Big giant hat

mejane123

I know the norm is that you let the moms wear what they want because they're capable of dressing themselves.  However, my mom wants to wear a big giant hat (I don't know why) that she plans on wearing through the ceremony.  It basically has a huge brim that goes all the way around.  I kind of think this is rude to the guests behind her who won't be able to see around her.  Am I crazy for thinking this?  I haven't said anything to her, but I'm curious if this is an exception to the "let them dress themselves" rule.  As a guest, how would you feel, considering the mom would be sitting in the front row?  Not that big a deal, or should I try and talk to her (gently) about it? 

McKenna2012

Hmmm...I just posted in another thread about my mom being deceased and that I'd prefer her there in anything as opposed to not, but the big giant hat may be the exception!  Does she realize the hat may block the view of the people behind her?  I would mention it.

mejane123

I kind of said something to her when she was trying hats on in a store and she seemed to have this "I'm the MOB, I can do what I want" attitude, so I dropped it to avoid a fight.  And the thing is, she's been super concerned about appearances in terms of food, favors, flowers, proximity of accomodations, etc, so I think it's odd she's not worried about annoying the guests at the ceremony.  

MairePoppy

Sorry, no exception. Hats are nms,either, but to each her own.

I grew up in the Catholic church and remember when women were required to wear hats to church. To my knowledge, this did not create viewing problems. The guest immediately behind her can simply shift over one seat, it the hat is blocking their view.

mejane123

Thanks.  Aside from the first time she mentioned it, I've been taking a hands off approach to this because it isn't worth arguing with her over.  My reaction that day was pretty knee-jerk because it would bother me, but I'm not going to make a stink about it.  Plus, I have a feeling my stepdad is going to say something to her about it because that's how he is, so I don't really see a need to have her feel ganged up on.

hoffse

As long as it's not one of those huge (and awesome) things that you see at the Kentucky Derby or Steeplechase, I think it's fine.  I might only object to a monstrous hat because they can overwhelm an indoor space.  However, if you are getting married in a large church or outdoors, I think it would be sort of great myself.  I'm also Catholic, and lots of women in my area still wear their hats to Easter mass.  Until relatively recently (last 50-60 years?) Catholic women were supposed to cover their heads inside of a church (that may still be the "official" rule, I have no idea), and so you still see hats on the most important days.  It's something you see for more formal occassions in the spring and summer around here, and it's considered very appropriate and actually a sign of respect.  Whenever I read questions about MOB dress, I just think back to the most recent wedding I attended... where the MOB came down the aisle with her slip hanging out of the bottom and her bra hanging out of the top.  That set the new baseline for me, so not much else bothers me.  I think hats are great, and my mom and grandmother will probably also want to wear a smallish-medium one to my wedding due to formality/respect.  Guests can scoot over or you can just tell any ushers to seat them a couple rows back.

hoffse

Forgot to mention: down south you will see big brimmed hats at SEC football games and such (with sundresses, pearls, and heels... yes, we're crazy but it's so much fun).  It's probably a regional thing and I see you're from South Jersey.  That's why I decided to add some more info.  In my circle, hats are something that indicates a level of wealth since it's completely unnecessary and nice quality hats are surprisingly expensive.  Ones that are colored or memorable boost the image because most women won't wear them more than a few times.  Also, since they're so closely associated to horse racing, that enhances the image.  I will never forget watching Queen Elizabeth II come to the Derby a couple years ago, and the news broadcaster caught her footmen who carried 30 hat boxes off the plane.  She ended up wearing a mint green suit, and her hat had a perfectly matched mint green brim with a hot pink top.  She looked like a petit four, and it was awesome.  All of the news anchors agreed that she had the best one in the crowd that they could see.  I digress... but yeah.  It might not be your style, but anybody who knows anything about them will probably silently commend her for her taste and message she is conveying.  I know I would, and so would those in my circle.

mejane123

Hoffse, it actually is kind of Kentucky Derby-esque.  This one (<---clicky) is similar to what she wants, only without the flower. I actually like hats a lot, too, especially out in the bright sun.  I think they look classy and agree with everything you had to say, I guess I was just used to the hats I've seen that have relatively small brims.  Our ceremony is outdoors in the shade and in the evening (6 o'clock), so I didn't really think any sun-shield would be necessary.  I don't know, like I said, I'll probably just leave it alone because I really don't want to argue with her about something so silly.  I guess I thought it was odd that she was so concerned about what people are going to think of the wedding she's putting on but she's not concerned about being the big hat lady blocking everyone's view.  I was just curious if I was justified in being annoyed or if it was something that wouldn't bother most, and after reading these responses I see that's I shouldn't stress over it too much.  Thanks!

nannewmur

Being a Kentucky girl and one who has been to many a Derby and Oakes, I want to mention something about hats.  Since you mentioned it is somewhat large, you might suggest to her to think about how it will look in pictures.  Depending on the size, sometimes it is hard to stand close together with a large hat (and the hats have been huge the past couple of years and appear to be for this year, also!) and sometimes the hats can cast a shadow so it is harder to see one's face.  I would also talk to the photographer.  I think it is one of those things that she may like now but in a few years will dislike how it looks in pictures!!

Also, if it is the least bit windy, sometimes hats are hard to keep on.  And if it hot, you feel like you are going to sweat to death.  And once a hat is on, very few women can take them off and have good looking hair!

Good luck!  Oh, and for what it is worth, I wore a Derby type bridal hat to my wedding.  My daughter asked me recently why I did that and I explained this was my way of having something Kentucky in my wedding!!

mejane123

Yeah, she doesn't really have the type of hair that stands up to sweat very well (we both have very defiant hair, to put it mildly), so taking it off after the ceremony might be a problem, and I can't really see her wearing it for the entire night.  Like I said, I like the way hats look, but I know how annoyed I would be if someone sat in front of me with a giant hat, and if seating is limited, switching seats may not be an option.  If she brings it up to me, I'll maybe mention the points you brought up and just leave it at that, but I'm not going to bring it up to her.  Thanks for the insight!

Muffin'sMom

Maybe she is channeling the English.  They use weddings as an excuse to wear THE most awesome hats!

nannewmur

Excellent point, Muffin's Mom!  The Royal wedding will definitely have some interesting hats!!