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Mom has NO idea how much a wedding costs. Help!

lexmarie10lexmarie10 member
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in Moms and Maids
My parents are paying for my wedding (which I'm incredibly grateful for) so my mom is (rightfully) very involved in the planning process. The problem is she has no idea how much a wedding costs. She's honestly a little cheap, so I'm doing a ton of DIY stuff to keep costs down and to add some fun projects we can do together.

However, one thing that I don't want to do myself is the reception music. I've decided to hire a DJ, but my mom thinks a DJ should cost $100 for the whole reception! I haven't even bothered to tell her that the experienced DJs I've looked at cost closer to $1000-$2000. As soon as I tell her, she won't want to hear it and will just want to find someone cheaper, but I'm afraid I'll end up with a terrible DJ yelling at everyone to do the Hokey Pokey. Am I crazy for wanting to spend more money on someone who I know will do what I want and not be cheesy? It's not that we can't afford it; my mom just won't want to pay. How can I tell her that her pricing ideas are unrealistic without making her mad? HELP!!!
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Re: Mom has NO idea how much a wedding costs. Help!

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    aerinpegadrakaerinpegadrak member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    If what she's contributing isn't enough for what you want, pay the balance yourself.  It's probably better to work out a specific dollar amount that they're contributing, rather than leaving it open-ended.
    This is a neglected planning bio.
    This is a belated married bio, with no reviews yet because I'm lazy.

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    Sometimes I feel like people think that brides are delicate little flower princesses who get all dressed up and pretty for one special moment of their dreams, when really they're just normal people who just happen to be getting married. Things shouldn't have to be sugar-coated for grown-ass women. -mstar284
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    lharri12lharri12 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    then pay for the DJ yourself
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    Lisa8888Lisa8888
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    She does sound out of touch with how much things cost. You can simply explain to her that her cost estimates are not reasonable and if she doesn't want to increase these amounts, pay for it yourself.
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    redheadfsuredheadfsu member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011

    I would ditto the advice to get the (total wedding) check from her. (Whatever she is comfortable giving). She might be fighting you on the price of each thing, because when she offered to pay she didn't realize how much it costs. So, get how much she is willing to pay upfront & you fill in the difference. That way you aren't fighting over the price of each thing. She should still have some say, but then when it is only about the money you can say, "it is within our budget."

    Planning Bio
    Married 9/15/11

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    *This is Not Legal Advice*
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    jagore08jagore08 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Anniversary First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-idea-much-wedding-costs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d98a351d-c533-4fde-910d-891d1352233ePost:bd224920-a3d1-4f32-98ff-737d16e79b12">Mom has NO idea how much a wedding costs. Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]My parents are paying for my wedding (which I'm incredibly grateful for) so my mom is (rightfully) very involved in the planning process. The problem is she has no idea how much a wedding costs. She's honestly a little cheap, so I'm doing a ton of DIY stuff to keep costs down and to add some fun projects we can do together. However, one thing that I don't want to do myself is the reception music. I've decided to hire a DJ, but my mom thinks a DJ should cost $100 for the whole reception! I haven't even bothered to tell her that the experienced DJs I've looked at cost closer to $1000-$2000. As soon as I tell her, she won't want to hear it and will just want to find someone cheaper, but I'm afraid I'll end up with a terrible DJ yelling at everyone to do the Hokey Pokey. Am I crazy for wanting to spend more money on someone who I know will do what I want and not be cheesy? It's not that we can't afford it; my mom just won't want to pay. How can I tell her that her pricing ideas are unrealistic without making her mad? HELP!!!
    Posted by lexmarie10[/QUOTE]<div>
    </div><div>How about saying this, "Mom, I appreciate you paying for the wedding but we have different ideas on what vendors cost.  You want to pay $100 for the DJ and the DJ I want is about $1500 so I will pay the difference."

    </div>
    Ignorance is a poor defense. Image and video hosting by TinyPic
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    deepcovejackiedeepcovejackie
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yep, pay for your own DJ if it's a priority for you.
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    I have to second (third, fourth?) everyone, because the solution seems abundantly clear to me.  You and your FI pay the difference in what your mom is willing to pay and what the dj charges.
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    lexmarie10lexmarie10 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Yeah, I think I'm going to have to pay myself. I know exactly what the total is for the budget, but even if our total costs stay under that, my mom isn't going to want to pay for an expensive DJ. I think the only solution will be to pay myself, but that's probably going to hurt her feelings too. Why do weddings bring out the crazy in moms??
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    trix1223trix1223 member
    5 Love Its Combo Breaker First Comment
    edited December 2011
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/special-topic-wedding-boards_moms-maids_mom-idea-much-wedding-costs?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Special%20Topic%20Wedding%20BoardsForum:357Discussion:d98a351d-c533-4fde-910d-891d1352233ePost:af1c18b3-2285-4318-8a26-f3c38660ccb0">Re: Mom has NO idea how much a wedding costs. Help!</a>:
    [QUOTE]Yeah, I think I'm going to have to pay myself. I know exactly what the total is for the budget, but even if our total costs stay under that, my mom isn't going to want to pay for an expensive DJ. I think the only solution will be to pay myself, but that's probably going to hurt her feelings too.<strong> Why do weddings bring out the crazy in moms??</strong>
    Posted by lexmarie10[/QUOTE]

    Please don't paint with such a broad brush.  Weddings can also bring out the crazies in brides, grooms, siblings, grandparents, friends, dads, and moms.  Hang around these boards enough.  It's most certainly not just moms, and many moms (and dads) and their daughters are able to get through wedding planning and day just beautifully.

    GL
    "Trix, it's what they/our parents wanted. Why so judgemental? And why is your wedding date over a year and a half ago? And why do you not have a groom's name? And why have you posted over 12,000 posts? And why do you always say mean things to brides?" palegirl146
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    quotequeenquotequeen member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    When your mom says what she thinks a particular item should cost, does she actually do any research to find something in her price range.  It might help if you had her do that.  I can't imagine she would find a DJ for $100, but maybe she will.  Then you can say "I'd rather have this other DJ, so I'll cover the difference."  If she can't find anything, she might realize that her expectations are unreasonable, and let you have the DJ you want (as long as you stay under the overall budget), or she might find one for $500, and you can pay the difference, but it won't be as large.
    Married 10/2/10
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    brilibby4brilibby4 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Wedding prices have probably gone up since your mother got married, explaining her cost confusion.  Kindly explain that you appreciate her offer but want to pay for the difference so you can have the DJ you want.
    image
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    jwang517jwang517 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    why don't u just ask her for a number and give u a check? if she wants to pay for your wedding, she is very likely to have a number in her mind? if she doesn't want to do that, pay the extra you want.
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    longman801longman801 member
    First Comment
    edited December 2011
    Check out theweddingstyle.com They have a link to wedding dresses and

    there might be some on there with the look you are going for! I spotted

    a few that I thought might be similar to what you were looking for, so

    they are posted below! Hope this helps and CONGRATS!Source(s):
    http://www.theweddingstyle.com/
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