MOH needs help!

sarahk526

I'm the maid of honor for my best friend's wedding. However, I'm having a lot of doubts wheter she should have chosen me or one of the other bridesmaids. I'm the only friend not in town, and because I go to school farther away, I am starting to feel jealous about the time the others can put into the wedding. I help whenever I can, but it doesn't seem like enough. 

Also, I'm having trouble planning for the bachelorette party and organizing my friends wedding and my school commitments. Is there any advice for how to stay organized? 

Thanks for your help.

sister2groom

First, this is her wedding, her responsibility to plan it. Your school (which can affect your future) is a lot more important than a party.

Also know that no one owes her a party or planning commitments, you're not a bad friend for not being her unpaid wedding planner (not that wanting to help her is a bad thing either). Just do what you can and don't feel guilty, she knew you had commitments and lived far away when she asked you, she wanted you by her side, THAT's why she asked you.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_moh-needs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:bac2fd7a-a60f-4748-92cb-ebfea45a09d0Post:4e400fe1-db6b-41d3-889f-c2cdcaa7d8c6">MOH needs help!</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm the maid of honor for my best friend's wedding. However, I'm having a lot of doubts wheter she should have chosen me or one of the other bridesmaids. I'm the only friend not in town, and because I go to school farther away, I am starting to feel jealous about the time the others can put into the wedding. I help whenever I can, but it doesn't seem like enough.  Also, I'm having trouble planning for the bachelorette party and organizing my friends wedding and my school commitments. Is there any advice for how to stay organized?  Thanks for your help.
Posted by sarahk526[/QUOTE]

Obviously she chose you for a reason. Like pp said, it is not your job to help her plan her wedding. If you have time and are willing, then fine, but don't feel obligated. You sound like a really good friend.

The bach party doesn't have to be anything fancy. We just went bar hopping for mine.

Will you be in town a few days before the wedding? If so, do it then. Like I said, mine was the Thursday night before our wedding on Saturday.

LoveMuffins

Trust me, even if my MOH was hundreds of miles away and couldn't do anything with me, I'd still want her to be my MOH. it's about how she feels about you, not about how much you can contribute to the wedding. It's awesome that you want to do more, but you shouldn't feel guilty about not being able to contribute more than you can. I do understand being jealous though, it sucks to feel like you're being left out of the fun stuff... the best you can do is remind yourself that you're going to be there for the most important parts, and in the meantime you're doing what you can.

This may sound kind of silly, but when i was a BM in my friend's wedding, we created a facebook group for ourselves to make it easier to keep all of the bridesmaids in touch. that way we could send messages easily, post on the wall questions, co-ordinate schedules... granted, not everyone is on facebook on a daily basis, but as long as you're doing all the planning well lin advance, it helps and gives you easy communication with the other girls, as well as a bit of bonding.

MissTak

Yeah. I think this happens more than most people would think.

If she's picked her other attendents well, then they should handle alot of things you can't. But you can avoid disaster by delagating to the maids specifically. Don't just assume they'll handle things. As long as you're there for the important parts and can do what you can then you're fufilling your duties to the best of your ability. 

Your bride will understand. But the key to happy is planning ahead and ASKING for help when you need it. 

JCM10

Your "job"/"duty" is nothing besides standing up at her wedding and showing up there on time and wearing the right thing. 

I know it sucks to not be there for your friend to support her...but just be gracious that she felt close enough to you for you to be her MOH. It's you for a reason! The bridal party doesn't have to have any role at all in the planning or parties, unless they volunteer for it. Those things aren't required. 

My MOH is in Chicago and I'm in Texas. I'll probably see her for 3 days total before the wedding, and since she's in school I certainly don't expect her to help me with my planning or anything. She won't be able to host any parties, because she can't get away often....but do care? No. She's my MOH because I want her there, not because I expect anything of her.