Mom doesn't care about wedding :(

medina86

I am the MOH for my sister's wedding. Unfortunately, my mom wants nothing to do with the wedding and really isn't there for my sister. It is really hard for my sister, because she really wanted our mom to be involved. All in all, I want to have a bridal shower for her, but I am also a student on a low budget. I just want to let her know that I care and that I am involved even though our mom isn't. 
What can I do to make her pre-wedding activities special? How can I make it special without our mom?

thanks!

lharri12

What is her problem?  Does she not like your sister's fiance?  Is she just not "into" wedding planning?  Maybe you could quietly talk to her and tell her that your sister is very hurt by her lack of interest and wants her to be a part of this.
If your mom refuses to participate for whatever reason, maybe you could throw her a shower and ask for a little help from other bridesmaids, an aunt, or her fiance's mother.  You can also have a shower on a very low budget with just cake and punch and maybe a fruit & veggie tray or something.  It doesn't have to be expensive to be special, it just has to include people she loves, hopefully including her mother.

[Deleted User]

That is hard, I know bc I am going through it myself. My mom (and parents for that matter) are totally uninvolved in our wedding planning. No help doing or coordinating anything and definitely not a penny financially. Encourage your sister to hang in there, you can always pm me bc I can totally relate. I had a hard time at first, too, but am over it for the most part now. She needs to realize that life will go and and she in the end has to be happy. She can't become pre-occupied if others aren't happy for her. She just needs to let her happiness shine and then hopefully your mom will see how happy she truly is. Good luck. Kudos to you for helping her through these tough times!

smore154

Are there any other bridesmaids? I'm sure you will make it special no matter what. Your sister knows the situation. Is there another relative that would be able to help if you need them? I hope it all works out.

kee80

That sounds awful;  she is very lucky to have such a loving sister in lieu of your mom.  Is there a family friend, or maybe one of her friends' moms, who can have a shower at her home?  It doesn't have to be over the top - sandwiches & cake from the grocery store can make a lovely party!  Just make sure your sister feels lots of love

mashley315

I am in the same situation also. My mom doesnt seem to really care about any of it. My sister got married over 3 years ago and was so involved with the wedding, she planned the entire thing. Now its as if she has gotten it out of her system and is not as excited about mine. It does hurt but the only advice I can give you is to do your best to express to your sister that you are there for her no matter what and always be her go to girl ( something your mom should be doing) otherwise Im sure between you and her other BM you can make it very special for her and get her through the crazy process. Just be very supportive and understanding at all times. Good luck, its no fun with a mom like that.

TAGSSKEE1

I am in the same situation, My mother doesnt like my fiance for something he did 8 MONTHS ago! I've forgiven him and moved on but she wont, (it wasnt cheating).  Your sister should remember that it is HER day, I know it's sad to not have your mother involved, but life has to go on, you can have a nice low key bridal shower with the bride to be , yourself, any bridesmaids and friends, maybe have the shower at someones house with little finger foods and games.

brandibooh

I know it can be a disappointment- my mom is interested but not completely immersed in my wedding like I always thought she would be.  It may not mean she doesn't care though. She, or even you, can sit down with your mom and talk to her about it if it's making her upset. I talked to my mom and she became alot more involved since she didn't realize how it looked or how I felt.

Postiga and Mbumbz

hey hang in there my mum was like that three months ago wen i told her i was planning on getting married, we neva spoke for weeks (she is overseas) and now she is everywhere i have to put a leash on her   I pray everything works out, its terrible like that.

at least she has u....

sparklingdiamond

Have you tried asking her about it to see why she doesn't care?  That really sucks :-(

writerunner

I'm in the same predicament.  My mother likes my fiance.  She just likes to be center of attention and unless we're talking about her dress or hair/makeup, she's really not interested.  Oh, who's she going to sit by...should she wear a hat?  Pearls?

Most days I can get over it.  I pretend she is an overbearing child and I try to be patient.  But on other days, I struggle with a little heartache because it would be nice to have a mom come to my dress fitting or to help me with some little opinions...like should I go for a uniform centerpiece look or do the tall/short thing?  What song should I use to cut the cake?  I picked out my dress without my mom ever showing an interest.  She's not offered to help me financially either.  I didn't expect it, but some little gesture would be sweet and sort of "mom-like".

In the end, it's about me and my future husband.  I asked him to elope in lieu of a wedding and he said, "Noooo. Your parents have to be there.  You deserve a beautiful wedding."  And that's what we're having.

Best of luck.

 

Cave2011

I'm amazed to hear so many stories like this! I am also dealing with something similiar. My mom doesn't seem as excited as I thought she would be. I'm still a little hurt by it but I don't know how to say it....maybe I should get my sister to soeak to my mom for me .

