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Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party

mandi921vhmandi921vh member
First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
in Moms and Maids
This is a hypothetical...

I have my four BMs (including MOH) picked, but will not be asking them until this summer. 3 of them (including MOH) live in the New England area where we all live and the wedding will take place. The other BM lives in CA.

What I am wondering is IF the BMs throw me a Bridal Shower and/or Bachelorette Party my BM in CA will not be able to attend. 

Does the CA BM pay for the events even though she will not be able to attend them (that is IF they occur)?

**I know I am wicked EARLY on this topic but it was something I randomly just thought of.
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Re: Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party

  • kellyb1487kellyb1487
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    That is for your girls to decide and is really up to the girl in CA if she wants to pay. As neither of these 2 events mandatory she may just decline to be involved. Or amybe she can come in a few days before the wedding and they may throw you a b-party close to the wedding.

    But she is unde no obligation to help pay for anything for the shower or B-party
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited December 2011
    Your bm in CA should not be expected to contribute to a party she can't attend. In fact, none of the bms or MOH  are obligated to host or pay for those events. If they choose to give you a party, they should agree on a budget that everyone can afford and all contributors get a say in the planning.
                       
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  • mandi921vhmandi921vh member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yes, I understand that my BMs are under no obligation to throw me these parties, as this was a hypothetical question. 

    I didn't think that it seemed fair that my CA BM pay for parties she was not able to attend.


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  • AutumnFairAutumnFair member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Out of curiosity, why are you asking this? Has your MOH or other BM asked you if CA BM is going to help? If so you need to them that you should not be involve and to discuss all this with CA BM. And to answer the question, CA BM should not have to pay if she can not attend the party, but if she wants to help I'm sure the other BMs would be very thankful for it. 
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  • bablingbrookebablingbrooke member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_bridal-showerbachelorette-party?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:987483b7-e35c-4975-b754-34c991528237Post:f2bbddfd-8d70-435b-872b-b97b3745e439">Re: Bridal Shower/Bachelorette Party</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yes, I understand that my BMs are under no obligation to throw me these parties, as this was a hypothetical question.  I didn't think that it seemed fair that my CA BM pay for parties she was not able to attend.
    Posted by mandi921vh[/QUOTE]
    It would be wrong for the other BMs to ask her to do so.  Is that something that's actually happening?
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  • Beachy730Beachy730 member
    First Anniversary Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Ditto brooke.  I am a BM for my BIL and FSIL's wedding next year in NY, and fully know that I won't be making it to the shower, and have no intentions of sending money for them to use.  I will send her a shower gift, or a gift card, but will not pay for parties I'm not attending.
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  • sister2groomsister2groom
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If I were a BM and couldn't attend a shower or bachelorette I would probably send a shower gift directly to the bride (and MAYBE something really small for the bachelorette to show I wished I could be there), but I would only offer to help host the parties if I had money to burn.
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