Moms and Maids

Angry Sister

So my sister and I got in a fight over some family crap how no one gives her anything cause she deserves it cause shes "had it so hard!" and she called me greedy cause i wont send her money and blah blah blah. Then she said I'm never talking to you again. And I said fine cause she usually gets over it and it wasn't my fault in the first place. Then she said and I quote "I hope your wedding is easy without me too!"
I said my wedding isn't about you. Plus since I'm so greedy it will save me money on flowers and food and all that other crap you know.

It's been over a month or two. She still hasn't talked to me and I need to get the ball rolling on flowers and such.

What should I do?
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Re: Angry Sister

  • Forget about your wedding and work on your relationship with your sister.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • I really want her to be there. But I did nothing wrong. She is basically mad at me for not sending her things when it costs quite a bit just to even send anything let alone the price of what she wants. My fiance and I do live very comfortably but that's because we have worked our asses off for what we have and we don't want to support her when she doesn't help herself.
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  • I'm not going to forget about my wedding. It's been in the making for over a year now, I have a house to sell, a house to buy, we have already paid the venue. It's set and its going to happen with or without her. I would just want her to be there.
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  • If you sister is that important to you, you need to talk to her. Try either on the phone or in person.
  • She lives super far away and I asked my dad if she has calmed down any she lives with him so I don't make the problem any bigger. He said that I shouldn't and that I probably should not count on her for anything because she isn't having it with anyone right now and is bailing on everyone because they won't do anything for her.
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  • Wow, lots of melodrama here. Just pick up the phone and ask her if she's coming. If she still states that she isn't, just say 'Ok, you will be missed' and hang up. Dont argue or play melodrama games with her. Simple, straightforeward, done. Then move on.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • GLB is right in that you should forget about the wedding, in terms of your sister.  She is not saying to stop all plans because your sister is mad.  Try reaching out to your sister: call her or write her a handwritten letter.  Don't make it about the wedding.  If your sister responds positively, then move on from there.

    It seems like there is more to this story than you are telling. 
  • I wouldnt forget your wedding, however maybe you could try sending her an email of a picture of the flowers you like or dresses and say something like, "id like to get your opinion on this or what do you think if I got these for the wedding?" See what she says, then you know you have tried and have tried to involve her. If she doesnt respond, give it awhile and try to call. Just tell her you have a big day coming up and you dont want to fight. Sometimes it takes the bigger person to step forward, it'll only show your sister that you are more the "adult"
  • Nope that's about all of the story. She expects everyone to cater to her, which is why she lives with my dad because he will cater to her. I simply can't and refuse to just let her take my money and never be able to stand on her own. And frankly yes my marriage to the guy I've been with for over 5 years is more important to me than my sister. We have been through more than most people will have to go through in their life's and where my sister has not been there for me, he has and via versa. She uses me and I understand that she will learn eventually she is 20 i am 22 but we have never been that close. But she is still my sister and I would like her to be there. She really is simply not talking to me because, this time, I would not send her am iPhone. Really....
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  • Actually it's because my mom didn't send her an iPhone after she said she would. But things come up, people run out of money and now my mom is an "Indian Giver" and because I in a sense stuck up for my mom not having the funds to do so, I am the one taking all the heat cause my sister is insane. Wish I could just make her see the world doesn't revolve around her. I wasn't making up excuses the only suggestion was to give up my wedding or just call her. Guess there isn't much else other than calling her. Thanks to the girl who took it out of wedding sense, much appreciated. Wierd to see that so many people are willing to put a serious long term relationship on hold for who would rather just stop talking to you.
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  • If you really want her there you need to extend the communication to her.  Talk to her first about your relationship and get that fixed before you just call her to see if she's still in the wedding b/c you have to order her flowers... she is the one who will regret not being there come your wedding day, but right now she is upset and isn't going to think logically.  If 8 months comes and things have mended she can still be a part of the wedding- even if she doesn't have the right dress or flowers.  Of course you can't be put things on hold, but you may just have to be a little flexible for her to come around.  Move on with or without her for now, but don't her out just yet.
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    Anniversary
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_angry-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:b3ba1f21-3e64-45bd-b959-c48a9026e4ccPost:005d6711-64a9-4af2-8631-96774c291433">Re: Angry Sister</a>:
    [QUOTE]GLB is right in that you should forget about the wedding, in terms of your sister.  She is not saying to stop all plans because your sister is mad.  Try reaching out to your sister: call her or write her a handwritten letter.  Don't make it about the wedding.  If your sister responds positively, then move on from there. <strong>It seems like there is more to this story than you are telling. 
    </strong>Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

    Glad I'm not alone in feeling this.  Entitlement issues are one thing.  OP, what you are describing is waaay beyond that.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
  • OP, i have two of those sisters. There was not relationship for me to work on, we just don't get along. I did try to build one though because i knew our situation would affect my mom and my entire family, it didn't work out and she didn't come to my wedding.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_angry-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b3ba1f21-3e64-45bd-b959-c48a9026e4ccPost:ce48e19f-d46c-4ddf-8d71-89b8b397d421">Re:Angry Sister</a>:
    [QUOTE]Actually it's because my mom didn't send her an iPhone after she said she would. But things come up, people run out of money and now my mom is an "Indian Giver" and because I in a sense stuck up for my mom not having the funds to do so, I am the one taking all the heat cause my sister is insane. Wish I could just make her see the world doesn't revolve around her. I wasn't making up excuses the only suggestion was to give up my wedding or just call her. Guess there isn't much else other than calling her. Thanks to the girl who took it out of wedding sense, much appreciated. Wierd to see that so many people are willing to put a serious long term relationship on hold for who would rather just stop talking to you.
    Posted by brittanycurtisjohnson[/QUOTE]
    Reading fail.  No one told you to give up your wedding.  No one told you to put your relationship on hold.