Fuzzywolf

I know the feeling and bottom line is your situation knows you care and also knows your financial situation-shes your sister, they know things without you telling them.  I would recommend and Jack and Jill shower-you can make it budget friendly-go to a park, see about reserving a pavilion, some parks you dont even need to reserve it.  Perk to a jack and jill--men LOVE to grill.  Make sure the park has grills, and there you go, hamburgers, hotdogs, all bbq type stuff. Ask the bridesmaids to go to the Christmas tree store or dollar store, you can throw together cute centerpieces, decorations etc. very easily and have it be VERY cost friendly.  Many parks dont allow alcohol but alcohol is also an added expense...people will understand, have other things/activities-football, kickball game, etc. 

vanelli09

So nice to see others in the same situation. I always thought my mom would be SOOO excited about my wedding day! I thought she'd be so overly-involved I'd have to ask her to back off a little, quite the opposite. She is currently on her 3rd marriage and is so focused on her life, that mine doesn't even matter. I don't know if it she just believes I'll end up like her or what...completely frustrating! 

Just continue to be a great sister & she'll really appreciate it! My MOH has helped me get past the road bumps and continues to be a great support system! I don't know what I'd do w/o her!

ShaunajRN

I'm sure your sister will appreciate anything you do (I know i would...). Not sure what your moms problem is, but don't let it stop you from doing something special. There are tons of shower ideas you can come up with on a budget. Make some cheap snacks yourself (cheese & crackers, veggie tray, punch, etc...). Or maybe even ask the other bridesmaids if they would consider contributing any $$. My sisters MOH did her shower and asked us each to chip in cause it was getting kinda pricey- we all did without thinking it was weird or rude.

tommyandy

   What if you called all the ladies involved in the WP & had a movie night for the Bachelorette party?  You could watch 27 Dresses, Made of Honor, Bride of Frankenstein, etc., and have all the ladies bring a bottle of wine or the makings of signature drinks to try.  I would have this party at least 1 month before the wedding if at all possible.  I would also plan for it to be a sleep over.   

   As for the shower, any weekend afternoon at a house big enough for all the ladies will work great.  

It could be a party food themed shower.  Have everybody make a party food item that they are famous for in a fancy dish with the recipe.  Everyone gets to try new party food, the bride-to-be gets the recipes and the dishes the food came in. or the guests can make the food in a disposable dish & give her a registry item.  We did something like this for a housewarming for a friend a few years ago.  

HTH

JenS711

I completely understand your dilemma. My mom honestly could care less about any of it.  She is not giving a dime or helping with anything. I watched two of my friends get married and both of their moms got emotional every step of the way, not my mom. We went dress shopping I tried on the dress and she just sat there arms folded, I tried on three dresses this wasn't an hour long excursion. I've been relying on my MOH and her mother for support. 

Your sister is very lucky to have sister like you.

debdebdol

I too understand.  My mother has never been there for any of the special moments in my life, so I knew that she wouldn't be helping with any wedding planning.  I have tried to include her with some of the planning, but no response from her.  Then when I include someone else and she hears bout it, she gets mad and says that they are not her mother, she is.

She didn't even know the wedding date, when everyone else did.  Luckily I have an aunt who is like a mother to me so she has been helping with what she can.

I just recommend being there for her as much as you can.  I hope that your mom changes and realizes that she must be there for her daughter.  Hopefully it won't be too late.  I hope the same for my mother too.

weddnovice

You can have some girls over the house, order a six foot sub sandwhich, salads, sodas, have some games planned and call it a day.  You don't have to go crazy spending money.  Also, you can ask some of the bridesmaids to pitch in too. 

Jeni35

I am sorry to hear about your mom's behavior. You sound like a great sister and you can have a little get together that is pot luck (where everyone brings a dish) or just pizza and soda and hang some balloons and have fun! My mom is on the other coast and we talk everyday about the wedding (I am sure i drive her nuts). My fiance's mother and sister seem not to care too much, which does hurt because they are here. They did not throw us a bridal party or anything. I have to swallow that and let it go. My sister, who is also across country did arrange for an engagement tea with my family and fiance. It was lovely! Here's how I cope. I know that our day will be special to both of us and since I do not wish to hear catty criticism over our choices-  we are doing this together. I've done all the research and contact (we're having a small wedding). FI's sister is a bridesmaid; but all she has asked is what dress she can wear. She doesn't want to be a long dress; but our wedding is formal and in a temple, where a conservative dress code is required. Then I get the eye roll! I've dreamed of having a formal event since I was little; so be your sister's best friend and help her have the best day of her life!

lele7575

i dont feel too bad now (it's not like i really did anyway) but i'm going thru the same thing with my mom.  she even had the nerve to ask me if she was invited!!  but it's all good anyway b/c i have a group of women that are more than excited.

just do whatever you can to make sure your sister has the best day and time of her life. 

best wishes...

Suzielu1

i am surprised to see so many brides in this situation, thats realy sad, my parents are involved wel specialy my mom and sometimes i wish she wouldnt be so much lol but i rather have her be a momzilla  that not be invloved at all, my fiances family is not involved at all and it very very hard, were hoping by the time we get married wed made some progress but its hard planing when we only have a n estimate of his invitiees,