Moms and Maids

Help! Bridesmaid Drama!

I am a bridesmaid in my best friends wedding, we have known each other for 3 years and get along fabulously. The 4 other bridesmaids have known her much longer and know each other well. The other women are in agreement of the role and jobs that come with being a bridesmaid, while i have some concerns. These roles to them include: throwing and planning a bridal shower, throwing and planning a bachelorette party, contributing equally financially. (My husband is the best man so everything we contribute is doubled.) I have explained my financial situation multiple times to the MOH and she constantly ignores me. Its not that i dont want to contribute equally, i just cant at this point in my life. If they had normal goals for these events i wouldn't complain but they constantly brag about not being able to stick within their budgets, like the amount of money they spend determines their devotion to the bride. 

I am being harassed, yelled at, name-called and treated with passive aggressive behavior at every turn. I know what your thinking, there has to be more to this story, i honestly wish there was! I wish i knew what i had done, i spend hours crying because all my good hearted efforts are met with resentment. Meanwhile the wedding is 2 weeks away i just don't know how much more of the abuse i can take. I havent approached the bride, she already has enough to worry about. How should i deal with these unreasonable women?

Re: Help! Bridesmaid Drama!

  • I really think all you can do is continue the refrain of "No, I can't afford that; I will only be contributing [what you can afford]."  The problem with unreasonable people is, of course, that you can't reason with them, so your choices are really only to stand your ground or to remove yourself from the situation.  And I assume if dropping out were an option, you would have done it already.  But at the end of the day, they can't MAKE you give them any money, and their mean girls schtick reflects poorly on them, not you.  I'm sorry these women are mistreating you; it always makes me sad when people get so caught up in the conspicuous consumption side of weddings that they forget to act like decent human beings.
  • Thank you so much for the encouragement, i have decided to suck it up and go through with it since we are so close to the wedding and i love my friend so dearly. I have just been treated like a problem for months now and needed to hear from someone else that i am not being ridiculous. I have spent countless hours doing invitations, helping with decorations for the wedding, baking and anything else they ask and its never enough. 

    Today is the bachelorette party, i thought it would be nice to go and pick up the bride so she didnt have to drive herself, which she happily thanked me for offering and accepted. When i told the bridesmaids they flipped and told me i wasnt doing enough "grunt work" and that needed to be there early to help decorate her hotel room. I offered to go after work for an hour to set up and then go to pick up the bride, i have really tried to be open and helpful. Now they are furious with me and think i am just trying to have private time with the bride. I told them i didn't care who picked her up, it could be any of them, i just didn't want her to be alone. But it seems no matter what i do, its wrong.

    Thank you so much for the kind words, you have given me strength to get through today and the upcoming weeks. Wish me luck :/
  • No you are not in the wrong. Also, you are a far far far nicer person than I am. Those girls would have had more than an earful from me. , and I would have invented new names to describe them. The bride is a lucky girl to have you as a friend.
    Don't make me mobilize OffensiveKitten

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  • Hang in there!  I'm sure the bride appreciates all you have done.  Friends aren't appreicated for the amount of money they spend, they are appreciated for just being a good friend, and you seem like you have been, so I'm sure thats all the bride sees/cares about.  Those are mean girls who you don't have to be friends with.  I'd just try to ignore them as much as possible and dedicate your time to the bride.  Do they treat you that way in front of the bride?  I would avoid telling the bride this late in the game, but if she see's their true colors I hope she stands up for you.    
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  • I had a similar problem as a BM previously.  I was newly living on my own and basically living paycheck to paycheck.  I had minimal savings.  I was able to save for my portion of the shower.  Then came time for the group gift.  I was told that it would be $100 per person.  I politely declined with the MOH privately that I couldn't afford it and I will be doing my own gift for the bride.  I was emailed back, with a cc to the MOB!  I couldn't believe it!  So I responded to all and flat out laid it out that I am basically living paycheck to paycheck and I cannot afford to give that much of a gift to the bride above the cost of the shower.  And that they can't take money from me I didn't have and I knew the bride wouldn't want me to go into debt for her wedding.  The MOB responded back that we should just give what we could.  I felt slightly vindicated, but still couldn't believe what the MOH did. 

    I know where you are coming from and I feel your pain and anxiety about having to be around the rest of the BP.  And I only got that from the MOH, not all of the girls!

    Stay strong, it's only 2 more weeks.  Know that the bride will appreciate your presence and that you are standing up for her.
  • Wow so sorry that you're having to deal with women like this.  It's hard to imagine other bridesmaids acting like this--if you're close enough to the bride to be in the wedding, you'd think that her friends would be people you'd want to be friends with too, but it sounds like they're horrible.  Stick to your guns and only spend what you can afford, and continue being the bigger person.
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