  • Yeah, people meant put your wedding aside IN TERMS OF TALKING TO YOUR SISTER aka plan your wedding, but talk to her without worrying about it to start. They're hardly saying to call off the wedding...
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  • I didn't realize there was a fundamental difference between a 20-year-old and a 22-year old.
  • There is a whooole lot of immature dramaqueening going on here, and I highly suspect it's on both sides. Reading between the lines, I think a lot of nasty and hateful words were exchanged, and THAT is the reason people aren't talking to each other. Not because of a cellphone.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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    Anniversary

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_angry-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b3ba1f21-3e64-45bd-b959-c48a9026e4ccPost:be0a197a-ac65-425b-ba73-6748eb359d8a">Re: Angry Sister</a>:
    [QUOTE]I didn't realize there was a fundamental difference between a 20-year-old and a 22-year old.
    Posted by zitiqueen[/QUOTE]

    <div>The 22-year-old can legally drink.... sorry, that's all I got. So I'm seconding this.</div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_angry-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b3ba1f21-3e64-45bd-b959-c48a9026e4ccPost:abfa961d-4646-4b42-b5db-518cb82485b8">Re: Angry Sister</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, people meant put your wedding aside IN TERMS OF TALKING TO YOUR SISTER aka plan your wedding, but talk to her without worrying about it to start. They're hardly saying to call off the wedding...
    Posted by jessicadall[/QUOTE]

    Exactly. Don't cancel your wedding or put anything on hold. But don't try to calling your sister asking her if she's going to get over her issues because you need to book your florist. If you want to work this out, you need to do it as people, not as "bride" and "person who could affect bride's wedding day."

    Also, agreed with Stage. Right now, I just have a deposit down for my florist to book the date (which is in April). I actually don't have to give her final numbers on anything until like 2 weeks before. So if it's about a bouquet, just put her in there for now and cancel it later if you need. No big deal.
  • If you really want your sister there, call her and avoid wedding talk with her until you guys are on solid ground.
     I understand how hard it is to be the older sister sometimes-- my sister and I are 6 years apart and we couldn't be anymore different. We have honestly never had a relationship and after many years of trying, I just kind of let things be. It's hard, but you can't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. Go on with your planning, vendors understand things come up. Extend the olive branch to your sister and see what happens.
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_angry-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b3ba1f21-3e64-45bd-b959-c48a9026e4ccPost:bb0c61df-44dd-4caf-9053-c1050c585731">Re:Angry Sister</a>:
    [QUOTE]She lives super far away and I asked my dad if she has calmed down any she lives with him so I don't make the problem any bigger. He said that I shouldn't and that I probably should not count on her for anything because she isn't having it with anyone right now and is bailing on everyone because they won't do anything for her.
    Posted by brittanycurtisjohnson[/QUOTE]

    It sounds like she's under some overwhelming stress and is isolating herself. I have done that, it sucks.
    "I wish yo azz all tha dopest up in yo' marriages"
  • I would like to clear a little something up.  Your mother nor your sister are Indian givers.  Unless they are Indians and they are giving gifts.
    The term you so freely added came from the fact that in the American Indian culture when one gave a good to be sold or traded  they got a good in return.
    But when the white people so gladly came to steal their land the American Indian gave them goods and nothing came in return so they took their goods back. 
    The whites denograted the American Indians by saying they took their stuff back they had given them. These were not gifts but trade items such as pelts or food.
    So I would say since your mother did not gift or trade a phone she is not an indian giver. 
    But it does sound like everyone enables your sister. 

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_angry-sister?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b3ba1f21-3e64-45bd-b959-c48a9026e4ccPost:43447ae7-5533-4026-a687-a133e8de8541">Re: Angry Sister</a>:
    [QUOTE]I'm American Indian, and find the post above offensive.
    Posted by RetreadBride[/QUOTE]

    I like Louis CK's bit about this.

    "We don't really know what 'have' means, but sure, enjoy all of nature, just as we do."

    "Ok, also we will kill you for being on what is now our land."

    "Uh, please don't do that."

    "INDIAN GIVERS! WAAAH!"
    "I wish yo azz all tha dopest up in yo' marriages"
  • You should have found the post offensive about her calling her mother an indian giver.  I don't know what you find offensive about the truth.  We the natives traded goods for years in TRADE.  When the white people came to this country we traded they did not give goods in return. We took our items back.  Just like if you give money to walmart and they give you nothing in return you would take your money back.   The white people then said we were indian givers.   They should have said white man were crooks.
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