Moms and Maids

Mom too stubborn

I guess my parents have envisioned me getting ready and walking down the steps in the house that I grew up in the day of my wedding. However, both of my parents smoke. In the house. And I'm allergic. The last thing I want is to smell like smoke on my wedding day. It lingers in my hair - and dress. Every time I visit I need to wash my clothes when I get back to my apartment.

I'd love to get a big hotel suite and we could all get ready together and that way I won't smell like smoke. She said I hurt her feelings and won't budge. She's been making me feel guilty for the past 2 weeks (won't call or email me until I give in.)

I am allergic, the smoke makes my eyes red and itchy and it just smells gross. Am I being crazy?

Re: Mom too stubborn

  • edited December 2011
    No, I don't think you are being crazy or unreasonable. I can relate to that. I love FMIL, but she smokes, so whenever I would be over there, I felt like I had to take a shower when I got home and throw all of my clothes in the wash. I hate cigarette smoke, too.

    I would try to explain to your parents how it is bad for your dress to be exposed to the smoke (esp if you are keeping it after the wedding). You will probably be smelly and sweaty by the end of the night anyway, but I can definitely feel for you. You may have to end up compromising though, and get ready, minus the dress, at your parents house and then maybe you can put the dress on in the church/venue's dressing room. I would definitely not store it at their house either. You may have to arrange for someone to bring it to you or get it there ahead of time. HTH. Good luck.
  • edited December 2011
    Ugh, smoke smell. I feel for you, and say stand your ground for sure. I have bad asthma and when people smoke in the house, or even close to me, it sets me off like crazy. Plus it gets stuck in your hair and clothes and refuses to go away. No one wants to smell like that on their wedding day!

    Maybe you could say your FI has bad allergies and the smoke smell, even if it's faint, bothers him. Unless he smokes, in which case that wouldn't work. Either way, don't give in to a smoke-filled house just because your mom is guilt-tripping you.
  • edited December 2011
    I'm surprised your parents are being so difficult!  For one, nobody likes the smell of smoke (ewww).  Remind your mom that your makeup will be ruined, as your watery eyes will make it run. 

    But honestly - just go book a suite (pay for it yourself in a non smoking room) and invite your mom to come there to get ready with you.  If she declines, she declines - but at least you made a strong effort to still get ready with her.
  • edited December 2011
    That's a tough one, because there really isn't a nice way to say 'your house stinks.'
    You should just book the suite and present the idea as a special treat for everyone. Ask her to help you plan some light refreshments to enjoy while everyone is getting ready. Your wedding is more than a year away, so that gives her plenty of time to get used to the idea.


                       
  • tommyandytommyandy member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    With a suite, everybody can be in the same room at the same time & the photographer will have plenty of room to take the getting ready pictures.  Book the suite & ask for a lot of natural light for the time of day you're getting ready.  Your make-up will look better for the pictures.  If you book it right, it can be the honeymoon suite too.  GL

    Edit:  What if you took pix on the steps?  Kinda like prom?
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