Needing advice

BraidedWonder

I hope this is the right place to post this...

How do I tell a dear friend that I've chosen other friends as bridesmaids? This dear friend has been my friend since high school, and in high school (like 13 or 14 years ago) I told her that she could be my bridesmaid if I ever got married. I love this girl, but she is...special...(for lack of any other nice way to put mentally challenged). I know that she won't be able to handle the stress of being a bridesmaid, but I still want to find some way to include her in my wedding. 

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! 

Peledreamsofrain

Standing next to you on your wedding day and smiling for pictures isn't terribly stressful.  I see no reason for her to be excluded from the bridal party.

Maggie0829

First, promises you made in high school aren't worth squat when you are an actual adult. 

Second, what kind of stresses do you think she will have being a BM?  Liek Pele said, putting on a dress, standing next to you on your wedding day and smiling for pictures is all she has to do.

missfrodo

If she gets overwhelmed in front of crowds, just invite her as a guest.  If she doesn't mind the spotlight but you really don't want her as a BM for whatever reason, you could ask her to do a reading.  Guest, BM, and reader are all honors.  But I agree, unless she has serious anxiety in public, there really shouldn't be anything stressful about being a BM.

MairePoppy

There is no stress associated with being a bridesmaid. The only things they have to do is get the dress and show up on time for the wedding. My older son is 'mentally challenged' and was very proud to be a groomsman for his new BIL.

Next excuse?

JoanE2012

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_needing-advice?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:cb05e066-7f9d-4200-8888-3453cd94f410Post:de0e6c52-a5b2-46d8-bdaf-0f0dcb800fe9">Needing advice</a>:
[QUOTE]I hope this is the right place to post this... How do I tell a dear friend that I've chosen other friends as bridesmaids? This dear friend has been my friend since high school, and in high school (like 13 or 14 years ago) I told her that she could be my bridesmaid if I ever got married. I love this girl, but she is...special...(for lack of any other nice way to put mentally challenged).<strong> I know that she won't be able to handle the stress of being a bridesmaid,</strong> but I still want to find some way to include her in my wedding.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated!! 
Posted by BraidedWonder[/QUOTE]

What stress is there in being a bridesmaid?  If she's such a dear friend, as you state she is, then make her a bridesmaid! 

OliveOilsMom

You love this girl.  You said it right in your post.  Those are the people you want standing up for you.  As long as she has no extreme phobia of standing in front of other people, ask her to be a BM.  There are no stresses of being a BM unless the bride is a complete crazy!

Kate61487

Ditto PPs.  And while I 100% agree with Maggie that promises made in HS don't mean anything; at the same time depending on what her.. (what's the politically correct therm these days?  handicap is out I think; disability?)  is she may very much consider that promise still intact and be VERY hurt by not being in the BP.  If you're as close to this girl as you say you are and she doesn't have extreme anxiety in crowds I think you should absolutely ask her to stand up.

If you decide against our advice to leave her out then you don't sit her down and tell her.  You don't mention it.  If she brings it up and asks you about BM dresses or other BP things you can tell her "Jill, Suzy, and Jennifer are my BMs"  if she presses you on why she's not one when you promised she would be... well... that's why we all recommend you do include her.  (Though I suppose "I'm sorry, Sarah, that was a long time ago.  I hope you'll still come as a guest and share the day with me" would suffice)

elbow23

Why not just ask your friend what she would like to do?  If she says she can handle standing in front of a crowd, then by all means, have her as a bridesmaid.  If she would prefer not to do that, ask her in what other way she might like to be involved.