Moms and Maids

Matron of Honor issues

So my sister is my matron of honor, her and i have always been very close. We went to look at dresses this weekend and i have her these options... she either gets the dress we both agreed upon from the beginning in the two tone ivory and navy, or she can choose any of the bridesmaid dress gowns and wear it in grey instead o the navy because all the bridesmaids are wearing navy...

she is being completely unreasonable and all she is doing is complaining about how much she hates my choices. She is a very very difficult person to begin with and i keep reminding her that i got no choice on dress or color for her wedding and she should be thankful i am giving her atleast options. To make matters worse she is trying to get pregnant again and its all she talks about... she isnt pregnant and they have been having issues conceiving this time around and she keeps callin any dress i pick "not bump friendly" I am so irritated by this because she is not freaking pregnant why the hell am i working around an imaginary baby. As it is she is not buying the gown til feb since she wants to see if she is pregnany by then...

How do i handle this... i am trying everything i can to be nice about this whole situation, i gave everyone choices and she is being so ungrateful and quite honestly making me feel like crap about what i want... its not fair. 
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Re: Matron of Honor issues

  • might i also add that she was very rude to me at the bridal salon and used terms like "disgusting and awful"


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  • Did you give her the option to pick a dress in the color/fabric that you chose for the other girls? Something that might be comfortable to her if in fact she does get pregnant? You know she could be pregnant now and just not telling you since you said they were having issues.

    Other than that, if she doesn't order the dress in time she removed her self from the wedding I guess.

    I honestly wouldn't push her about it.

     

  • It's early to pick out bm dresses for a June wedding. Why not wait until Feb or March to pick out a dress for your sister? If she does get pregnant, you'll be glad you waited.
                       
  • I'm a little confused by your OP - are you giving her the choice of any BM dress in the store in grey?  or just any of the dresses your BMs have already chosen (assuming you're doing some sort of mix and match?)  If it's the former I think you're being about as accomodating as possible.  If it's the latter that's harder to say, b/c I don't know if that's 2 choices or 7.  I would let up on it a little bit and wait until closer to the wedding to revisit.  and when you do revisit consider opening up the options to any dress in the right length and material if you haven't already. 

    You're right that it's "not fair"; but life isn't fair.  People don't always treat you the way you'd like.  and honestly I feel like the expectation for wedding parties has changed quite a bit in the last 10 years from very matchy-matchy to more relaxed; I don't know when she got married but just saying...  Just keep smiling and remember that she's your sister and you love her and there was a reason you asked her to be your MOH.
  • actually in new york you have to order dresses very far in advance... the salon is asking all the dresses be ordered by dec 15th. I am not asking them to pay for them now... just get an idea of which ones they will choose... and she has the option of 4 dresses all of which she tried on ad loves... she is complaining only about the color on those... and the other dress the one we originally picked she loves but claims she doesnt trust the people to make alterations if she is preg... which is bs... they are in business a zillion years.. she isnt the 1st person to be pregnant and in a bridal party. i dunno i am just angry with the way she is treating me over this. 

    When it was her wedding i didnt say one adverse peep about anything she chose... and everything i pick she has a problem with. i have good taste and every other girl loves all of the stuff i have presented... (my girls are new yorkers with sass... i begged them to tell me if they hated the dresses and they swore to me they love them, they know they would not be able to hurt my feelings if they didnt like them... however this is why i gave them 4 to choose from!)
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_matron-of-honor-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d1566ebd-5e11-4715-b83e-92fb868527fePost:0473716c-5e20-413d-b921-c1aa31a542ae">Re: Matron of Honor issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]actually in new york you have to order dresses very far in advance... the salon is asking all the dresses be ordered by dec 15th. I am not asking them to pay for them now... just get an idea of which ones they will choose... and she has the option of 4 dresses all of which she tried on ad loves... <strong>she is complaining only about the color on those</strong>... and the <strong>other dress the one we originally picked she loves but claims she doesnt trust the people to make alterations if she is preg</strong>... which is bs... they are in business a zillion years.. she isnt the 1st person to be pregnant and in a bridal party. i dunno i am just angry with the way she is treating me over this.  When it was her wedding i didnt say one adverse peep about anything she chose... and everything i pick she has a problem with. i have good taste and every other girl loves all of the stuff i have presented... (my girls are new yorkers with sass... i begged them to tell me if they hated the dresses and they swore to me they love them, they know they would not be able to hurt my feelings if they didnt like them... however this is why i gave them 4 to choose from!)
    Posted by haileyschwebbs[/QUOTE]

    The first bolded, if she is going to be in the wedding, she has no choice about the color. So if she doesn't like it and doesn't order a dress based on the color, she removed herself from the wedding.

    The second bolded, she can take the dress to any seamstress and have it altered. She doesn't have to have it done at the store they were purchased at.

    With regards to your statement about having to have it ordered by Dec 15 because you are n New York, I don't buy that. Who is the designer? If the designer is saying it'd have to be ordered by then, that is different. She could also pay to have it rush delivered if she changes her mind.

