie past the officiant?!  At least in each state I've lived in you have to present the marriage license to the officiant before they will marry you.  And I've seen two couples forget the license at home and the officiant refused to do the ceremony as they can get in trouble.  All for freaking free childcare!! Tell her that she's being a selfish, lying, inconsiderate  brat and if she goes ahead and spends all this money for a fake wedding and real  gifts from said wedding  then she's not a friend to you and you're going to inform everyone including the state that she is ripping them off. Why not just save this money and use it for the wedding next year, she'll still get the assistance till then even though it doesn't seem as though she should

wwnbw

i know she is your friedn but she should be reported to the state. she is abusing the system.

PharmacyBride

WOW this is shocking to me!  I can't believe this is the case!

I would tell her she should either actually get married this June or postpone the wedding and talk to her vendors about carrying over her deposits.  She may lose some $- but a lot of places would still want her business regardless and will likely hold over her deposits.

If she already turned down the idea of postponing the wedding- I would be curious to hear what her excuse is.  Whatever it is- I am sure it isn't a good one.

I agree with PP about stepping down.  You don't want people taking their anger out on you if they find out you knew.  Also- she should take your reaction as a preview as to what will happen if the rest of the guests find out!!!!  

vlevitt

i'm with everyone else...this woman sounds like someone who is used to living with high drama, and doesn't see how incredibly wrong and damaging it can be to lie to EVERYONE in  your social circle about something as expensive and important as a wedding. 

if she were someone with a normal (ie. low) tolerance for drama she would have seen the ridiculousness of this and postponed her wedding in a more honest way.  her reason for postponing makes perfect sense, daycare is expensive, BUT the way she is going about it is underhanded.

i agree with the pp's: get out of this wedding, and (IMHO) get this woman out of your life.   if she's willing to do this over something as major as a wedding, i can't imagine the kind of drama she invites into her own and her friends/family's lives on a daily basis. 

v.

Phloatre

You are making the right decision not being involved. I would have a hard time not telling others what's going on! Your so called friend should be ashamed! I chose not to attend a family members pretend wedding recently. The "bride" was upset that her and her groom chose to be married by a judge years ago. So for their anniversary they had a WEDDING. Dress with train, bacherette party, gifts, tuxes, asked everyone for donations to their honeymoon fund. Certain they paid more than I am able to spend on my real wedding. I chose not to attend- as others did the same. I feel that their "vow renewal wedding" was a mockery of a wedding just like your friends.