Moms and Maids

How do I make my wonderful friends who aren't bridesmaids feel special?

If I include all my closest friends who I want to be in the wedding along with my new sisters in law and my niece I would have 10 moh's and bridesmaids and I just CAN'T do that.  Instead, I am having my two best friends be my matron and moh and the 2 sister in laws and niece be my bridesmaids.  I'm having the friend who introduced my fiance and I speak during our ceremony.  I really want to make the one speaking and the 4 other girls feel special but I don't know what to do.  I've been in one of their weddings and I'm in another's a couple of weeks before mine.  I feel bad I can't have them all standing up beside me and I want them to know that I love them and appreciate them so much.  I really want to somehow include them..... Does anyone have any suggestions for something to make up for this?  Thank you!

Re: How do I make my wonderful friends who aren't bridesmaids feel special?

  • I think anything short of having them do a reading (which you've already assigned by having one speak) is going to reek of "consolation prize".

    Don't make them "unofficial" or "honorary" bridesmaids or anything.  Being a guest is an honor in and of itself.  Maybe at showers,pre-wedding, or bachelorette paries you can thank your friends somehow but I wouldn't worry too much about it.

    Standing up in weddings isn't tit for tat, no one is keeping score and while BMs are close to the bride, you don't have to be a BM to be close to the bride.  Your friends know this.
  • To answer the title of your post, be nice to them, host them well and don't make them pay for a cash bar. That's all I got.
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  • Ditto PP.   My good friend didn't ask me to be in her wedding.   I was bummed but I would have been more bummed if she created some consolation prize.   Instead DH and I went, ate the food, drank the booze and partied like crazy!   THAT was how she made me feel special.
  • I ended up only have my MOH stand up with me because my wedding party would have been 5+ and I didn't want that.

    I talked with each of them about my decision and all of them were very understanding and actually appreciated the fact that they wouldn't have to buy a dress and could just enjoy themselves at the wedding.

    If you are close with your friends and you feel that they might "expect" to be asked you could have a similar conversation.  They are still great friends and by inviting them you are telling them that they are important to you.
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  • Thank you for all your replies. I think I will talk to them individually to let them know I am only having family members as bridesmaids because I know some would be hurt. I definitely won't have them be "honorary bridesmaids" or have them doing random tasks. What do you think about just making sure my photographer takes a picture of all of us and I frame them and give them as gifts afterwards as a "thank you for being an important part of my special day"?
  • EK2013EK2013 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    edited August 2012
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_how-do-i-make-my-wonderful-friends-who-arent-bridesmaids-feel-special?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:b95457d1-83a4-406a-9c90-127f993a3f82Post:bd7567a4-2f06-4e42-9422-d42c85f9d7ab">Re:How do I make my wonderful friends who aren't bridesmaids feel special?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Thank you for all your replies. I think I will talk to them individually to let them know I am only having family members as bridesmaids because I know some would be hurt. I definitely won't have them be "honorary bridesmaids" or have them doing random tasks. What do you think about just making sure my photographer takes a picture of all of us and I frame them and give them as gifts afterwards as a "thank you for being an important part of my special day"?
    Posted by jmbdolly[/QUOTE]

    <div>For what it's worth, I would be <em>devastated </em>if a friend of mine indicated to me that she thought of me as a bridesmaid-level friend but ultimately went a different direction with her party selection--even if that direction was family-only. I wouldn't want to know that I <em>almost </em>could have been a bridesmaid; I'd rather just be a guest.</div><div>
    </div><div>I think it's a nice idea to ask your photog to take a picture of you all.</div>
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