     

  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_matron-of-honor-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d1566ebd-5e11-4715-b83e-92fb868527fePost:f41eab6e-040b-4cd8-82ba-91245191adfc">Re: Matron of Honor issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Matron of Honor issues : The first bolded, if she is going to be in the wedding, she has no choice about the color. So if she doesn't like it and doesn't order a dress based on the color, she removed herself from the wedding. The second bolded, she can take the dress to any seamstress and have it altered. She doesn't have to have it done at the store they were purchased at. With regards to your statement about having to have it ordered by Dec 15 because you are n New York, I don't buy that. Who is the designer? If the designer is saying it'd have to be ordered by then, that is different. She could also pay to have it rush delivered if she changes her mind.
    Posted by Stina51286[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>
    </div><div>yes its because of the designer.. they are bill levkoff and its also because the salon is quite busy its on long island... whcih is like the mecca of weddings haha... the salon told me and had me sign a contract they would be ordered by dec 15th. 

    </div>
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  • It does sound like your sister is being nasty, but she's most likely focusing her pain and anxiety about conceiving at the dress because it's a safe target. Conception difficulties are harrowing to go through, and a lot of women feel less 'womanly' because of it. Clothes are an easy sidestep to blame for feeling unwomanly. And in all honesty, those dresses really aren't bump fiendly.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_matron-of-honor-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d1566ebd-5e11-4715-b83e-92fb868527fePost:fdaeafe8-4b33-4ad3-b25f-a8c9bcc53818">Re: Matron of Honor issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re: Matron of Honor issues : yes its because of the designer.. they are bill levkoff and its also because the salon is quite busy its on long island... whcih is like the mecca of weddings haha..<strong>. the salon told me and had me sign a contract they would be ordered by dec 15th. </strong>
    Posted by haileyschwebbs[/QUOTE]

    If a salon made me do that, I would go somewhere else.

     

  • edited October 2012
    The store might be concerned about getting alterations done during the busy pre-wedding season, rather than the dresses coming in on time from the manufacturer. If your sister doesn't trust the alterations department at the bridal shop, she could find another seamstress.

    If your other bridesmaids are ok with ordering the dress now (hope nobody else gets pregnant, gains or looses weight), then tell them to order. Let your sister know that the salon's drop dead date is December 15th, as per contract. Let her handle it from there. Since your sister is wearing a different color than the other bms, you don't have to worry about dye lots, so don't let the store sell you that line of bull. When your sister is ready to order, I'll bet the store will find a dress for her. If they don't, they are not the only store on LI, right? Or CT?

    Give your sister the info and stop arguing with her. She is just going to dig her heels in deeper and you are just going to get frustrated over a dress.

    My daughter's bms ordered their dresses from this shop: http://modernbridalshop.stores.yahoo.net/billlevkoff.html
    Each bm phoned in her measurements and recieved the proper size within 2 months. The dresses are beautiful. So there's another option for you.
                       
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_matron-of-honor-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d1566ebd-5e11-4715-b83e-92fb868527fePost:5b721237-1560-433a-a17b-a830a35a073e">Re:Matron of Honor issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]It does sound like your sister is being nasty, but she's most likely focusing her pain and anxiety about conceiving at the dress because it's a safe target. Conception difficulties are harrowing to go through, and a lot of women feel less 'womanly' because of it. Clothes are an easy sidestep to blame for feeling unwomanly.<strong> And in all honesty, those dresses really aren't bump fiendly.
    </strong>Posted by Peledreamsofrain[/QUOTE]

    They don't have to be bump friendly...no one is pregnant.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_matron-of-honor-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d1566ebd-5e11-4715-b83e-92fb868527fePost:7d2522c3-7417-4b10-bb72-c24beeb8a0c0">Re:Matron of Honor issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]In Response to Re:Matron of Honor issues : They don't have to be bump friendly...no one is pregnant.
    Posted by gurrlballa10[/QUOTE]

    <div>THANK YOU! lol my sentiments exactly</div><div>
    </div><div>im sorta a- lets cross this bridge when it comes kind of girl... further more, the sales woman assured us she could make any of them bump friendly with alteration... </div>
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_matron-of-honor-issues-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special Topic Wedding BoardsForum:357Discussion:d1566ebd-5e11-4715-b83e-92fb868527fePost:0473716c-5e20-413d-b921-c1aa31a542ae">Re: Matron of Honor issues</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>actually in new york you have to order dresses very far in advance... the salon is asking all the dresses be ordered by dec 15th</strong>. I am not asking them to pay for them now... just get an idea of which ones they will choose... and she has the option of 4 dresses all of which she tried on ad loves... she is complaining only about the color on those... and the other dress the one we originally picked she loves but claims she doesnt trust the people to make alterations if she is preg... which is bs... they are in business a zillion years.. she isnt the 1st person to be pregnant and in a bridal party. i dunno i am just angry with the way she is treating me over this.  When it was her wedding i didnt say one adverse peep about anything she chose... and everything i pick she has a problem with. i have good taste and every other girl loves all of the stuff i have presented... (my girls are new yorkers with sass... i begged them to tell me if they hated the dresses and they swore to me they love them, they know they would not be able to hurt my feelings if they didnt like them... however this is why i gave them 4 to choose from!)
    Posted by haileyschwebbs[/QUOTE]


    They do this everywhere.  They want the commissions, especially at the end of the year.  Don't believe them.
    Proud to be an old married hag!! image
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